Feeling in Limbo

I am not sure where I need to be.

Sounds strange, doesn't it? 

Last summer we spent so much time in Wooster, cleaning out Mom's house.  I joked that it was our 'summer home' and I was beginning to feel like I was part of the Woosterites.  We tried different restaurants.  The meat guys knew us at Buehlers since we were there so often to pick up empty boxes.  We were regulars at Hartlzers for ice cream.

Then when we returned home in the fall, the weekly routine of picking up the kids on Tuesday afternoons at Hilary's, spending Tuesday night at Megan's house, taking Cooper to pre-school on Wednesdays and taking care of Lynnlee the rest of the day happened. 

Add in a few trips---

August to Kansas

September to Niagara Falls, Canada, and Michigan

December/January to Gatlinburg

February to Orlando

March to the Caribbean

May to Gatlinburg

June to Michigan

Wow!  We have been traveling, haven't we??

And now we have purchased a new house.

Last week we spent four days/nights at Megan's house while they were in Chicago at a conference.

We were home for two nights, then back to Hilary's for four nights with Owen while they are camping close to Marion during Landon's tournament.

Then there is the question...where do we live now?

Are we still living at 4822 W. 550 S Winamac?

Are we living at 6101 N. 1000 E Lafayette?

Or are we living out of suitcases---still?  Again?  Always?

Closer and closer we are getting to being home, and I am looking forward to being in one place, in our own bed, and owning just one house (so our bank account goes back up again!).

Being in limbo!  At least Gary and I are in limbo together!

The Watched Laptop Screen Never.....

I am not sure how to end that!  I know it is 'the watched pot never boils' but I am not sure how to adapt it to watching the computer screen, refreshing every few mintues, just to see if an email or two come in.

Why?

Today is the day we wire the money for the new house.  It has to be done prior to closing, and since closing is Monday, it needs to be done today.

I have not done anything like this before.

I have never had this much money in my account before either.

It makes me nervous.

One thing is I really dislike being caught in the realm of someone else having to do something before I can.

For instance I need the email from the title company to send to the bank so they can process the funds and wire them. For me to have the email it has to be sent to me.  I have contacted our realtor several times,  She  has contacted the necessary people.  The emails have been sent, she has been told.  However, they have not been received.  Why?  Turns out the email address she gave them had a missing character and the emails were not going through.  In the meantime Karen is asking where the emails are so she can process the action needed.  I can't sent them to her until I receive them and there is nothing I can do about it until the people on the other end do what they need to do.

It's something like not being able to lay the carpet until the work is done on the ceiling and the cabinets and that can't be done until something else happens and the carpet people are ready. 

Stress.  And all of it is out of my control.

Geesh!

In the meantime I guess I can enjoy looking at our balances in our savings and checking accounts for a while longer.  All that will change soon....maybe.

Back to watching the laptop screen.....

A LIttle Bit of Progress

I was off to a slow start today. 

Yes, I know I spend too much time on the laptop.  But I do check on newsy items with FB and Dotti's and email.  Then I was chatting / texting with my sister and Krysten Hinkle.   Then I was checking some things online - like paint sales for the 4th and possible deals I might get on some items for the new house.  It all takes time.

Move to the kitchen.  I made tuna macaroni salad today for Gary.  It is something I made when I was growing up.  Not sure who started it, but I remember Grandma Greta making it, then Mom making it, and I made it because it was easy and good.  It is a perfect summer meal paired with baked bean, chips, and iced tea.  I like mine with chopped up green olives, but Gary prefers sweet pickle relish added to it.  Because he has been putting up with a lot from me lately (buying the house, looking for appliances, picking out paint colors), I deferred to him and added in pickle relish.  It was a good lunch and we have enough for tomorrow too.

