Memories

Sometime ago I saw on Pinterest or on Facebook or somewhere in a magazine these items and thought they would be cool to make.  Memory pillows are made from shirts worn by a loved one.  The cut fabric (from the front and the back of the shirt) are sewn together with the buttons on the front center.  After the stitching, the fabric is turned to the right side, a pillow inserted, and the shirt re-buttoned.  A pillow is made with the 'case' the loved one's shirt.  I also spotted a verse to embroider on a patch that could then be sewn onto the front of the shirt as a tender reminder from the loved one that he/she is close by - always.

 

When Leo died in March and we were sorting through his clothes later, I grabbed several shirts.  He wasn't really one to wear button up shirts; rather he wore more polo shirts or a t-shirt. Most of his button up shirts were white ones that he wore with his Lions Club DG blazer.  Later when Agnes was so sick and Karen and I were sorting through some of her clothes.  Several blouses were in the stack and I added those to the ones I already had from Leo's closet. 

Someone mentioned the DVDs of the video played during Leo's visitation, and I said I had all of those and planned to give them to everyone on Christmas Eve.  The wheels began to turn, as they often do.  Could I do it?  Could I put together a meaningful Christmas gift, one to be cherished, one so timely for the first Christmas Eve to celebrate without the family patriarch and matriarch?  Yes, I could!

 

You know, much as people fuss about spending time on the computer, checking Pinterest, or communicating through texts and emails, much can be accomplished in a short amount of time using the internet.  An instructional video on YouTube.  Pictures on Pinterest with a link to a blog full of instructions.  A friend in Michigan who has an embroidery business on Etsy.  Other than the delay of the first mailing and the necessity of the second mailing through the 'old reliable' postal service, it was relatively easy to complete the project.



Christmas Eve arrived.  After the game with the purple presents, Landon and I distributed the big gift bags to Gary, Sandy, Karen, Mike, Megan, Hilary, Nick, Amanda, and Shelby.  In each bag was a pillow with a patched message.  The siblings received two DVDs, each one containing the slide show from each visitation.  Also in the bag was a gift card holder containing a flash drive of the pictures.  The cousins received at least one DVD.

 

As expected, there was silence, then exclamations of surprise and sadness, then tears and hugs.  Most meaningful for me were the comments from the others.  Mike told me that this was the best Christmas gift he had ever received.  Sandy hugged me and said this was so special and thanked me for making the pillow for her.  Karen was crying and said something similar to Sandy.  Gary and the girls knew I was making them and they had seen them before Christmas Eve.  Hilary told me that Amanda had tears in her eyes as well.








When I was searching for a few more shirts, Gary found two upstairs in the house at The Farm.  One was a denim shirt that he remembered his mother wearing often and he wanted that one for his pillow.  The second one was a green and blue plaid shirt with a blue corduroy collar that was one of my favorites of hers.  I made a pillow for me from that one.  Hilary selected a blue pajama top of Grandpa's for hers, and Megan wanted the green plaid pajama top pillow because her cover picture on FB is of her and Hilary with Grandpa wearing that shirt.  The extra Grandma pillow I had with the bicycle appliques on it was one that I offered to Nick as a substitute for the one he received, if he didn't like that one.  Angie wanted it, so it is returning to Kansas with them. 





I still need to make a pillow for Clay and one for Kent.  I will be searching for more shirts after Christmas.  Then I would like to make four more pillows for each of the great-grandchildren.  Another way to keep their memories alive! 






What to do with the leftover fabric from the sleeves and the collars and the tails of the shirts?  What to do with all of those white shirts?  Throwback to the original quilting fabrics from the days of my great-grandmother----I'll cut squares from the remnants and eventually piece together quilt tops for lap quilts.  I can use some of the pajama pants fabric also.





You know, when I think of the best Christmas gifts, I always thinks that those which come from the heart are the best and most memorable.  While I will enjoy my new microwave and think of the family each time I use it, I know that the memory pillow will hold a special place in my heart as one of the favorite gifts of Christmas 2016.

 

What Is Important?

The last few days, actually the last couple of weeks, have been a mixture of  emotions, all of which circled around the most important holiday that we celebrate, Christmas.  Those emotions haven't all been associated with Christmas, however.  So instead of writing paragraphs or a lengthy explanation of the background of such emotions, here goes with my bulleted list.

