And Then I See This....

After feeling sorry for myself and putting myself into the Pity Party mode, I see this on FB (which I wasn't planning to look at but did anyway----see?)


From Proverbs 31:


Are you a chronic worrier? Many of us are, especially right now. Our worry is futile. We can’t change a situation. The best we can do is lay our troubles and concerns at Jesus’ feet and let Him handle them.
Resist picking up those worries you laid down. They’re not yours to carry or fix. They’re His.
What can you leave at His feet today?

#P31OBS


This is me all over! 

Chronic worrier?  That's me.

Why can I not just turn everything over to God and let HIM handle it?  My worry IS futile.  I can't change the situation.  I know I can't.  I can't stop the virus from spreading where it is.  I can't stop people from protesting, acting stupid, saying hateful things.

I can't  control how others think, what they do, how they act.  I can't control their posts on FB. I can't control their reactions to what is happening.

All I can do is trust God.  I can pray.  I can turn it all over to Him and let HIM handle it all.

He know what will happen  a month from now already, and my worrying won't change a thing.

Lay down my worries and do it now.

I can't carry the load.  I can't fix anything.  

All I can do is what I need to do to protect myself and my family.

I need to carry on the best I can and BE POSITIVE instead of being the Negative Nellie that I have been.

Time to snap out of it, Beth.

Now.

Mornings Are Just Hard

I am sitting in the recliner, near tears.

In 10 minutes I am supposed to be logging onto Zoom for the morning workout with Megan the Trainer.  And what am I doing?  Sitting in the recliner, still in my pajamas, with no intentions of clicking on the Zoom app and adding in the numbers so that she can add me to the session.

Why?

Because mornings are just h  ard for me.

Yes, I feel better when I work out. Yes, it is a better start to my day.  Yes, I like to be in that routine of getting up, showering, fixing my hair, and getting dressed before I even walk down the steps to the living room.

But mornings have become just hard for me.

I used to be such a morning person. I really did like mornings a lot.  I like the early morning quiet.  Watching the sunrise is always a reminder of what God can do to a morning sky with his paintbrush. 

When I was teaching at West Central, I loved getting to school early, even before the principal, and parking in the first spot at the front door, walking into the quiet school and going to my dark room. It was always a time before Glenn would flip on the lights so only the auxiliary lights would pave the way in the halls.   The quiet was peaceful, invigorating, and reflective.

But now?  When I wake up, even when I slept most of the night as I have the last two, I feel uneasy.  I am so thankful we made it through another day and night with no illnesses popping up, but I feel scared about what the day might bring.

I worry too much; I know that.  Every time I feel better about the pandemic, such as knowing that we are taking the proper precautions, not worrying every time I feel a little tightness in my chest, or going into a panic when I hear Gary cough...I hear something that puts me into a spin again.

Tyson. Over 1000 cases of COVID-19 in Cass County. 

Indiana Packers.  Numbers increasing now in Carroll County.

Overflow of those workers into Tippecanoe County.  Numbers rising here as well.

Then measures being taken in both White and now Pulaski Counties.  Mandatory mask-wearing.  Limiting number of people in stores.  No people under 16 allowed in stores. 

And the political mud-slinging?  I agree with Wally's post the other day.  It doesn't matter what Trump and Pence do or say...it is wrong.  Too soft on restrictions.  Too hard on restrictions.  Too early to close things. What were they thinking?  Too late on closures?  Why didn't they act earlier?  Trump's words being taken out of context.  Why doesn't he use the medical experts, when he does, but the liberals don't like what is said? 

I have no use for people who are blasting others and twisting words.  I have 'unfollowed' so many in the past week and plan to do more of it. 

"Marked safe from Trump's advice to drink Lysol."  Really?  He didn't say that.  Twist the words.

"I hope Pence visits the plant at Logansport and doesn't wear a mask."  Why would you hope that? 
You want someone, especially the VP of the United States, to contract this disease and potentially die?  Do you hate someone that much that you wish them ill and dead?

Each morning I vow to not use my phone as much during the day.  Each morning I tell myself that I will stay off of  FB and not read any of the garbage that is posted on there so often.  But that is just hard.  My phone is my connection to the girls.  My phone has the calculator I need sometimes when I am working with the numbers for cutting fabric.  My phone has the weather app that I check frequently.  The apps I need for grocery lists and the links to emails are on my phone.  How can I get through the day without it?

Gary always says he can.  He doesn't know where his phone is most of the time.  But the girls call me.  He expects me to know information that I find on my phone.  He doesn't use the phone for that information like I do. 

A drift to another topic...sorry.

I am sitting here in the recliner, just close to tears.  I don't like to be scared. I don't like to wake up and my first thoughts are how we are going to get through the day without going anyplace or without seeing other people.  What do we REALLY need? 

I started a post the other day about how fortunate and blessed we are not to have any serious illnesses to contend with right now.  So many people are suffering from maladies that are SO serious.  Sheri.  Trish.  Graham.  Sophia.  Cheryl. 

So many people are alone and suffering from not seeing others.  I think about Nellie in the nursing home, all alone in that small room.  I think about Charlie from the Fitness Center whose wife died in February and his grandchildren are not at Purdue anymore.  I think about Amanda and being in her small apartment. I think about the children whose parents don't care about them or their education, who may not have food and clean clothes or decent shelter.  Then I feel so ashamed because we have so much and are so blessed.

Just so many thoughts running through my mind this morning...and every morning.

We will get through this.  We have to.  And maybe mornings will be better soon.

In Search of Yeast

I need some packets of yeast. 

As I was going through recipes, I found one I really liked but hadn't made for a while. 

For what, you ask?

Cinnamon rolls.

I love homemade cinnamon rolls.

There is nothing like a warm cinnamon roll, freshly baked from a warm oven.  Add a hot mug of steeped tea and the only word is .....perfection!

Unfortunately, I have a habit of killing yeast.  Either the water is too cold or it is too hot.  I have difficulty in judging the temp of water; therefore, yeast is usually done for before I have a chance to add it to the rest of the dough ingredients.

For a while I was making cinnamon rolls with some success.  I shared them with Leo and Agnes, and some went down the road to Jane and Junior.  But later, in the months before we moved from Pulaski County, I was back to killing yeast big time.  The dough was not rising.  The end product tasted flat.  It just wasn't good at all.

So..it is time.  Time to try the cinnamon rolls again.  New house.  New kitchen.  New counters.  New oven.  What could go wrong?

I checked the recipe and the only missing ingredient is yeast.    Not a problem.  Just put yeast on the shopping list.

And that is what I did.

Yeast was added to the Payless online shopping list for pick up on Monday.  And yeast was one of the four items not available.  Darn.

Yeast was added to the Payless online shipping list for pick up today.  And yeast was one of the four items not available...again!  Darn.  Darn.