I cleaned off the dining room table, cleaned out my purse, threw away bunches of papers and trash, and re-filled my pill containers.  In the process I found the Direct TV bill which I had not yet paid and it was due on June 18.  Yikes!  I knew what happened.  With buying the house, the Memorial Day weekend, ball games, babysitting, packing for vacation, going to Michigan, and hitting the ground running since our return, I had forgotten to pay it.  And I usually pay the bills the day they arrive or in the first couple of days after.  After I wrote out the checks for Direct TV and Verizon Wireless, we took a drive to Winamac so I could drop them in the outdoor box that has pick up at 5.  Whew. 

My plans for cleaning out things didn't work very well upstairs, mainly because it was so hot.  I did, however, clean out the cheese box by my recliner.  I cleared things off the top of it (things that I put there to use at some time or another).  Then I went through the drawers in the coffee table and the lamp table by Gary's recliner.  A little bit of trash, but a lot more for the Yard Sale pile.

I look around the living room and really there isn't too much left to purge.  I cleaned off the bookshelves in November.  I cleaned out the icebox not too long ago and honestly?  It hasn't been in our home that long to even become cluttered.  Grandpa Henderson's table is filled with Dad's memorabilia and I had cleaned off the shadowbox above it.  The main shadowbox just needs to be packed up.  There may be some things behind the couch to go through. The cabinets under the window seat need to be cleaned out . Then there is the entertainment center and I am not sure what will happen to all of the movies in it. 

The kitchen is kind of the same way.  I cleaned out the Amish cabinet, the wash stand, and the hutch before Thanksgiving along with the closet.  The kitchen cabinets may need some work, but not too much.  Just a matter of packing and moving. 

The bathroom?  We did that one a few weeks ago, before we knew we were buying a house.  Just on general principles.  Just because things were falling out of it when we opened the doors.

The fireplace room is not in too bad of shape.  I may need to go through the cabinet and the tall shelves in the corner.  I might so something with all of the red white and blue items since that will not be the main focus in any of the rooms.

But the upstairs?  Major work needed there.

Then the infamous Blue Bedroom. 

And the garage.

Ugh.

Work in progress.  It will take time.  But we should make some headway tomorrow and Thursday IF the rain cools off the temps.

Being without AC is tough.

Getting Closer

Less than a week and we close on the new house.

Wow.

Yesterday we purchased the dryer and gas range.  After looking forever, it seemed, and checking prices, looking at online reviews, and traveling from store to store, we decided on a Whirlpool dryer and a Samsung range.  The range is identical to Megan's but I didn't realize it at the time.  Guess I enjoyed cooking on hers!  They will be delivered next Friday.  We wanted them in place before the new carpet went in.

Closing.  Wiring a massive amount of money.  I have never spent that much money---not ever.  Sure, I know that farm equipment has high price tags and that we have dealt with high amounts of money when we sold corn and soybeans, but that was all in the farm account and first Gary's mom, then he himself handled it.  Not me.   So that in itself is frightening for me.

However I know that when we sell our place and after the farm equipment is sold and the 20 acres behind the farm is sold, that our bank account will shoot back up and all will be well. In the meantime, Gary said we own TWO houses and TWO small patches of acreage so we have no worries!

As far as I know the rest of the week until Landon's ball game Friday night is free.   The plan?  Working upstairs to start the purging process.  I dread it in a way, but also I am excited about it.  Now I have a reason to do it.  I can look at things and see choices:  trash, yard sale, save to move, give to the girls.  It is refreshing to do that.  Plus I need to look at the things we are getting rid of as re-purposing for someone else or giving someone else joy.  I like that perspective. 

Walk through the house on Saturday.

Order a pantry and an island.

Check on Fourth of July sale prices on the fridge we want.

Moving down the list.....

This Day in History

I don't talk about this much.  In fact it is never a topic of conversation.  But every year there are two dates I think about this.

One is in early December 1979.  It was around the 5th or 6th.  The previous few weeks had been exciting for us.  I had learned that I was pregnant for the first time. Not only was this our first child, it was also the first grandchild on both sides of the family.  Everyone was so excited.  However, in early December all of this changed to sorrow. I started to spot.  There were clots.  Large clots.  Gary rushed me to Home Hospital Emergency Room in Lafayette.  I had lost the baby.  A miscarriage.  A D&C.  An overnight stay in the hospital - down a quiet hallway away from the newborn babies.  In fact the hallway was so quiet that the nurses forgot about me for several hours.  No food.  Nothing to take a shower or even a sponge bath.  Just me. Alone in the room.  Knowing no baby would be coming into our family.