• Love - love of family, love of traditions, love of food, love of gift giving, love of gift receiving, love of music, love of holidays
• Happiness - laughter of family members as they try to capture the most coveted purple gift; the screams of delight as Landon, Cooper, and Tessa find extra gifts in the sunroom and are so excited to unwrap them; watching the interaction of family on Christmas Eve; listening to Landon ask at 11:00 p.m. if it is time to get up and see what Santa brought him, Tessa, and Owen
• Wonder - the lights on the houses that we drive by, the decorations in the towns we drive through, the family members who always seem to gather on December 23-26 at various times for the annual back-home visit, the festive atmosphere in stores and with the shoppers (unless they are frantically searching for last minute gifts)  My favorite days of the Christmas season are those mentioned above because those are the times when everyone is at the happiest for Christmas
• Expectation - presents under the tree always creates expectation.  What is in the box?  Is the big box really a big gift or a box of tissue paper with a gift card tucked inside?  Is the long-awaited, yearned for gift going to be a reality?  Did anyone really listen to your hints about what you wanted for Christmas (Yes, Hilary, I know you did)  Children who really believe that Santa will bring them what they have asked for --and he did!
• Sadness - for loved ones who are not spending Christmas with us this year.  For memories of past Christmases that were so happy and that cannot be duplicated.
• Thankfulness - That Jesus was born in a manger, died on the cross for my sins, and is my Savior; that our family is able to be together (immediate and extended) and that we can provide food, a warm place to gather, and gifts for everyone
• Pride - in our daughters, that they have grown to be wonderful young women with good values, who can pull together to plan a wonderful Christmas Eve with new traditions, a new menu, and new activities while maintaining some of the traditions of the Siemens Christmas Eve. They are also developing new traditions with their own families and include us in their celebrations.
• Sorrow - when I listen to my mother tell me she wishes she were dead.  Two things make me sad: that she doesn't see any value in her life other than living in her house and with her material possessions and that my mother-in-law and father-in-law and father are all dead and treasured  not only celebrating Christmas with us but savored each and every moment they had with their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  It hurt so much to hear her say that, especially on Christmas and especially when losing Mom Siemens is so fresh and painful.
• Contentment - we have been gone for eight of the last 12 days and I have missed being at home.  No, I don't love my house, like Mom does, and yell "MY HOUSE! MY HOUSE!" like Mom does when she returns to 1300 Barnes Drive,  but I enjoy our Christmas decor, just the feeling of being 'at home,' sleeping in my own bed with my own pillow (even though I did sleep for 10 hours at Hilary's house last week on Monday night), and not pulling clothes and other items out of the suitcase.  Typing this I am sitting in my recliner, looking at the two Christmas trees lit with white lights, looking at the candles in the windows, and gazing at the outdoor lights lining the fence along the sidewalk, all while snuggling under my snowman throw. And tomorrow we leave again for six nights!

What is important?

Family.
Love.
Happiness.
Wonder.
Contentment.
Faith in our Lord Jesus Christ whose birth we celebrated yesterday.

A Special Lady in My Life

I have been thinking so much the last few days about my dear mother-in-law.  It has been a month since she left us and went to live in Heaven with her husband and Jesus.  I miss her so much.

Why was she so special?  Many reasons.

Her early life was very difficult.  Her father died when she was 7.  Her mother didn't want her children; she was more interested in her boyfriends than she was her four daughters and two sons.  Welfare soon stepped in, and the family was separated.  Agnes spent her elementary and junior high years living in an orphanage, the Indiana Soldiers and Sailors Home for Children.  Taking care of children in the community, washing clothes, and cleaning houses were part of her duties.  Eventually she lived with her Aunt Katie in Medaryville and was able to attend high school there.  She also caught the eye of a young man who was intrigued by that beautiful young girl walking down the street to the school every day.  They met, courted, married, and lived in the same house where they raised their four children for 66 years.

In the forty years that I have been part of the family, I never heard Agnes complain about her life.  As Jim said during the funeral, she didn't have a good role model for a wife or a mother, but she knew how to love her husband and her family.  She instilled that love in her four children, their spouses, her grandchildren, and her four great-grandchildren.  She enjoyed her life.  She made do with what she had.  She used duct tape like I have never seen it used before!  She kept a clean house, all of the clothes were washed and dried, and food was always on the table for each meal.  She raised vegetables in the garden and filled canning jars and freezer bags with the produce.  Cows were butchered for the best roasts, steaks, and hamburger anyone could desire.  Money may have been tight, but the family was never wanting for anything. And Agnes never complained the first time.  Never.

Agnes was just a 'nice lady,' and everyone who knew her would agree with that.  I spent some time this afternoon with Lois Stiller across the field. Her son Bob graduated with Mike so she and Monte were parents, along with my in-laws,  of classmates, teammates on the football and basketball teams, and spent much time together in gyms and on bleachers.  Plus her granddaughter Elyse was a good friend of Hilary's and visited Grandpa and Grandma with her often.  Lois today mentioned how sweet Agnes was, what a great couple both Leo and Agnes were, and how much they cared about their family.  After we talked I had to agree that they were indeed well-respected in the community.  Agnes was a good wife and mother, always supportive to her family, always attending events and activities.