We went to Save-A-Lot in Delphi to pick up some things we had forgotten to put on the list or that we knew we could find there.  I looked for yeast.  I found an empty spot where the yeast should have been.  Darn. Darn. Darn.

Next stop was Dollar General in Delphi.  Gary went it to look for yeast and Trop 50, which is another elusive product I have been missing.  He came out with a bag containing OJ (not Trop 50 but close) and razor blades.  No yeast.  Quadruple darn.

No yeast anywhere!

Maybe some morning I will get up early (struggle) and drive into Target and look for yeast along with a couple of birthday cards that I need.  Early before more shoppers decide to descend on the stores. 

Maybe.

Why is there no yeast?  Is everyone who is staying home baking bread?  Brewing home made beer ?  I don't know...I took a stab at that one because I have no idea why yeast is in short supply.

But I will not stop by search.

And when I find it, I will try my hardest NOT to kill it!

Cinnamon rolls.  Sigh....

One More Cross Off!

You know, I LOVE crossing items off a to-do list.  I really do.

And yesterday I crossed off another one.

Cleaning out my closet and purging items.

That one was hard.  It really was.  I have a big problem getting rid of clothes.  I look at them and the thought of 'I probably could wear this again' or 'If I have to go to a ..... I will need this.'

But you know....some of these items are becoming so dated, and I really wouldn't wear them if I were going to that place or event or I probably would pull it out, try it on, and think, no...not wearing it because it just doesn't look right.  So why not pitch it into the Goodwill bag.

Megan told me to just get rid of things.  Those jackets that I wore for Ivy Tech events?  They should be gone.  I loved the jacket with big yellow and black flowers and swishes on it. I bought it at Christopher and Banks and wore it with either a white or black top and black pants and my black dressy shoes.  Then Gary showed me a picture that popped up on his FB timeline.  We were at the spring awards dinner at the new Ivy Tech building and I had received the Instructor of the Year award.  In that picture I was wearing....that jacket.  The date was 10 years ago.  Ten.  Yes, ten.  I still have the jacket and it is now 10 years old.  I pulled it out of the closet during this week's purge and I have to admit, I couldn't part with it.  It is still there.  I just couldn't.  But I did part with a solid black jacket and several other dress-up pieces that I haven't worn.

The other thing Megan recommended was re-hanging the items with the hangers backwards.  I have heard that that is a great way to determine whether you have actually worn something between purges.  So I did that too.  This morning I pulled out a new yellow long sleeved shirt from Jimmy Buffet's that I purchased on our Gatlinburg trip and wore it.  One hanger turned around the correct way!  And it has only been two days!

Tuesday was my Clean Out the Closet Day.  The only glitch was that Hilary had fallen down the steps, needed to go to Urgent Care, and the kids were here for most of the morning and into the afternoon. Tessa was going to help me, but that didn't last long.  I did pull all of the hanging up clothes out, put them on the bed, then went through each item and either re-hanged it or pitched it in the bag. Another option was giving some things to Megan.  They were cute to wear with leggings and I know she wears those to school.  I told her if she doesn't like anything to pass it on to Goodwill or to someone else who might want it.

Yesterday I pulled everything out of the bottom of the closet and things off the shelves also.  Some things were pitched in the trash.  A few items made their way into the Goodwill bag.  Some things were just re-organized, re-folded, and returned to proper places.  

All in all, though, the closet looks better and there are empty spaces where clothes did hang.  There is also better organization in the bottom of the closet with the cubes, the swim stuff, the shoes, and the travel bags.

Cleaning out my closet and purging clothes no longer needed has been crossed off the to-do list.  It felt SO good to be able to do that.

Now....I need to do the same with the drawers in my dresser and the chest in the futon room.  It just never ends.

 

New Week of OBS

I haven't really delved into the new week of Dangerous Prayers yet.  But I have a feeling that the past few days have been preparing me for the next focus.

Our Bible verse is this: 

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.    Psalm 139:23-24

Something that stood out to me in the reading last week was this:   "See if there is any offensive way in me."  I don't like to think that I offend people and I try hard not to.  Really I do.  But evidently I am doing that or at least I have some traits that are sending off the wrong messages to the people I care about.

Ok...so I am putting this out there.

I know that some of the things I think or the ways that I feel are not the same as others.  I know that.  I accept that.  But I don't like to be mocked or made fun of because I feel the way that I do.

Maybe the unsettling feeling I get when I am mocked goes back to the way my mother treated me. In fact, I am 99% sure that is the source of my spiraling downward.  I can still see her sneering at me and hear the scorn and mockery in her voice.  And it wasn't just something that she did when I was young.  She did it until she died.  Maybe not still to me in her final days, but she mocked Greta constantly.

So it hurts. It makes me feel sad. It makes me doubt what I do, the way I think, the way others see me.  It makes me sad that I am the butt of other's jokes or an easy target to make fun of.  I don't like it when it happens to other people; in fact it makes me hurt even more when it does.

Over the last few days I have felt that mockery.  Being laughed at.  I don't see it as being teased, because it certainly doesn't feel like teasing to me.  Or when similar comments are made about or to others.  So my self-esteem has been plummeting.  What I thought was a good thing to do was dashed into something that probably won't happen again---at least it won't be initiated by me.

I also am nervous about the pandemic and it touching our lives.  I know...FB is a dangerous thing at times.  News can be distorted and spreads quickly through social media.  But when I hear of so many people contracting this disease, when I hear numerous reports of how quickly it spreads and how one might pick up germs by not using good hygiene or protective measures, then I too want to ensure that we remain healthy.  I don't like to be sick.  I don't want Gary to be sick---or the girls---or the kids---or anyone that we care about and love. So I am taking preventive measures.  We have been staying home as much as we can.   We leave only for groceries or medicine or to pick up take out food.  We did drive to Burnettsville for fabric and to drop off  Lynnlee's quilt to be quilted too but I wore my mask into the shop and we used hand sanitizer when I came out.  I want the freedom to do what we want when we want again.  And I feel the only way to accomplish that is to be careful and stay at home and sanitize as much as we can to protect ourselves.  And I don't want to be laughed at because I feel that way.

Offensive ways in me?  Being overly cautious?  Maybe.  But don't laugh at me because I am.  I just don't want any of us to be sick.  Trying to do some things to increase communication during this time of self-isolation?  Work with me, but don't laugh at me for trying to do so.

One benefit of being at home so much now is working on my sewing projects.  Those take time and concentration.  In fact yesterday I tried three different times to work on the borders on Tessa's quilt.  How much did I accomplish?  I cut one strip of border off of another longer strip, pieced it onto yet another strip and was ready to press the seam and sew it onto the quilt top----when Gary called me upstairs because Hilary, Blaine, and the kids were outside.  Yes, I want to see them, but I also was in the middle of trying to add that strip to the quilt top.  So it is still on the floor.  Many times when they come, I am in the middle of a project or working on something. Rarely am I just sitting in the living room, watching tv like Gary does.  Evidently that is a flaw of mine because I don't drop what I am doing and go outside immediately to visit. 