I was just shy of ending my first trimester.   Dr. Wolfe told me later that it was probably the red-headed boy I had hoped for.

Every year in early December I am so sad, short-tempered, I cry, and I don't know what is wrong with me.

Then I remember the date.  And I cry more.

My due date for the baby was June 13.  I remember I had to check the 1980 calendar to see when that date fell and I was hoping it wouldn't be a Friday.  I am not really superstitious, but Gary's Aunt Hattie had a 'thing' about the number 13.  The story was always told that when the Illinois aunts came to our wedding and joined other family members for breakfast the next day, Aunt Hattie moved to a different table because there were 13 people sitting at the same one.

Christmas was difficult in 1979.  We had a couple of gifts for the new baby under the tree that we had to put away.  My mother decided also that a good gift for me would be a box full of all of the fabric she had purchased to make me some maternity tops, along with the patterns, just in case I wanted to make them later or use the fabric for something else.  She never did understand why I burst into tears and ran upstairs at their house after I opened that gift.  That spring was hard because there were other people who were pregnant at the same time and I seemed to always run into them.  Of course I would think instantly that I would have looked pregnant, would have been wearing cute loose maternity tops, would be preparing the nursery, would be the guest of honor at baby showers. But no. I had lost my baby.

The worst was when one of the tellers at the bank, who was also pregnant and with whom I had discussed possible baby names when we first learned we were pregnant at the same time, named her daughter Megan.  That hurt me so much since Megan was the name we wanted to use for our first daughter--and she had taken it.  It took me a long time before I could see that Megan's name or see a picture of her in the county paper without cringing.  Finally when she came into my Purdue English class I could look past that hurt from 18 years earlier and see her for the sweet girl she really was.

The fall of 1980 I became pregnant for the second time.  I was nervous.  I didn't want to tell anyone.  I was afraid every time I used the bathroom that I would find blood and lose this baby too. When I made it through the first trimester I was cautiously happy.  The end of the second trimester was a thrill. And the closer the April 4 due date came, the more certain I was that we were indeed to become parents.

Megan Elizabeth was born on April 8, 1981.

Hilary Rose was born on April 19, 1984.

Looking back now I realize that if we hadn't lost the first baby, Megan probably wouldn't have been born.  I am not sure that Hilary would have been either since we wanted to space our children by 3-4 years.  I can't imagine our lives without either one of our precious, beautiful daughters.

But in the last few years a couple of things, coincidences maybe, ironies perhaps, have occurred to me.

On December 5, 1979 a baby boy was born in the Frankfort Hospital.  In 2010 he married our daughter.  A baby boy born at the same time as my miscarriage.  Not the same hospital.  But the same date.

Three years later on August 21, 2013 our grandson, Cooper Matthew Scott was born.  And he has bright red hair.  My red-headed little boy.

Tonight as we were driving home from Landon's baseball game at Michigantown, after stopping to see Cooper and Lynnlee for a few minutes, I reminded Gary that today was a date I would never forget.  June 13.  The day our first baby was due.  We could have been celebrating his or her 38th birthday today.

But instead we are preparing to close on a new house so that we can move closer to Megan, Matt, Cooper, and Lynnlee and Hilary, Blaine, Landon, Tessa, and Owen.

And I wouldn't wish it to be any other way.  But I still will remember.

Moving along.....

Inspection done.

List presented to owners.

Owners not fixing anything - giving $1000 off price to offset the needed repairs.

Closing set for June 25

Signing some papers on Friday.

Looking at more floor covering today.

Checking out some appliances.

It's getting real.

Girl, Wash Your Face!

New book I have been reading for a week or so by Rachel Hollis.