From Agnes and Leo I learned that families stick together and support; they don't desert.  When I received my master's degree from Purdue in 1977, I declined to walk in the ceremony.  My mother reluctantly attended my graduation from ISU in 1973 and stressed that weekend what an imposition it was for her to be there. My father didn't attend because, as my mother said, he couldn't make two trips from Wooster to Indiana in a month and it was more important for him to be at my sister's graduation at the end of the month than at mine.  When I received my Purdue diploma in the mail and showed it to Gary's folks, Leo asked why I didn't walk in the ceremony a few weeks earlier.  I said I didn't think anyone would want to go with me and watch me except Gary and I didn't want to be hurt again.  He quickly set me straight on that, telling me that he and Agnes would have been there, and Ann and Bud would have supported me too.  A few years later when Mike graduated from Purdue, then from University of Missouri, first with his master's degree, then with his doctorate, we were all there, supporting him and Angie.   Not walking in my Purdue graduation is something I will always regret.  I worked hard for that degree, and I would have loved to have the memory of receiving it with people who loved me and cared about me in the audience, cheering for me.  This is just one example of support from my in-laws.  They attended so many games and performances of their granddaughters.  They were the first guests to arrive at birthday parties and graduation open houses. They never missed Grandparents' Days at West Central Elementary.  Phone calls to check on us during storms, after travel to a vacation spot or to see if we had returned home....all of those things showed their love for their family.

This fall Agnes told me several times how much she appreciated me.  She thanked me often for bringing food for her, for picking up her medicine, for getting the mail, for buying her pants and nightgowns that fit her better since the cancer was eating away at her body.  During the harvest she would tell me what a good wife I was, and had been, and how much Gary appreciated my riding in the combine with him, bringing him lunch, and filling his water jugs.  She told me how proud she was of the girls and what a great mother I was to have raised such wonderful daughters.  She shared how much she loved Landon, Tessa, Cooper, and Owen, and how she was glad I was retired so I could spend more time with them and enjoy them. The best thing she said to me was the week before she died. She told me I was a good daughter.  Hearing her say that to me meant more than I can ever express.  This is something that I haven't heard very often, and when I did, it was from my dad, and only my dad.  To have my mother-in-law tell me that I was a good daughter is something that I will never ever forget.  I know how much she cared about me.  I know how much she appreciated my being there with her, helping her, taking care of her, fixing her strawberry milkshakes, adding more ice to her water, sharing my body lotion with her when the CNA had bathed her.  I know that she loved me.

Many memories are flooding back at me today.  Why?  Because tomorrow we go to Ohio for my own mother's procedure to replace a valve in her heart. Everything I love and admire about my mother-in-law does not apply to my own mother. Mom grew up in a home with both parents, with food on the table and a good education. Yet Mom repeatedly reminds us that her life has been full of so many hardships.  Mom complained about attending events, and Megan will never forget her not coming to a grandparents day on a Friday because it interfered with her hair appointment.  Another time Mom spent so much time at a grandparents day visiting with grandparents of other students that she didn't even visit Megan's classroom to see what she had prepared for that special day.  Mom always had excuses for not coming here, explaining that she had such a busy schedule that she just couldn't take the time to come to the fair or a Melodyaires performance or a basketball game.  "Family" was not a priority either.  All of my aunts had no common sense, or were domineering, or not good enough to socialize with.  Even pitting family members against each other seemed to be a favorite pastime rather than gathering together to create happy memories.  All the negatives were emphasized, not the positives.  Even now Mom focuses on what is wrong with individuals rather than their attributes.  Including my sister.  Including me.  Including our husbands and my children.

Agnes, however,  loved me. She knew I was a good person.  She bragged about my teaching career to the hospice nurses.  She thought I was a great wife to her son.  She was so proud of her granddaughters and knew that they had been raised well. The four great-grandchildren brightened her day, and she always appreciated our bringing them for visits each time they spent the night with us.

But most of all, she knew I was a good daughter. She told me that during the last few days of her life while I was showing her the new nightgowns I had brought for her so that she would be more comfortable as she rested. A good daughter.  That means the world to me.  I miss her.  

First Christmas Season in Retirement

Coming off of a sad month of November, I was determined to be ready, be prepared, and enjoy the entire month of December and the Christmas holiday.

So far so good!

Christmas tree up and house decorated, inside and out, by December 1.  That has NEVER happened!  Now granted, some of the decorations didn't make it out of the tubs.  The top of the hutch is still full of pottery instead of Christmas trees and other decor. The Christmas village is still hiding somewhere.  Plus the poinsettias in the blue chair on the front porch have disappeared.

Most of the shopping is finished.  Whoever invented online shopping and Amazon prime free shipping is a genius.  The UPS man has made several stops at our house in the last few weeks.  Only a couple of items still need to be purchased, and a few need to be delivered.  A few stocking stuffers are still needed.  Other than that, shopping is finished.

And the wrapping is done too. I remember taking personal days from West Central just to wrap presents.  I would wrap late into the night.  We used to wrap AFTER the Siemens Family Christmas on Christmas Eve.  I was always exhausted because of all of the wrapping.  Not this year.  Done. 

Christmas cards? I remember addressing them during my Christmas movie series in junior English the days before Christmas break.  Then it would be after all of the final papers were graded and final grades posted.  Last year I barely was able to address cards and send them before Christmas Day.   This year I addressed in one afternoon, stamped all of them and added the return address labels, then folded the letters that Megan printed for me this past Friday and mailed all of them out on either Friday from home or Saturday from the Yaggie mailbox. 