Finally the lowest point is being compared to my mother.  That happened yesterday too.  It went something like this...."Remember when your mother....." and ended with "Well, think about it." and the implication being that I was doing the same thing as Mom did.  We didn't like it when Mom did it and now I am doing the same thing.  Is that the 'something offensive in me' that needs to be changed?  Probably.

What I do know is this.  I need to pray about the issues and ask for God's guidance in how I deal with them  I also know that I am not initiating things anymore.  I need to respond more quickly, as in drop what I am doing, to be sure that the kids know I care about them.  I also need to sit on the couch and the loveseat in the living room more, even though my recliner is more comfortable and I can see the tv  better from it.

Plus I need to keep my thoughts to myself.  If I don't tell anyone how I feel about things, then I won't open myself up for criticism and mockery.

The new week of the OBS is focused on "Break Me" and I think I am ready for it.  Why?  Because that process has already started.

Sometimes I Just Don't Get It

This is the end of Week #5 of our self-isolation.

After a grocery shopping trip to Meijer on March 12, we have been staying at home.  But... we have gone a few places in these five weeks.

Two trips to Payless for grocery pick up.  We ordered groceries online, then drove to the store by the mall a few days later.  No contact except Gary lifting the hatch door of the Escape and the worker loading the bags.

Four trips to Delphi for groceries. Once to Wallman's, then one time to Wallman's combined with a stop at Save-A-Lot. then twice just to Save-A-Lot.  Each time we wiped the cart handles and I carried a Lysol wipe with me to cleanse my hands after each time I touched an item.  I also ran the wipe over different items as I put them in the cart or basket.

Each time we were 'out and about' we stopped for food.  Once we ordered at Cracker Barrel for curb-side delivery.  Twice we drove through Culvers for fish sandwiches and fries.  Stone House took an order for us three different times.  Our first experience was at the Sandwich Shop in Delphi.  Plus we have had delivery from Delphi Pizza King and Tippy's in Pittsburg (not PA but the little town just outside of Delphi).

Usually we combine one of these trips with the pick up of medicine from the Meijer drive-up window.  We just started using that service, along with the Express check out, and it has worked great.  Paying with a credit card online and signing for the meds has worked well for us.  Matt was able to pick up needles for Gary on one of his trips in for grocery pick-up.  We had paid and signed for them, so all he had to do was give Gary's birthdate and they handed them through the window.

We have been to the gas station twice, once for gas for the mowers and once for gas for our Escape. Gas prices are low right now and we filled up the other day, just because.

Then yesterday we drove tthe areas o Burnettsville so I could take the quilt top for Lynnlee's twin sized quilt to Betty for quilting and so I could pick up fabric for the borders for Tessa's double bed sized quilt. Now I can add those to hers and it will be ready for quilting.  I can drop it off when I pick up Lynnlee's finished quilt.  I was nervous about going to the quilt shop.  First because it was so far from us....not really, but further than we had been since we self-quarantined.  Then I wasn't sure how exposed Betty or her shop had been.  I wore my mask and sanitized my hands when I returned to the Escape.  I stood away from her while she was cutting fabric and the only contact we really had was when she took my credit card and returned it to me. I laid the bag containing the quilts on the table and picked up the fabric and returned the pieces to the bag.

So why the title of this post?

Because we are taking so many precautions, using hand sanitizer and wiping down items from the store, wiping off door handles and the doorbell, and everything in the bathroom after anyone else uses it (meaning Hilary or the kids).  I am still scared that one of us will pick up the virus somehow and I know that both of us are somewhat vulnerable.

But we are trying. The things I listed above were sometimes done in one trip, not separate trips. Like  filling the gas cans for the mowers AND picking up lunch at Stone House AND stopping at Save-A-Lot.  Going to Payless to pick up groceries, stopping at Meijer for medicine, and curbside pick up at Cracker Barrel.

Then I see (and hear about) this.  Posts on FB yesterday from various friends about the crowds they saw.  In Kokomo the Lowe's parking lot was packed.  Someone said people were crowding into Best Buy and she witnessed several televisions being loaded into cars.  The Menards parking lot was full.  One friend went to Meijer for groceries and families were out in droves.  Traffic had picked up in areas around Indianapolis.  Why?  Because people had received their stimulus checks and decided to spend them.

Now..I believe the intent of the stimulus checks were to help people through the tough times of not working because only essential jobs had remained filled.  Because so many had been laid off from their jobs, or because people worked in retail and stores had closed, or so many were employed in food service and those establishments were not serving customers now in their dining rooms so the wait staff were unemployed....the stimulus money was to help them pay their rent, buy groceries, keep their houses warm and pay the electric bills.  But no...people are spending the money on new televisions and other items---AND crowding the stores to do so?

I know...people can spend their money how they want.  But more than that....what happened to social distancing?  Staying away from crowds?  Only going out for essential reasons?  The governor extending the 'stay at home/in place' order until May 1?  Wasn't that done for a reason?  So we would all stay home and NOT spread this disease to others?

Why are so many people just ignoring this?  Why do they think the stay-at-home order doesn't apply to them?  Why do they think they know more that the experts who are advising our officials and making these decisions?

I miss Cooper and Lynnlee.  I miss Karen and Clay stopping by.  I miss going...anywhere and not having to worry about being infected.   I miss interaction with other people (and Gary is the best person to be quarantined with, don't get me wrong).  I miss going to Miracles Fitness three times a week.

And if people don't stay at home and take this seriously, then we will be staying at home much longer, more people will become ill, and the disease will continue to spread.  Why can't people just listen to those who know more than they do about this and stay home?

Sometimes I just don't get it.

OBS - Dangerous Prayers - Week 2

No excuses for not being able to keep up with this OBS!   Everyone is home, even though some people in my FB group are essential workers and do have other obligations.  Some are mothers who are doing double and sometimes triple duty with their children now.  But me?  I am home, filling my days with projects, but still having lots of time to focus on the OBS.

I wasn't sure how much I would like this study based on the title.  Dangerous Prayers.  Hmmm....seemed like an oxymoron to me, at first.  But then it isn't the first time the title of the book is something I probably wouldn't have picked up on my own.  I wasn't familiar with the author of the book either.  Plus he was a man...not that I have anything against men, but usually a female author has more of an insight into how a woman's mind works and can relate a little easier.  However....so far, so good.  I have enjoyed the Monday video sessions where Lysa and the author, Craig Groeschel, chat and introduce the week.  Plus I have enjoyed his casual style of writing.  I enjoy Max Lucado's books and OBS too, but I like Craig's style a little more.



