So sad

Yesterday I rode in an ambulance for the second time. Lights flashing. Sirens blaring. We made our way from The Farm to White Memorial Hospital.

My dear sweet mother-in-law is slowly dying.

Yesterday she was in pain to the point where we couldn't help her. She was crying.  She was begging for help. We had no choice but to call 911.

She looks so frail in the bed.

Her voice is weak.

She is tired.

This is so sad.  Our hearts are breaking for her.

Moms

Gary's mom was diagnosed with bladder cancer in April.  She chose to monitor the tumors and, as long as he could, the doctor would 'scoop out' as much of the tumor and try to control the effects and the pain as best he could.  She has had a couple of 'scooping' procedures, has been hospitalized for other issues with her kidneys, and is trying to adjust to the decline in her strength.

Today was particularly difficult.  I hadn't seen her since our stop after church on Sunday since I went to Wabash and Logansport on Monday and was with Cooper on Tuesday and Wednesday.  This morning she looked so frail and small in the recliner, and she wasn't responding well to us.   Blaine had been at the house early this morning, and he was concerned about her as well.  She did eat half of a grilled cheese sandwich that Gary fixed for her (crusts cut off so it would be easier to eat) and a dreamsicle. She drank iced water.    But she never moved from her chair, and she was obviously hurting.

As I was driving home, tears came to my eyes because it seems like we are losing her.  She wasn't listening well, she was confused about some things, and she seemed so tired of just....everything.  I was hoping that she would have enough strength for a nice Thanksgiving and be able to see Mike, Angie, and Nick.  I was hoping that we would be able to celebrate Christmas with her.  Now I am not too sure of either of those.

Soon after I arrived home, Greta called.  She was in the Wooster  ER with Mom.  Mom had pressed her Life Alert button because she thought she was having a heart attack.  Long story, because everything with Mom IS a long story, but the bottom line is that the blood enzymes were elevated which indicated that she had had a heart attack.  She was being transferred to Canton Aultman for a heart cath and probably a couple of stents.  Greta said she was 'holding court' in the ER, talking non-stop to anyone who would listen.  She was totally against going to Aultman because the doctors there were not any good (because she had been told last fall by one of them that she couldn't drive any more).  Greta thinks she is afraid that the doctors will say that she shouldn't be living by herself or should move into assisted living...and she will fight that tooth and nail.    Anyway, she hasn't been taking her baby aspirin as she was told to do because she didn't think she needed it.  She didn't use the nitro pills that are by her chair when she was having chest pains because she forgot what they were for.  She didn't tell Greta that she was having chest pains since Monday and she always said "I'm fine!  Everything is a-ok" when she called twice a day to check in on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday.  She was doing her usual thing - pointing at Greta and calling her 'this one' and saying that she yelled at her in the ER and that Kent told her that Greta and I were 'at each other's throats' about the World Series (which is not true on either count - he didn't say that and we aren't ) and calling me 'that one in Indiana' and telling the EMT at the ambulance whose 4th grandchild was just born this morning at Aultman that she had a grandson with red hair just like hers. 

Totally different.  When we left the house today,  even as sick as she is, Agnes is yelling 'I love you guys' over and over.   Mom hasn't talked to us since mid-September and doesn't really care whether she does or not.   Agnes is fighting for her life and tries to do what is needed to  feel better.  Mom doesn't want to follow the doctor's orders because she knows more than they do and they have to be wrong about various aspects of her health care (like taking the baby aspirin).   Agnes knows she is failing.  Mom proclaims that she does everything for herself and is very active, even though she rarely leaves the house and hasn't walked to the back of her yard in years. 

Dilemma today - go to Ohio or stay here.   When I talked to Greta, the decision was easy.  Stay here.  Agnes needs me (and Gary).   Mom doesn't.  Greta will be there.  If something major happens and I really need to be there, she will let me know.  But Agnes needs us right now.   I can't take the chance that something might happen to her and we were sitting in a hospital room, listening to Mom prattle on and on about how stupid the doctors are at Aultman and how she knows more than they do.

Retirement?

On August 19 I retired from Ivy Tech after being full time faculty for 10 years.  I was re-classified twice, once after my first year to Assistant Professor, then three years later to Associate Professor.  After my 9th year I was eligible to apply for full Professor, but since I planned to retire the next year, I chose to spend the time it would take to update my portfolio on being with my grandchildren instead.

Leaving Ivy Tech was difficult in that I love teaching, I enjoyed my classes at the college, and I had opportunities for growth that I would not have had if I had stayed at West Central.  Also I met so many interesting  people, on the faculty and staff as well as students.  Many of the faculty and staff will remain good friends.

One thing has surprised me during the last two months.  I don't miss the day to day teaching, planning, and especially the grading.  There have been no little nagging urges wishing I were back in front of the classroom, explaining how to set up criteria for an evaluation papers - or the 'cardinal sins' of intros and conclusion ("in this paper I am going to tell you about" and "in this paper I told you about").  There have been no desires to check blackboard and messages and emails several times a day to see if any students need help.

Much to my surprise I am really enjoying not spending my Saturday mornings grading online submissions in the American Lit classes and Sunday evenings working my way through the plan for Monday and Tuesday, double checking my bag for Rochester to be sure I have everything ready.  I don't miss those things at all.

Monday I stopped in at the campus to visit.  Leo and I had chatted and he said he really missed talking to me, so I suggested stopping on my return trip from lunch with Karen in Wabash.  As I was talking to Elizabeth (who replaced me) about our plans to attend a performance of the Nutcracker in December at Butler University, she said "Oh yes...the list of spring classes came out and I see you are teaching two!"  Really?  That was a surprise.  She pulled up the list, and sure enough.  My name was next to TWO sections of ENGL 223 online.  Interesting.  I had told Amy in the summer that I wouldn't mind teaching those if needed, but I had not been asked if I were still interested. Plus I felt a thud of dread when I saw my name right there in black on the list.