I always have good intentions for homemade or special gifts, but those never happen.  No time.  Good ideas, but not enough time to do anything about them.  The last ten years especially have been rough in that area because all of the papers have to be graded and final grades posted within 24 hours of the end of the classes.  At least when I was teaching high school the grades weren't due until the first days back after the holidays.  This year I made memory pillows for Gary, his sisters and brother, the girls, and Nick, Amanda, and Shelby.  I also made fabric Christmas trees (which still need toppers).  All of the spa cloths I knitted during the Gatlinburg trip last year are paired with soaps for the ladies on Christmas Eve. I am quite pleased that good intentions actually happened. I hope the recipients will be pleased with their gifts. 

I used to listen to Christmas carols in my classroom during tests, during prep, and before and after school.  The last few years I haven't listened to Christmas carols at all except for the random song on the radio.  I have missed that.  This year there has been less television and more music.  One of my favorite things was listening to "Carol of the Bells" by the Trans Siberian Orchestra today while we were making chili and grilled cheese for lunch. What a beautiful song!  Love it! 

Crockpot peanut clusters were added to my Christmas treats list last year.  I have made four batches, all different, so far.  I am ready for gifts for Lindsey, the people at church, the mailmen, the UPS guy the trash guys, and anyone else I can think of who might need a Christmas treat.  Done!  All of the containers are full.  Cookie baking is planned for Monday the 19th when we stay with the kids while Hilary and Blaine celebrate their anniversary.

Also there have been many 'maybe next year we can...' things that I always want to do but rarely do we find the time or the energy to do them. This year some of them happened...

One - going to see The Nutcracker.  Dad loved The Nutcracker and I enjoy the music, plus we have a collection of five nutcrackers on the shelf in the fireplace room.  This year Elizabeth and I went to see the ballet at Butler University, Clowes Hall, her alma mater.  We had an early dinner at Red Robin, saw the ballet with excellent seats, and talked all the way back to Logansport. It was a great evening!

Two - going to the Purdue Christmas Show.  We had first gone to this when Mike was a student at Purdue, then through the years so many other things got in the way, like children needing babysitters, supervising boys basketball games, decorating for Student Council Holiday Dinners, Christmas concerts at school, and girls basketball games.  A few years ago Gary and I went to one, followed by going to IHOP for a late dinner (I had pumpkin pancakes , I remember).  He doesn't remember this, but I do.  I was determined to go again this year, so we went to the Saturday noon performance.  Once again other things are getting in the way (not bad things, by the way), such as babysitting with grandchildren.  Even though Gary balked at first about going, he really enjoyed it.  We plan to go again next year, maybe taking Landon with us.

Three - the Circle of Lights at Monument Circle.  We happened onto this two years ago when we spent the night downtown after Pioneer played in the state football finals on Thanksgiving weekend.  This year they were in the finals again, and we stayed at Home 2 (by Hilton) two blocks from the circle.  We had mentioned it to both Megan and Hilary.  Hilary and Blaine and the kids met us after the Streitmatter Christmas.  After dinner at Hard Rock Cafe, we walked to the circle and enjoyed the lights, the decorations, and the festive atmosphere. Tessa was intrigued with the carriage ride that looked like Cinderella's carriage after it had transformed from a pumpkin.  We plan to go again next year, and we hope that Megan, Matt, and Cooper can join us.

Four - a new tradition was going to the Speedway to see the lights. This was the first year the track and infield were decorated and it was so festive!  We were lucky enough to be among the first in line.  It was a great drive around the track, across the bricks, and in Gasoline Alley.  I think Blaine and Gary were excited when we drove across the bricks. It was a great evening for all of us.  One bit of advice - since the fee is charged per car, it is best to have a full car to get the most for your money!

Here it is, December 12, and I have so many things accomplished.  However, we will be going to Ohio on Wednesday for Mom's heart valve replacement on Thursday and probably won't be back until late Saturday.  Next week will be busy with last minute preparations, then the festivities begin.  At least we will not be rushed, trying to cram in wrapping and last minute shopping and finishing the cards so they arrive before Christmas.

If anyone is reading this, he/she may be thinking that I am boasting about everything I have accomplished so far, and I assure you that is NOT the intent.  I have spent so many years rushing and trying to have everything ready for the holiday that I just cannot enjoy it.  Last year was so horrible with all of the grading that I was looking forward so much to this Christmas season and NOT having to grade anything.  I don't miss the grading, the pleading, and the rush to finish everything so I could just...go....home.  Then I would be so exhausted that I didn't really care.  I just wanted it to be over.

I know that this Christmas will be different without Mom and Dad Siemens. I know how hard it will be to change locations and start some new traditions. I think that is why I am trying to hard to be happy, to be more relaxed, and to enjoy everything to the fullest. 

Who knows?  Maybe I am starting a new trend with the re-discovered excitement about the Christmas preparations.  Maybe this is a one year thing. I just know that I am more relaxed now, and I am enjoying everything so much more. 

Retirement has been a good thing!