Anyway.....the focus for the first two weeks has been this ....Search Me.  Our Bible verse is from Psalm 139.  "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  Psalm 139: 23-24

Side note - We are encouraged to memorize scripture, but I struggle to do that.  I always have.  Other than the study we did on Psalm 23 (and I had memorized that when I was much younger---and I still remember it all!), I struggle with all of the memory work.  I just proved it once again because I had to look at the book several times as I was typing the verse above!

Anyway---as the second week draws to a close, here are some of my take-aways....

1.  If you want to know God intimately,  you will begin to pray unscripted prayers that come straight from your heart.    This is hard for me.  I tend to go with the usual words I always use....thank you for all of the blessings, please watch over us and protect us from harm, keep us healthy....those types of things.  Then I drift into saying the Lord's Prayer and while I love that prayer and it is one that is perfect and Biblical, it is scripted, that's for sure.  It's hard for me to create my own prayer that is 'straight from my heart.'  I know I have...I know I prayed so hard and 'from my heart' when Gary was in the hospital in June and I was so scared.

2.  Because we love Him, we face trials and tribulation, opposition.  On page 30, I read this: "Love those who want to do you harm.  Pray for those intent on your demise."  This reminded me of Mom.  She delighted in not only our problems but in those of others.  She was always waiting for someone to make a mistake, to have an issue, to encounter a crisis, so she could either 'save the day' herself or mock them for the decisions they made.  She always had to look for a negative and then showcase it and eventually gloat about it.  I remember not wanting to tell her that I was retiring from Ivy Tech.  Why? Because she would not be happy for me or congratulate me for teaching for 43 years.  And I was right.  When she found out that I had retired, her response was "They had to get rid of you, didn't they?  What did you do?"  You know...my plan when I went to Ivy Tech was to teach there for 10 years, then retire when I was 65.  And that is what I did.  But Mom wanted to make it into something negative instead.  I wouldn't be surprised if that is what she told anyone who would listen to her. It was hard for me to pray for her.  It was hard to maintain good thoughts and visit her when I knew that the "wrath of Marjorie" would rain down on me from the time I walked in the door until the time I left.  I did pray for Mom.  It was hard, but I did.

3.  The most common lies are the ones we tell ourselves.  Oh my...that hit me hard.  I do lie to myself.  "I am not eating that much, really" as I scarf down another cookie.  "I have been working really hard and I have earned that long john" which is silly because no one earns a long john.  That is just wrong.  "I really exercised hard this morning."  said after the workouts on Zoom, where I don't always do everything that Megan the Trainer wants me to do---and today was a good example of that.  I did the best I could....at least that's what I told myself.  I am getting out of shape, even with the workouts three times a week. I need to up my number to at least 4.  That's a goal for next week.  But going back to the topic of #3.  I do lie to myself quite a bit.  And I don't like that...telling myself lies.  Who do I think I am fooling?

4.  "I realized the closer I got to Jesus, the more I'd have to face my shortcomings."  How true is that!!  Asking God to reveal things to me instead of doing something for me.  That is deep for me.  I like to think that I am ok in the way I do things, my actions, the decisions I make.  If I ask Him to reveal things to me, that will show me where my weaknesses are, where I need to make improvements, and that is hard for me.  Why?  Because Mom was always pointing out to me my weaknesses, my downfalls, things I needed to improve.  I could never accomplish anything or do anything without her getting a jab in about how I could have, or should have, done it differently, and what I could do to improve it the next time.  I think that is why I was always so nervous when my evaluation time came around.  I think it is why I never looked at the student evaluations when the results were sent to us.  I could hear Mom saying 'See, I KNEW you were doing it wrong,' or "Hahaha...and you thought you were doing a good thing?  Wrong!!"  I can still hear her saying to me and to Greta 'And you call yourself a Christian????' and putting that sneering tone with it.  Yep.  That is hard for me.  But the difference is this.  Mom always wanted to cut us down so she could feel superior to us.  She didn't want us to be better at anything than she was.  But God?  He will encourage us to be better out of love for us.

5.  God has often revealed my anxious thoughts and the fears fueling them.  No kidding.  My anxious thoughts usually revolve around doctors and health issues.  I am so scared of something being wrong with us and not being able to fix it.  I fear doctors so much that my blood pressure shoots up and I shake and make myself sick.  After the appointment when I walk out of the office and know that I am fine and don't have to return for six months or a year, I breathe SUCH a sigh of relief and my BP returns to normal and I breathe again.  Why is that?  Why can't I just trust God to get me through the appointment and if something is needed to fix whatever might be found, that it will be fixed and I will be fine.  Why can't I do that?  Right now I am petrified that one of us will get the virus.  This fear has prevented me from sleeping at night. I panic every time I hear Gary cough.  I am so scared every time we leave the property for groceries or carry out meals.  I was especially nervous today because we drove through Monticello to Burnettsville to the quilt shop so I could drop off Lynnlee's quilt for Betty to do the quilting and select fabric so I could finish Tessa's quilt.  Lots of hand sanitizer used.

6.  "To please God, to serve Him, to honor Him, to live for Him, you cannot be driven by fear.  You must be led by faith."  How appropriate is this, not only for me because I am scared all the time, but for this particular time in our lives.  No one knows how this pandemic will end, but I must believe that God has this and he is in control. I need to serve Him.  I must honor Him and live for Him.  I cannot be afraid.  I must trust and know that my faith is strong.  Actually I have been better than I was five weeks ago when all of this started.  But I still have a long journey ahead of me.  Faih.  Not fear.  Faith.

It's a good study.  But think of this.   The plans for this study were made last fall.  How timely is it?  God knew that we would need this study RIGHT NOW.  Not a year ago.  But now.  He put the motions into place for us to be able to study this when we needed it the most.

And that, my friends, is what I mean by showing faith.  If he planned it for us then, I must trust him now.

What Happened to Spring?

It was SO nice last week.  We were outside, walking around the property.  Walking down the lane for the mail.  Picking up sticks and cutting off little shoots from tree stumps and such.  Flowers were blooming.  Leaves are starting to pop out on the trees.

Then it happened.

The temps plunged.

Clouds appeared.

Snow is in the forecast.

UGH!

I know it is just April.  

I know that the year Megan was born (1981) Gary had put all of the nitrogen on and was ready for a new baby to be born.

I know that the next year on her 1st birthday we had to push people out of our drive through the snow.

I also remember going on many field trips with the girls and bundling up with heavy coats, hats, gloves, and scarves. One in particular stands out---a ride on the Schafer Queen with the first graders in Hilary's class. Mandy Phegley lost a tooth on that boat ride.

I remember snow falling on my birthday too.

And i jsut looked out of the window and I see snow!

What the heck, Mother Nature?

Make this snow go away!!!

Looking for the Silver LInings

One of my former Ivy Tech colleagues posted on FB today about trying to keep her students on task and involved while caring at home for her young daughter.  At the end of her post she mentioned the silver linings and how she wouldn't want it any other way.

I have been thinking a lot about this.

Silver linings.

We are blessed in so many ways.