It reads very similarly to some of those I have read and studied for the OBS from Proverbs 31 Ministries.  The difference, however, is the lack of scripture references and God connections.  This is not to say that there isn't a little bit of faith based ties, but the emphasis on the Bible is not there. 

As I have made my way through the chapters, something sticks out to me in just about every one of them.  I like Rachel's style.  She not only focuses on the ideas that we struggle with, such as being a good mom or achieving dreams or setting goals, but even as you are thinking, "oh yeah.  Here we go again with the same old topics"  her presentation is not the same.  No, not at all.  She shares, and I mean really shares, her personal experiences.  She tells it like it is.  She is honest.  She is frank.  She ties it all together, then she offers suggestions on how what works for her to make what she has said work in her life.  And it works. Ha!

Sometimes I think that I read a book, complete a Bible Study, and in a few weeks I have forgotten about it.  Why even bother, then, often crosses my mind.   But she mentions how she has attended many seminars, listens to podcasts, reads various blogs, and hears motivational speakers. If there is just ONE thing that she remembers and applies to her life to make an improvement, then it is worth it. I like that way of thinking because I tend to remember just a few things, a couple that apply well to my life, or hit home when I am listening or reading.  I guess I have been gaining more than I thought through my many OBS.

Tonight I read her chapter about being able to write (as in publishing her books and her blogs).  She had always enjoyed reading reviews of her books because of the praise she received, the connections readers made to her words, and how they were moved by the shared instances from her life experiences.  Then one day she read a 2 star review and struggled with everything the person said, wondered how she could change the reader's mind, and finally realized that not everyone would like everything she wrote.  And it was ok.  One of her end-of-the-chapter items was to stop reading the reviews.

This is one of the 'hitting home' points.

Ivy Tech asked students to review their instructors at the end of each semester.  Adjuncts and first year instructions were evaluated in all of their classes.  As tenure grew, then the number of classes polled became smaller and at times, non-existent.   I was always glad to have my classes skipped on the review process and was overjoyed the few semesters that none of my students were asked to participate.

Why?

Because when I first started at Ivy Tech, I read some of the reviews and looked at the rankings.  I became very discouraged when I saw low marks on 'organized classes' since I spent so much time planning, had a schedule that I followed for each class and had stacks of handouts separated and stacked in separate piles in my office a week ahead.  How dare those students say that! 

Then there was those who marked low on 'maintains a safe classroom.'  That one totally baffled me because there was nothing dangerous in any of the rooms in which I taught.  Unless a computer was to fall over on a student or a chair tip because a student was not sitting correctly, no casualties!

Other criticisms including not returning papers in a timely manner or not answering questions or failing to explain the assignments for the next class, all of which I knew were not true.

Even worse was listening to other faculty sharing the wonderful remarks their students had written about them or looking forward to reading the reviews so they could learn their weak points and make improvements for the next semester.

Fiddle-dee-dee. (I am watching Gone with the Wind right now--can you tell?)

I decided to stop reading the reviews.  In fact after I had to print a few of them for my portfolio (and I printed only the good ones), I sent the emails to the trash can without opening them.

Shame on me!

But really.  When I KNOW that I explain the process of writing over and over, post a powerpoint on Blackboard, and create a discussion board post about it, then have several students say they never heard of it and needed more instruction on it, I see that as THEIR problem, not mine.

So I stopped reading them.

I teach the way I teach.  I adjust when I feel my students are not comprehending what they need to know.   My teaching methods were never set it stone because I tried different activities for different types of students so that I could reach them.

But my point about this whole discussion is this.  If you know what you are doing and know that your motives and methods are sounds, then continue to do what you have been doing.  Could I please everyone?  No.  Would all of my students like me?  Of course not.  But I wanted them to learn to become better writers, and if that goal was accomplished, then I was successful.  It didn't matter if they filled out great reviews or offered 20 suggestions for improvement.  I did what I knew how to do, and I was good at it.

So there.

Onward to more of the book on the drive to Michigan tomorrow. I hope I finish it before it is due to Overdrive!