Timely and Timeless

For many years this poem was included in the anthology used in the junior American Lit classes.  I always taught it with the unit on the Fireside Poets, along with John Greenleaf Whittier's poem "Snowbound" and many others.  This one, and Whittier's poem, was always good to teach just at this time of year, during a winter snow. Students could relate better to the images when just outside the window the same scenes are found.  

On the east side of Francesville in the Roseland Cemetery.  Every time I drive past it on a snowy day I think of this poem.  The many graves are blanketed with snow, just as the grave was in the poem.  Each time I think about how the body of the deceased is still resting inside the casket, just as it was the last time family members said goodbye right before the lid was closed for the final time.  The body appears to be as one is sleeping, with eyes closed, hands folded, and a peaceful look upon the face.  

Snow is insulating.  It provides a cover for whatever is below its depth.  The flakes pack together and form a blanket for the area in front of and behind the stone. The melting snow will provide nourishment for the grass and other plants beneath it with water and other minerals and nutrients.

 

 

The First Snowfall

by James Russell Lowell

THE snow had begun in the gloaming,
And busily all the night
Had been heaping field and highway
With a silence deep and white.

Every pine and fir and hemlock
Wore ermine too dear for an earl,
And the poorest twig on the elm-tree
Was ridged inch deep with pearl.

From sheds new-roofed with Carrara
Came Chanticleer's muffled crow,
The stiff rails were softened to swan's-down,
And still fluttered down the snow.

I stood and watched by the window
The noiseless work of the sky,
And the sudden flurries of snow-birds,
Like brown leaves whirling by.

I thought of a mound in sweet Auburn
Where a little headstone stood;
How the flakes were folding it gently,
As did robins the babes in the wood.

Up spoke our own little Mabel,
Saying, 'Father, who makes it snow?'
And I told of the good All-father
Who cares for us here below.

Again I looked at the snowfall,
And thought of the leaden sky
That arched o'er our first great sorrow,
When that mound was heaped so high.

I remembered the gradual patience
That fell from that cloud like snow,
Flake by flake, healing and hiding
The scar of our deep-plunged woe.

And again to the child I whispered,
'The snow that husheth all,
Darling, the merciful Father
Alone can make it fall! '

Then, with eyes that saw not, I kissed her;
And she, kissing back, could not know
That my kiss was given to her sister,
Folded close under deepening snow. 

This winter our family is experiencing many 'firsts' without Gary's folks. During the spring and summer it was the first planting season.  The first Mother's Day.  The first Memorial Day weekend.  The first Father's Day.   Fireworks and the 4th of July.  The fair. The 67th wedding anniversary.  His birthday.

Now after November 10, the voids are larger, more noticeable.  The first Thanksgiving without them.  Soon, the first Christmas.  Tessa's birthday party and Shelby's graduation Open House was the first 'events' without either of them in attendance.  The family pulled together, though; all four of the siblings attended the birthday party.  All of us except Mike, Angie and Nick were at the open house on Saturday.

The past few days saw the first (or maybe it was the second) major snowfall.  Yesterday as we drove to church and passed Roseland Cemetery, this poem popped into my mind.  Even though the subject is a child and her death, the phrases still are applicable to us.

a mound

a headstone

a cemetery

flakes folded around

the leaden sky

our first great sorrow

the mound heaped so high

gradual patience

falling from the sky

flake by flake

healing and hiding the scar of our deep-plunged woe

kiss given to her sister folded close under the deepening snow

Timely because of the season, because of recent losses in our family.

Timeless because life and death are forever with us. 

 
Edited to add on Dec. 23, 2016:

Last week we were in Wooster for Mom's heart valve replacement.  I always stop by the cemetery when we are in town, and this time I took a picture of Dad's gravesite to add to this blog post.  Covered in a blanket of snow.....

 

Four Loves of My Life

I can't even put into words how much I love our four grandchildren.   Each of them is special.  Each of them I love with all of my heart.  Time spent with them is precious, and I don't know what I would do if they didn't live an hour away from us.  This doesn't mean that I am glad they don't live closer; what it means is that we know so many people whose grandchildren are HOURS away and their personal visits are few and far between. We are indeed lucky to have our four so close.  Even though the pictures are not from today, they are recent and I like them!

 

Writing about each of them would take pages and pages, so the focus will be today.

Landon - What impressed me about Landon today was his willingness to help clean up after Shelby's graduation open house.  In the kitchen he was wiping off counters.  He helped me collect salt and pepper shakers.  He looked for a dustpan for Uncle Clay.  I know he did more that I didn't see.  How many six-year-old boys would do that? Plus he is a great big brother to Owen.  He followed him around while Owen was toddling around the basketball court this morning. He kept an eye on him at the open house to be sure he didn't escape outside.






Tessa - Boots!  Boots!  Boots!  Boots!  Showing off our boots tonight!  She is a snuggler.  She likes to be read to.   My mental picture of her tonight is sitting with Shelby as she was opening her cards and gifts.  She is a great cousin to Cooper - they seemed to be best buddies tonight. She is a very special little girl.