Some of our silver linings through this pandemic scare that we are living through...

1. Time to work on projects that are always pushed aside because we are on the go so much

2.  Sleeping in---I love to wake up without the alarm, but I am still setting it for MWF workouts at 8.  But other days I can sleep in----and take naps if I want to.

3.  Cooking at home.  I know we eat out too much.  Several people have mentioned to me that we eat out constantly, and we do work 'stop for breakfast, lunch, or dinner' into our 'go into town' plans frequently.  But it has been nice to cook more.  We needed to eat down our freezer for the meat from the steer Blaine butchered and we were getting 1/4 of it.  While we like to support the local restaurants with carry-out or delivery, we try to do that only once or twice a week. Therefore, eating in has become the norm.  I have been digging out old recipes to try again, and it has been fun to experiment with some new ones too.

4. Sewing time - It is no secret that I like the sewing room, and that it was a plus when we bought the house.  But I really like the way it is set up with my being able to sew, to press seams and fabric, and to leave everything where it is when I need to do something else.  I am working hard, most of the time, on some quilt tops.  I have made the quilt for Nick's graduation gift.  I made a new valance for the sewing room window.  I am working on quilts for Tessa's and Lynnlee's beds out of the same fabric.  I finished Amanda's table runner.  I just enjoy being able to escape to the sewing room and sew to my heart's content, and just leave it when I am tired of it.  No need to put anything away.  Just leave it. 

5.  Time to work outside.  After being away last spring (Myrtle Beach, a trip to Ohio, and the Las Vegas trip), followed by Gary's House Arrest all summer, so much of the yard work that we wanted to do just didn't happen.  Now we can work outside when the weather is warmer.  We can clean up the flower beds and work on controlling the black raspberry patch.  We can beautify the gazebo.    Fortunately we don't need to plant many annuals...just a few baskets around the deck and a couple of hanging baskets on the porches.  But there will be time to do that without having to run to ball games, babysit, and go to end of the year programs (not that we don't enjoy that, but it will be nice to have this extra time.)

6.  Family time for Megan and Hilary.  I have seen so much improvement with Owen and his development.  I have seen more leadership from Landon.  I think part of that is because they are home more and not running here and there all the time. They are eating meals at home, enjoying their yard and ours, and taking more time to just enjoy each other.  The same can be said for Megan and Matt and the kids.  Megan is more relaxed and  even though I am sad for Matt and his baseball season, it is good for them to be at home and bonding more as a family.  We miss seeing them, but coming together as a family is so important!

Silver linings.  So we can't go anywhere.  This is week 5 of staying at home.  But we are all healthy.  We have food.  I have so many projects to work on.  We are blessed.

Cautious? Scared? Frantic?

I just don't know.

Part of me has been scared so much about this pandemic.  I want to be healthy.  I want Gary to be healthy.  We both could be considered in the 'at risk' category because of our ages and because of health issues.  He is diabetic and I have aFib.  I don't think I am as much at risk as he is, but I do know I want neither of us to spike a fever and not be able to breathe.  One thing this self-quarantine has done is to eliminate the coughs that we did have and help us get rid of the slight colds. I'm not sure if it is the self-quarantine or the super duper sanitizing that we are doing or a combination of both, but we are fairly healthy right now and it feels good.
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Part of me is cautious, maybe too much so.  We limit who we see.  We have cancelled plans for Easter dinner.  We are super careful when we leave the house, taking the hand sanitizer with us and using the Purell wipes we have in the car to wipe everything down that we touch or that touches us.  After the kids leave the house, I wipe off all of the door handles, the chairs where they may have sat at the dining room table, the bathroom sink and toilet plus the light switches and door handles plus the toilet flusher handle.  When Hilary and the kids came over the other night for dinner, we ate on the deck and kept our distance for the most part.  The pizza, sub, and breadsticks were delivered to the table.  After everyone left, out came the Clorox wipes to take care of any germs left on the handles of the chairs, the table top, and door handles once again.  Is that being too cautious?  I just don't know.  But I am not willing at this point NOT to do it.

Frantic?  Maybe.  The plan for this morning was to drive to Burnettsville to the quilt shop.  The quilt top for Tessa's bed was in the bag.  Betty was going to come out to the sidewalk and pick up the bad and I was going to stay in the car.  She would take the bag in the shop, match the fabric to pieces of fabric there, cut off the needed yardage, charge it to my credit card, and return the bag to me.  I wouldn't go in the shop.  We wouldn't be close to each other.  I could wipe off the bag when she returned it to me.  But we didn't go.  Why?  Gary had a dream that someone official came to us in the car in front of the shop and asked why we were there.  Buying fabric to finish a quilt wasn't considered an essential trip so we were arrested.  I know.  It was just a dream, and Gary is the first one to calm me down after I have a nightmare or a troubling dream by saying "It's not real...it's just a dream. Go back to sleep."  But this stuck with me, and the more I thought about it, it seemed like a better decision NOT to go to Burnesttsville and risk picking up some germs. So we didn't go.  I sent a note to Betty and she was understanding.  But I am wondering if I am not being TOO cautious about staying away from everyone.  We did go to Save-A-Lot yesterday.  We picked up groceries at Payless and medicine at Meijer on Thursday evening.  We have ordered take out or delivery from several local places.  Is that taking more or less of a risk than driving to Burnettsville and letting Betty select and cut fabric for me so I could finish the quilt top for Tessa's bed? 

Part of me enjoys the quiet time.  The solitude.  The knowledge that the time of the day is ours.

Part of me misses the ability to just run into town to pick up something that we might need.  Or do we really need it?  I know that we are saving lots of money on gas and probably on unnecessary expenses.  We are eating more at home instead of eating out for various meals. 

Part of me likes working out at home via Zoom instead of going to the Fitness Center.  I like getting up later and adapting the exercises to suit me. If I can't bend my knee for one set, I just don't instead of Megan trying to help me bend anyway.  Maybe that is cheating a bit, but it works for me.  I do miss the interaction with other people though.  I wrote about the need for socialization and friends, and I do miss conversations.

There are many projects I have been working on also.  Deep cleaning.  Sewing.  Puzzles.  Reading.  Watching series on Netflix.  Working outside a little more.  I wouldn't have time for those if we were running around to various places.

Maybe my feelings this morning were just a little on the frantic side.  Maybe I am still too scared.  Maybe I am too cautious.  But at this point in our lives, I don't feel like we can take chances and expose ourselves to things we shouldn't and that might harm us.

For a few more weeks....we hope.  I'll try to focus on the 'cautious' instead of the other two options.

The Day Flew By!

Good Friday.  The beginning of Easter weekend.

I thought about Good Friday more today than in the past.  Plus we watched the Good Friday service from the Christian Church on YouTube this evening.  I think it was the first time (or maybe the second) that I have attended a Good Friday service.

But that isn't what made the day fly by for me.