 




Cooper - Cooper baked cookies and made other treats with his Scott cousins today and he brought me and Papaw a ziplock bag of his handiwork.  Tonight he was teasing Owen who was teasing him right back.  He and Tessa were playing "follow the leader" with another little boy at the open house.  I love to watch him with his cousins.

 

 





Owen - He is on the move!  He is ornery and loving and cunning.  He has a sparkle in his eye when he thinks he can get away with scooting just out of reach and escaping.  He will check over his shoulder to see if anyone is coming after him, then move more quickly, sometimes in a different direction.  He is such a neat little guy and is becoming more fun each and every day.



Very special grandchildren.  We are indeed blessed.

New Adventure

The day of Agnes' funeral Gary and Clay took Mike to O'Hare for an early-the-next-morning flight to Toronto, and I was going home alone and not looking forward to a quiet house.  I called Jane and Jr. to see if I could stop by for a few minutes.

While I was there, Jane fixed me a cup of hot tea that was one of the best cups of hot tea I have had in a LONG time.  Then she told me to check my calendar for December 8 and mark it for a card-making class that we were going to attend at the Francesville Library.  So I did.  And we are going this afternoon.

I have made a few cards, but it is not my favorite thing to do, so I haven't pursued this as a hobby. Similarly, I tried my hand at scrapbooking and enjoyed the products I came up with, but it was not something that I really wanted to pursue more aggressively.

However...I am looking forward to this card-making adventure.  It will give me a chance to get out of the house and do something productive.  Jane and I can do something together, which we want to do but that opportunity never seems to present itself.  Plus it may give me a nice card that I can send to someone or just keep for display on the fridge or on top of the entertainment center or hutch.

Picture to follow.....

And here it is!

 

"Words That Made My Heart Ache"

Yes, I am awake too early this morning.  I didn't go upstairs until 2 this morning to sleep.  Why?  I was working on ordering some things online, checking email, updating my gift lists, adding the finishing touches to the Christmas card letter...You know, important things like that. 

Yet I am awake at 7 a.m. and I know I am going to crash later today.  But something made me sit in the recliner instead of going back upstairs.

I am a morning person. I love the quiet of the early morning hours, watching the eastern sky brighten, and the hearing the day begin.  That is a topic for another blog post.....not today.
 
Today I checked my email and read the daily post from Proverbs 31 since the title caught my eye - the same one I used for the title of this post.

Wendy Pope, who is the author of Wait and See, also shared her thoughts in today's daily message.  Wait and See is the current OBS, one which I have enjoyed but also one which has been hard to follow because of time, which is ironic, and which is the subject for yet another blog post.

I seem to be digressing, don't I?

Anyway, her post was about getting older (aren't we all?) and noticing that at age 40 that she needed a large print Bible.  I remember the exact moment and where I was when I couldn't read the phone book in front of me at Mike's house in Waterloo, Wisconsin.  My first pair of bifocals were added to my collection of glasses.  As she was looking online for a new large print Bible, she read a comment about a used copy that looked like it was rarely used, and she felt sad for that person having never read the Bible.

Two things hit me with that statement. One is that for years *I* didn't read the Bible very much either. Not until that day in June 2002 when I found myself in Jim's office, in tears, ready to make a change in my life, did I really start to focus on God's word more than just listening to it on Sunday mornings.  The other thing is that I never remember anyone reading the Bible at home when Greta and I were growing up.  There was a black Bible on the coffee table, like it was something for people to look at when they came to visit, to give the impression that "oh yes, they are a good Christian family." But I realize now a never-opened Bible on a coffee table doesn't do that.  Only a well-worn Bible by a chair or on a bedside table that is marked up with highlights, stars, and underlines shows that the Bible has been used and is still being used.  Moreso the effects of reading that Bible by the way a person lives his/her life is further proof that the word of God has penetrated the Bible owner's soul.

Why does this make MY heart ache?  Once again, for a couple of reasons.  One is that I missed out on so much as I was growing up by NOT reading the Bible regularly.  The changes in my spiritual life and the effects on my life overall would have been drastic.  I wish I had been developing that closer relationship with Christ and His word so much earlier.  The other is that one thing Greta and I talk about concerning Mom is a matter for prayer for both of us.  Mom never reads the Bible, at least not that we have ever seen.  She is afraid to die.  We are not sure that what her relationship with God even is because she has always refused to discuss it, saying that she believes what she believes, which is different that what other people believe and other churches believe.  She won't talk to a minister.  I have never heard her pray.  I doubt that if we open that black Bible that was on the table that it would show any signs of being read in recent years---or ever. 

While her relationship with God concerns me, I know there is nothing I can do to encourage that, just like there is nothing that I can do to make her take her medicines or stop walking up and down the stairs or eat properly. It took me a while, but I finally have accepted that there is nothing I can do to be loved by my mother.  What I can do is pray for her.  What I can do is continue to study MY Bible and learn more about the word of God and how I can live a life more like Jesus.  I can encourage my husband, my daughters and sons-in-law, and my grandchildren in their relationships with Christ.