What was it then?

I was busy.  Very busy.

I didn't sleep well last night, and my first inclination when I awoke AGAIN at 6:45 was to turn off the 7:00 alarm and try to return to sleep.

But I didn't.

I needed to work out this morning, so work out I did.

I hopped in the shower, dried my hair, dressed in my Purdue shirt and black leggings, and headed to the kitchen.  After I fixed my morning cocktail of OJ and Diet Dew, washing my medicine down with half of it, I was ready to connect to Zoom and meet with Megan the Trainer.

Our group was large today---9 of us, including Charlie from our usual group, Penny that I met when I first started with Miracles Fitness, and Rodney, the Curmudgeon, whose wife was also participating this morning.

The session was good today, and I was satisfied with myself for making three days out of five this week, but I also know I need to motivate myself to attend two more each week.  I need to keep myself active and moving.

With the new FB group for the current OBS, I am in charge of posting something fun for Fun Friday.  Today's challenge was to share a fun picture from Easters past and write a little commentary to explain.  I was on a quest to find a picture of either Greta and me or the girls in Easter outfits.  As i went through several albums, I found a few other pictures of the girls and a couple from the baby shower Greta gave for Megan and me at Grandma Greta's house in August 1981.  I posted a picture of Greta, Megan, Pat, Kim, me....and Dale.  No one remembers why Dale was at a baby shower, but he was because we have proof in pictures of it!  That resulted in a humorous exchange on FB with Karen, Dale's wife, and I was laughing so hard, that Gary thought I was crying.

After I found a picture of Gary and me with the girls for Easter 1990, I think (because it was in the same section as pictures of Hilary's 6th birthday party), and a couple of pictures of Gary and me with Landon, Tessa, and Cooper on Easter 2014, I posted in the FB group for our weekly Fun Friday activity.

It was after 11 when I finally finished going through some of the old picture albums in the bookcase in the family room.  The original planwas to run into Delphi to shop for the missing items from the Kroger order last night---early.  Like right after I finished the workout.  Well, THAT didn't happen, so off we went at 11:30.

Success at Save-A-Lot!  We walked out with a little over $100 worth of groceries, including some treats for Easter Sunday.  We also picked up a box of Banquet chicken for lunch (and I was NOT a fan so I will put the kabosh on any future purchases). 

Putting away groceries has changed in the last few weeks.  We transferred items from the back of the Escape into the bags we usually use to carry in groceries.  Then I wipe off everything with Clorox wipes, letting the items air dry on the counter before they are placed in the fridge, the freezer, or the pantry.

Late lunch, then work in the sewing room on Tessa's quilt top.  I thought I had a piece of solid yellow that I could use as part of the border.  However....when I opened the bag it was in, the smell of Mom's basement came rushing out at me.  It was a piece of fabric she had purchased at Helping Hands Quilt Shop in Berlin and who knows how long ago that had been.  It was rolled up, like a scroll, and secured with a rubber band that broke as soon as I tried to remove.it.  The yellow was a good blend with the rest of the fabrics, so I tossed it in the washer, then the dryer. After I ironed it, it seems to be really thin, and there were knotted pulls in various places.  I decided against using it for a several reasons. Back in the dresser drawer it will go.

Dinner was delivery of catfish fillets, fries, and salads from Tippy's  SO good!  Then back at the sewing again to finish putting all of the rows together so I can take it to Burnettsville tomorrow.

Betty will be at her shop from 9-11, and she said if I brought the quilt top, she would come to the car for it, then match a couple of fabrics to it so I can add two borders.  She is a gem, isn't she?

And I am tired.    I need some good sleep.

It was a busy day. And it flew by.

Oh yes...I have a new picture of Cinderella on the fridge.  My favorite princess colored for me by Miss Tessa Rose.   Love it!

Practicing Social Distancing on the Deck and at the End of the Lane

Yesterday Gary and I walked to the end of the lane to pick up the mail and send out the last of the Easter cards.  As we were standing there, the kids and Carrie across the road appeared in their backyard for the kids to jump on the trampoline they have behind their house.  Of course the girls noticed us and began to wave, then they came running toward the road with Carrie close behind.

Standing at the side of the road with Carrie standing in her grass on the other side of the ditch, we visited for probably 20 minutes.  As we stood there, a UPS truck passed us.  Then a pick up drove up, slowed, and the driver yelled out at us that we were doing a good job of  keeping 6 feet apart!  We didn't know him, but Carrie called him by name and explained after he drove off that he was the one who farmed the land around us.  Another truck drove by as well as one motorcycle.  It was good to see someone else, at a distance, and chat about things that were happening.  It is also re-assuring to know that others in our neighborhood are staying home and have feelings similar to ours about what we are experiencing right now.

Later we ordered pizza, breadsticks, and a sub from the Delphi Pizza King for delivery and invited Hilary and the kids for dinner.  Social distancing with them is hard.  They come here every day.  They work with the pigs and the goats, clean pens, and do the chores.  The 'littles' spend their time riding bikes, driving the gator around, and playing in the yard.

But yesterday was a good weather day.  It was sunny. It was warm.  We had moved the chairs and small tables back to the deck the day before.  We ate on the deck and kept our distance, kind of.

Hilary and the kids have been nowhere except their house or ours for over a week.  They drove into town with Blaine and he picked up groceries for the family at Meijer while they sat in the van.  He is working, but he spends most of the time in his office and supervises what is going on in the his sections of the plant.  He strips off his clothes when he returns home, puts them in the washer and starts it, then showers and dresses in clean clothes before he sees Hilary and the kids.  He sanitizes when he leaves the plant.  If anyone might be infected, it would be him and he uses precautions.

As I wrote before, one of the advantages to living in this house is that it is set back from the road and we are somewhat isolated from traffic and people.  No one just stops by.  It is quiet.  After nearly two years, we are used to the solitude and calmness here.  Usually the only noise comes from the trains that still are making their regular trips back and forth on the tracks less than a mile away.  I can 'do' quiet.  I have so much on my list of "Things to Do When I Retire" that I can now do without other things getting in the way.

Do I miss going places?  Yes and no.  I would like to run into Hobby Lobby or drive up to Betty's Quilting to check on some extra fabric for border for Tessa's quilt. I would like to be able to run into Lafayette to pick up something at Meijer without thinking about placing an online order for pick up.  But I don't really miss going into town.  