As I was thinking about various reasons for selling a Bible that had been rarely used, I realized there could be a variety of reasons why it had not been opened, none of which are really important.  What is important is that it did prompt some thought on Wendy's mind and heart, so much that she wanted to share that with her readers.  And it spurred me to think also, about my own reading of the Bible, my relationship with God, and how I need to focus on my own personal spiritual growth more each day.

Yes....these were "words that made my heart ache."

I am thankful for....

At the end of the sermon a few weeks ago, Jim gave us two homework assignments.  One was to focus on our blessings in our prayers.  The other was to write statements each day beginning with "I am thankful for..." and continue that until Dec. 31.

I thought it would be good for Gary and me to do that....the journal part of it at least.  I found an old notebook and tore out the used pages.  I was excited!  Then he told me that HE did not want to write anything, but he did tell me and I wrote it in the journal.  Actually I lke that method better because I can hear what he says and I can comment if I want to.

Our statements have ranged from being thankful for family to acts of nature or other things that happen to us on a daily basis.  The grandchildren have been a focus several times.  Going to see The Nutcracker was my 'I am thankful for" on Friday and we both mentioned the Purdue Christmas Show for Saturday's entry.

Several pluses from this activity -   One is the focus on being thankful each day.  Often we think the day is a 'horrible, no good, terrible, very bad day' and we don't realize just how wrong that perception is.  Every day we can find something, at least one thing, that we can offer thanks for.  The second is that if we ever look back at the journal, it will spark some memories of times, events, or people long forgotten.  Third, it prompts good discussion between the two of us.  Sometimes Gary is thankful for me, and I am thankful for him (like the day he decorated outside).

Try it!  Even though Thanksgiving is past, that doesn't mean that we stop being thankful for our blessings. Too often we focus on the bad things that happen, or the negative in the day's activities, or problems we have.  We forget just how lucky we are.

He Speaks!

You know, God speaks to us in a variety of ways, and I am firmly convinced that He knows what we need to hear, when we need to hear it, and puts it there for us to hear.  The trick is that we have to listen!

Today was one of those such times.

The past few days (well, really the past few months, years, decades?) have been hard.  A prominent person in my life has been difficult to say the least.  One of  her favorites pastimes is discrediting anyone and everyone that she can.

If we remember something special, then she tells us how someone involved 'really felt' that only she knows about.

If we have a memory, such as spending time with Grandma Greta, then she tells us how Grandma thought we were selfish, difficult, tried her patience or whatever negative thing she can come up with, just to tarnish the good memory.

When Dad was recuperating in Smithville -Western, I took her to The Barn for lunch before we went to visit him.  As we pulled into the parking area, she said "Your dad hated eating here.  He thought it smelled like goose poop and he would never come here even though *I* always wanted to."  My response was "Well, it was his suggestion to eat here when we came back from the drive over to Beloit during Spring Break.  He seemed to enjoy it."  Mom replied, after a stammering pause, "Well, he may have told *YOU* that, but oh my!  What he told me after you left?  He did NOT like The Barn."  So I said, "Then you are saying that he was lying to me?  That even though he picked here to eat, that he really didn't want to, and even though he told me how much he enjoyed it and what a good day he had and how he thanked me for taking him to see the farm and his house on Indiana Avenue and how he loved the cold peaches here---that was all a big lie?"  And she said, "Well, you have NO idea what he tells me when no one else is around.  He didn't like coming here. He never did!"  I let her out at the door, and quite honestly I was ready to just drive away and leave her there.  I didn't, though, and we sat through lunch totally silent.  And yes....she was successful.  I still remember his squeezing my shoulder and telling me what a good day he had and thanking me for that.  I know that it was the last time he was ever there on the tour of Mahoning, Columbiana, and Stark counties.  But in the back of my mind, I also remember what Mom said a couple of months later to tarnish the memory.

She does that all the time.  She just did with the memory of The Nutcracker.  Greta had given them tickets for the ballet one year, then tickets to two other performances in subsequent years.  Greta remembers Dad sharing how much he enjoyed the events.  I remember him telling me all about going to see the ballet.  He loved the music.  Because of him is why *I* enjoy The Nutcracker.  I always tell the story of Dad's love of "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" and "Waltz of the Snowflakes" and the Overture.  On Thanksgiving this year Mom was telling Kent how she 'had to put her foot down' to make him go and how he really hated the gifts and it was a miserable time.  Totally contrary to the way we remember Dad responding to The Nutcracker.

So how does this fit into my topic for this afternoon?  While Greta was texting me (during church no less!) Jim's sermon focused on "A Christmas Divided."  He said that we have choices when it comes to celebrating the holiday, based on our general state of mind and demeanor.  Happy people generally see the holidays as joyful times.  They are full of cheer, joyous yuletide, and mirth.  Grumpy people are usually sad and grumbly about everything - long lines during shopping, not enough time,  dissatisfaction with gifts and so on.  Hateful people want everyone else to feel as miserable as they do, so they make the holidays as unpleasant as they can so no one will enjoy them.

Three things I realized:

One is that this is true of life in general. Not just at Christmas tine does this apply.

Two is I fall into the grumpy category too often and need to change this. I am getting better, though, since the stress of grading and finishing final grades is not a priority.

Three is Mom is hateful.  She tries to make everyone miserable. And it happens All. The.  Time.  And she enjoys it.

I know there are issues.  I know that Greta and I have spent countless hours trying to figure out what we have done wrong----all the time.  But sometimes we need to step back and listen to the Lord's message.  And yes, I know that it was Jim's message and his interpretation, but the examples that he used (Simeon and King Herod) were spot on and meaningful. When I think about some of the happiest people I know, they are the ones who see the bright side of every dilemma, the ones who offer encouraging words, the ones who I run to when I need a smile or a hug of encouragement.  I also know that after communicating with others, I will be in a bad mood, will start to doubt events and people and memories, and will need time to pull myself up to my normal self again because I feel like I have taken a beating.

He does speak!  That is important, but it is equally important that we hear....and listen.

Crossing It off the Bucket List

I have always loved the music of The Nutcracker and have a collection of nutcrackers on the shelf in the fireplace room.  While I am not sure how it happened or when, I associate The Nutcracker with my growing up years in Damascus.  I remember hearing the music when we lived in the little brown house on 62.  I remember the nutcracker that Mom always used for decorations then and in the early years in Mt. Vernon.  I am not sure what happened to that, but because Mom never throws away anything, it is probably stashed somewhere in the house on Barnes Drive.

Dad always liked The Nutcracker too, and I think he was able to attend a few performances, maybe with Greta?  I am not sure when or where, but I do recall his talking about it.

When I retired and Elizabeth took my place, somehow the decision was made to see The Nutcracker together.  Ballet is not something that Gary enjoys, and it would be fun to attend a performance with someone who appreciates the dance and music.  After checking online for performances in the area, we decided to visit Clowes Hall at Butler, Elizabeth's alma mater.

I have never been to the Butler campus before. Clowes Hall was beautifully decorated for the holiday season.  Our seats were in the middle of the auditorium, so we had a fantastic view of the stage.  That atmosphere was electric in anticipation of the ballet. 

When the music began, I was captured.   I am not sure how to describe the sets, the costumes, the ballet, the story, the interpretation....all of it was absolutely wonderful.  And to think that the cast and the members of the orchestra were all Butler students was mind-boggling for me. I was totally enveloped by the story, the music, the dance.

Someday I plan to share this experience with Tessa.  Maybe her mother and her aunt would like to tag along with us as well.  I do know that even though this was my first performance, it shouldn't be my last.  I was totally captivated.  It was a dream come true for me.

 

Sense of Accomplishment

It seems like I am always wanting to take on projects, then they rarely are completed.   I have a stash of yarn for various knitting projects.  I have fabric for various sewing projects.  I know I am not alone in this because many of my knitting/quilting/sewing friends have the same problem.  Stashes of yarn and fabric, projects in the mind, but not enough time to work on them.

I do complete some things, though.  A baby quilt for Cooper (which started out as Nick's and was never finished but the colors were great for Cooper's nursery, so there you go!).  A baby quilt for Brandy.  A baby quilt for Jen and Aaron.  A John Deere quilt for Landon.  Curtains for Megan and Matt's house in many rooms.  A Cubs blanket for Landon to take to kindergarten for nap time.  A scarf for Greta and one for her friend Diane. A scarf for Elizabeth.   Various spa cloths or dish cloths (plus I have a stash of completed ones with no recipients yet).

Now that I typed that out...I guess I have completed more than I realized.  Hmmmm...I kinda surprised myself.

The project tonight was memory pillows made from shirts.  Pinterest is super for instructions and ideas, and I found just what I needed. Today at Walmart I picked up all of the 16 x 16 pillow forms they had in stock.  I already had one from JoAnn's that I bought in April, but I hadn't done anything with it.  Tonight was the night.

Everything was set up in the kitchen/dining room.  Iron and ironing board by the counter.   Long table by the closet door.  Sewing machine on the table.  Wastebasket by the long table.  Gary cut a template for me, 17 x 17, so that I could use it to cut the shirts. Ironing the front and back was a necessity to ensure that the wrinkles were gone and both layers would lie flat.  My quilt mat was just the right size to lay out the shirt, place the template, mark the fabric and cut.  Then the two pieces (front and back) were easy to pin.  Move to the table and sew 5/8" seams all around.  Unbutton the shirt, turn, push out the corners, and insert the pillow.  Re-button and VOILA!

The only thing missing is the small label that my friend Karen in Michigan is embroidering for me.  When those arrive, it will be easy to pop out the pillows and place the labels and sew those on.

My goal?  Nine pillows.   Tonight I have nine shirts made into pillow covers.  Seven of those are actually covering pillows.  Over the weekend I will pick up two more to complete the set.

 

A sense of accomplishment for sure.  Usually I am staying up late, trying to finish up projects, making mistakes, or just giving up.  Not tonight.  And it is only November 30!

I think I am liking this thing called retirement!