Do I miss eating out?  A few people have suggested that this is putting a crimp into our lifestyle of dining at different places frequently through the week.  Yes, we have slipped into that way of dining since we have moved closer to Lafayette.  It is easy to say "I need to go into Meijer to pick up a few things. Why don't we just have breakfast at Cracker Barrel while we are in town?"  Or...."Fish sandwiches from Culver's sound good.  Want to run into town and get a couple?"  But eating at home is fine too.  There are recipes I had wanted to try again.  We have an air fryer and an InstantPot that need to be used.  Now is the perfect time to do that.  And because we are here for each and every meal, we can make good use of leftovers and bigger dessert dishes like cakes and pies.  When the kids are here, the cookies I have baked seem to disappear as well as the carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese icing.   We are spending more money on groceries, but we are not spending money on meals. We are eating more from the freezer and from the pantry. There is less impulse buying with the online ordering and pick up at Payless.  We did get into a big of 'impulse buying' when we stopped at Sav-A-Lot in Delphi last week though.  And we have ordered a few times from the Sandwich Shop, Stone House, and Tippy's to help the local restaurants stay in business.

Mainly I miss the kids.  We do see Landon, Tessa, and Owen frequently.  But Cooper and Lynnlee.  I miss their hugs.  I miss Lynnlee's giggles.  I miss her wide-eyed look when she talks to me.  I miss Cooper popping around the living room, throwing his imaginary baseballs and shooting his imaginary basketballs. 

One of these days we will all be together again and the hugs will start and continue the entire visit.  

But until that time....social distancing.  Zoom workouts with Megan the Trainer.  FB Messenger calls with Cooper and Lynnlee.  

And as Carrie said yesterday, even when the restrictions are relaxed, we will still be leery of social interaction.  We still don't want to be exposed.  We want our families to be safe.

Taken out of Context

One of my pet peeves lately has been statements taken out of context.

Another is trying to put political spins on everything that is happening with our world and the pandemic today.

Yesterday a former colleague posted on FB the 'true story' behind a company making ventilators.

The author of the post that was shared had mentioned a statement from President Trump that I am fairly sure had been taken out of context by the media and blown into a negative comment. 

I haven't listened to all of President Trump's press conferences since the pandemic was declared and social distancing has been enacted.  But I have listened to some of his messages and I have heard support, appreciation, and plans.

So...this one gentleman was mad, hurt, disgusted by Trump's comment that they 'were not doing enough fast enough' when they had a plan in place and had been working even before the call for more ventilators happened.    I didn't hear the entire speech, but I can imagine that there could have been more before that statement or even after that statement indicating that the disease was spreading so fast that the companies making ventilators couldn't make them fast enough to keep up.  I am not sure about that, but I can think that it could have been the intention of that statement.

I also heard criticism of President Trump inviting CEOs of various companies to the White House to discuss how they could help in this crisis.  Included in that group was the CEO of My Pillow.  The criticism was spoken loud and clear by some commentators and many Democrats.

We are living in a world right now that is different from so much we have experienced in our lifetime.  We need help.  Stop the bickering.  Stop the criticism.  Help each other.  Appreciate the help.  Stop criticizing by taking statements out of context.

Just stop.

Better Morning

I did it.

After I wrote about my plan yesterday, last night when I went to bed after 11, I wondered if I would cave in again and turn off the alarm and just roll over to go back to sleep.

I didn't.

When the alarm sounded at 7, I noticed that Gary was absent from his side of the bed.  That was strange, too, because he was absent when I fell asleep last night, and I don't remember his being there at all, but his side of the bed was full of evidence that he HAD been there at some time by the looks of the pillows, sheets, and blankets.  But I didn't turn over after I hit the button to silence the alarm.  I was out of bed.  Not bounding out of bed, but I sat there for a bit, checked my phone, then forced myself to stand up.

After my shower, I dressed for the day and dried my hair.  Yesterday my hair kinda curled around on its own and I didn't dry it at all...just added some goop to it and scruched it up some.  I can't do that very often, so I thought I should take advantage of it.  Not today though. No curliness.  No scruching.  No goop.  Just the normal blow-dry and add a dab of rough paste and go from there.  One thought about the whole hair thing was just to let it go each day and conserve my goop and rough  paste, but I need to do something each day; otherwise, the day doesn't seem normal.  And that is what I do on a normal day.  Up, shower, shampoo, fix my hair, dress, and I am ready for the day.

Next I was going to workout, but there was not a workout session with Megan this morning. In fact I couldn't get in to her session without a password which I don't have.  I sent her a text, but I haven't heard back yet, so the Saturday session probably didn't exist this week.  I may do some Walking with Leslie later on.

At Wallmans the other day there was a sale on some of the tube biscuits and rolls so we picked up some.  A throwback to days in Mt. Vernon when those were a Sunday morning treat or to the days when the girls were little.  We strayed away from those during the weight loss times because the tubes made at least 8 rolls and they would vanish which meant extra pounds added onto our bodies. But when we found the smaller tubes of just 4, we would buy those and bake them sometimes on Sunday.  Anyway cinnamon rolls are in the oven.

I have had my glass of OJ mixed with Diet Dew, a combo that no one but me likes.  It has to be Trop 50 OJ too because others just don't taste right.  Now I am sipping a cup of Lady Grey hot tea, a mixed blend from a tea shop in The Village at Galtinburg.  I am using the mug that Dennis gave me too. 

So it is a good morning.  "Love is Kind" was the title of the devotions today.  I already posted on the page for Rhonda and I already started the daily thread in the new Dotti's page that Peg created on FB. 

Today's plan?  Sewing. I want to work on Tessa's quilt and I will attempt to make a few masks for our family.  If it works well, I may do more and donate them to the hospital.

That's the plan.  And I feel better today for it.

Rough Morning

Just like many nights recently, we went to bed late, like around midnight or later.  

Why?  No real reason to be up early now.  Watching too many episodes of "Schitt's Creek" on Netflix, which is easy to do because hard as I try to tear myself away, there is always the 'just one more' that happens.

But I am learning something.

If I don't get up in the morning by 7, jump in the shower and clean up, then be ready for Megan the Trainer's workout at 8, my day is shot.

Not really, but it isn't off to a good start.

I know, after living for 68 years, that I need routine.  I need organization.  I need a plan.

Now granted, those plans may not materialize very often, but at least I have one.

And I need that.

This morning was a prime example of what I do NOT need to do.

I set the alarm on my phone for 7 a.m. last night.  When it chimed this morning, I picked up my phone, turned it off, and rolled over for another two hours of sleep.  I didn't wake up again until 8:59 a.m.  Then I lay in the bed, looked at FB, and became depressed.  An email chimed, and it was the update on the state's current numbers of cases, tests given, and deaths.  For once the state map opened for me immediately instead of stalling like it usually does.  Then I read a FB post that even though we are taking precautions of sanitizing, not touching faces, keeping distant from others, shrinking our social circle, staying home, that this nasty virus is in the air and could affect us anyway.  What???  

So I am crying.  And Gary is upset with me for crying.  He says that I cry every day (I don't).  He says that I am always looking for the worst (that is not really true; I just want to be aware of what is happening or what could happen).  He then says the line that I just don't like at all -  "There is no reason to cry."   But for me there is.  I miss the kids. I miss the hugs of Owen and Lynnlee.  I miss Tessa looking at me with those questioning eyes when she asks about something.  I miss listening to Landon's wisdom.  I miss Cooper hopping around the room, non-stop, pitching or catching a baseball with an imaginary player, dribbling his imaginary basketball or throwing a pass of his imaginary football.  I want life to be normal again.  I don't want to think "I need to run to Hobby Lobby and pick  up some interfacing" and then stop, because I know I can't go anywhere that isn't essential (which means groceries or medicine or food).   It's only been three weeks, but I miss all of those things and more.

But then I return to the post I wrote a few days ago about the things I need to be thankful for...and I still have those.

I need to remember that God has this.  He is in control.  He will watch over us. 

And I need to remember what Grandma Greta always told me "This too shall pass."  It will.  And we will be stronger for it.

How do I avoid another morning like this one?

Set my alarm for 7 each morning.

Get up when the alarm rings.  No turning it off and rolling over for two more hours of sleep.

Have a plan for the day and stick to it.

Be normal for the day.  Eat meals at regular times.  Go to bed at a regular hour.

Exercise with Megan the Trainer five days a week.

Be productive.

Think good thoughts.

And since the clock on the mantle just chimed 11 times, and I am still sitting here in the recliner in my pajamas, and I still haven't had breakfast, I need to get up and get moving!

On to a better day!

No more rough mornings!  I am holding myself to that.

And just like that....the school year is over....

Well, not quite.  But the last months of school in 2020 will not be full of proms, field trips, baseball games and track meets, and graduations.

Today Goveror Holcomb declared that all school years would end after completing the requisite number of eLearning days.  Students and teachers are not returning to their classrooms until, hopefully, fall of 2020.

What does this mean?

This means that some students are ecstatic that they can stay home, even if they have to work on eLearning assignments, just so they don't have to sit in classes and listen to lectures.

This means that some students are crying because it is their senior year and there will be no 'end of the year' or 'end of their school years' or anything associated with being the oldest group in the school, something they have been working for since they were 5 year old kids in kindergarten.  They won't be marching into the gym or auditorium in their caps and gowns, receiving their diplomas, and enjoying that moment that they have worked so hard for.

No proms will happen this spring.  For some---no big deal.  For others it was the chance to be the 'grown up' and have a night of memories, one that they had been looking forward to for many months.

For others there  is sadness because school was the only stability that happened in their lives.  Their teachers cared about them.  They could have hugs and words of praise.  There was a hot breakfast, a good lunch, and sometimes snacks.  Organization and a routine made each day much easier for these kids.  Now they are hungry for love and attention, not to mention food.  Now they have no one to help them as they struggle with multiplication or reading words that they don't understand or how to read a map.  Instead of hearing kind supportive words, they hear how stupid they are or how much trouble they always cause.  The summer vacation they dread came too soon.

Others may need an extra boost and be afraid to ask for help, especially though a medium they don't really understand.  How can one ask a question when it involves how to access a chat with a teacher?

That senior season in baseball or track or golf?  Not gonna happen.  The opportunity to be the captain of the team, break a school record, or lead the team to its first sectional championship?  Gone.

But as one mother posted on FB this afternoon, she is in the minority when she says that she isn't that sad that the school year will be over.  Her senior daughter is ready to move on to the next chapter in her life.  And for her and her husband?  They are thankful that they can spend a couple of extra months with her before she goes off to school in the fall, which she admits will make the departure even more difficult.  

As much as I feel badly for the disruption of this school year, for the teachers, for the students, for their families, as Gary said, by closing school for the rest of the year, more lives may be saved.

And that is the primary concern.  More lives will be saved from this deadly virus.

Thinking of the Positives

My sister sent me an article today entitled "How I Survive Social Distancing" and just like the article  I read yesterday from the doctor in New York City, it really helped me understand what is happening here and calmed my nervousness.

First of all...today's article. Yes, I have been checking the news several times a day.  I have been receiving emails from the Indiana Dept of Health with updated numbers each day.  If I can't open the attachment, someone will post the picture of the state on FB, and I panic when I see the numbers.

I read too much that is posted on FB.  Then I let my mind run wild.   However......

"The most powerful weapon against fear during a crisis is gratitude."

Wow~ I hadn't really thought about that.  And then....

"Instead, we look at reality through the lens of all the things for which
we should be thankful."

Interesting.  


The first thing to do is to thank God for his mercy, his grace, his wisdom, his power.  He is in charge and we need to thank him for all that he does for us.

Next.  Thank God for the people in my life.  What would I do without Gary?  Without the girls?  Without Blaine and Matt?  Without the kids?  Without Megan the Trainer and the workouts each morning?  Without the Dotti's ladies and their daily Zoom chats?  Without my sister and her texts and emails?  We are all in this together.  All of us. Not just some of us or a few of us.  All of us.  And we are supporting each other.

Thank God for the places in my life.  I have said several times that I am SO glad we live here now.  We are set back from the road.  In the past two years I have adjusted to not having traffic past the house and not hearing noises from the road.  The only thing that we really hear on a regular basis is the train noises and we are getting more used to those.  We have a wonderful house with three levels so that we can distance ourselves from each other or we can be together.  Actually there seem to be four areas:  the upstairs (bedrooms), the living room, the kitchen/dining room, and the downstairs (family room and sewing room).  We don't get in each other's way inside the house very often.  I can spend time in the sewing room or work on a puzzle and watch the Game Show Network while Gary is watching yet another rerun of NCIS. We have a big yard to roam around in.  We have a lane to walk up and down.  We are close enough to Delphi to run into the stores there so we don't have to go into Lafayette.  There are also several options for carry-out meals if we choose to go that route.  Yes. I am thankful for living here.

Thank God for the things in my life.  Yes. Things.  Internet.  iPhones.  Zoom.  Facetime.  Being able to communicate with our family members without even using the old way of calling someone and talking.  I am SO thankful for the technology that allows Megan and Matt to continue to teach, and for Landon, Tessa, and Cooper to continue their classwork.  People may gripe about techology, but that same technology is keeping us connected with others during this crisis.  Fabric.  I have fabric.  I am SO thankful that I have a sewing room with two dressers full of fabric that I can go through and search for just what I need.  And today I found the perfect piece (which is a fat quarter of teal) for the cornerstone piece for Tessa's quilt.  Puzzles.  Books. Movies. The new TV which allows us to watch Netflix and Amazon Prime and YouTube on which we can see the church services!

And one other thing...I am SO thankful that we are both retired, with retirement income, Social Security, and a good bank account so that we don't have to worry about where money is coming from for food and other bills.  Even though I would be fine with teaching online and even though I had a contract and salary, we would still be concerned about the planting season once again this year.  After the rainy spring last year, it wouldn't be a good thing for us to be planting again this spring.

These things put a  different spin on this whole pandemic mess.  Yes, there are concerns.  But looking at us right now?  We have SO much to be thankful for and so many blessings.