Then yesterday I received a '*DING* on my phone as I was driving home from Megan's house.  Ah...a message from Amy.  Probably asking me to teach those two classes.  But no.  She asked me to check my email for the note about revisions needed to the ENGL 223 shell and asked if, after I looked at the list, it would be doable by Dec. 15.

Yes, I created that class (which I had been teaching for 7 years in the current format with no problems).  Yes, I understood that the Lafayette IT people didn't like the format and requested changes for ENGL 222 and would probably request the same for ENGL 223.  Yes, I updated the 222 course to their specifications in August while I was under contract.

However...I am NOT under contract now.   There is no guarantee that I would be teaching that class because if it doesn't run, I obviously wouldn't be teaching it plus since I am no longer full time faculty, someone who is could 'bump' me out of it.  Also I haven't been asked to teach the class (just my name appeared on it) and I haven't agreed to teach the class and I am not sure I really want to do it (see the first few paragraphs of this blog entry).  Finally, go back to the first line of this paragraph. I AM NOT UNDER CONTRACT NOW.  I do not work for Ivy Tech right now.   The only pay I am getting is from my retirement funds and social security.  There is no Ivy Tech paycheck being deposited into my checking account and there hasn't been since Sept. 1.  I am not updating a course for Ivy Tech when I am not employed by Ivy Tech to do so.

Things to consider:  Do I want to teach the class?  Right now?  No.  I like doing what I am doing which is everything other than teaching and grading.

Would I want to update the course according to the format Lafayette prefers? I could. but it would take me two days to do it (based on the time it took for the update to 222) and I would not do it for free.  I would need compensation.

Finally, one of the DWLZ ladies mentioned this in a comment about the subject.  Do I want to burn the bridges and tell Amy I am just not interested anymore in teaching anything?  That might eliminate any possibilities of teaching in the future in the off chance I would want to down the road.

I have decided...one day at a time.  Step by step.  Right now my email account was deleted and if I don't change my password, I may have no access to Blackboard or Campus Connect to do anythng anyway.  If there is no compensation for updating, then I am out.  Lots of 'ifs' to consider.

Right now, as of tonight, I am retired.  I am not teaching.  I am not grading.  I am a Farmer's Wife.  I am a grandmother.  I am a quilter.  I am reading books I don't have to teach.  Life is good.   I want to keep it that way.

Coming Up Empty....

Yesterday was SUCH a good day.  Starting with the lunch in Wabash with Karen through the stop at Ivy Tech in Logansport and visiting with Leo, Elizabeth, Karen, and Anthony along with various former students, then a quick pick up of four items at Walmart with another chat with another former student.  A good dinner in the crock pot and life was good.

Then today was just blah.  I was up early and drove to Frankfort to stay with Cooper today since he was still running a fever and Megan and Matt could go to school.  He is such a sweetie, and he didn't seem to feel sick, just a little warm.  His fever did spike up a bit after his nap, but the Tylenol helped. Lunch was good - mac and cheese and a pouch and a drink for him, mac and cheese and a lunchable and some apple crisp for me.  We had fun playing basketball downstairs, hiding from Mommy and Daddy when they came home from school, and trying to get the slinky to do its thing on the stairs.

But I feel so blah today.  Nothing special to write about. 

Now I am sitting in the recliner, waiting for the Cubs game to start, and not really intereseted in watching it.  What????? It's the World Series between my dad's favorite team and the Siemens family favorite.  How many times could this happen?  I should be SO excited and waiting on the edge of my recliner.  

But I'm not.

Maybe I should just go to bed.  Maybe I should just read for a while.  Since I am not sure about tomorrow's plans (may be going to Frankfort again), I don't want to drag out the sewing machine and set it up only to put it all away an hour or so from now. 

To bed.  To read.  Sounds like a good idea.  Maybe I will feel more like I did on Monday, tomorrow.

Good Friends

What a fun day!

It started with a nice drive to Wabash to meet my friend Karen Swygart from Decatur for lunch.  It is an hour's drive for each of us.  Our first meeting a couple of years ago was at Culvers, then we met at Harvey Hinklemeyer's, then today at Mi Pueblo.  We had a nice booth in the back/side room, and the servers were gracious enough to just let us talk after we finished our lunch specials of Arroz con Pollo.



Karen and I are 'internet friends.'  Kathy had encouraged me to post in the forums in Dotti's Weight Loss Zone online as she and I were traveling through the Weight Watchers journey.  Because I was nervous at the time about sharing too much personal information, I used Gretchen Malene as my name (my childhood imaginary friend), but everything else was accurate.   I rarely used the names of family members, calling them the usual for the forum, DH for Gary, DD#1 for Megan, and DD#2 for Hilary. DSIL, DSisIL, DBroIL, DMIL, DFIL, and others are used frequently.  When Karen suggested meeting in person, I had to share my real name and the reason I had not been using it.  As time went on a few others have been told of my deception, and no one has declined my friendship thus far. Whew!

Anyway, today we had lunch from 11:30 until 3:00.  I had to leave so that I could go to the Logansport campus and meet with Leo; Karen needed to help her mother-in-law replace the glass plates and other figurines on the shelves in the living room after the new windows had been installed, so she needed to return home as well.  Otherwise, who knows how long we would have stayed there, just talking.

Our next meeting will be something in December.  She had suggested that we meet at the Ft. Wayne mall sometime, and I thought lunch at Cheddars, then going to the mall to talk and enjoy the ambiance of the holiday decorations would be a good idea.  So we are checking our calendars and trying to find a date for that.

It was a good lunch.  She is a good friend.  Thank goodness for retirement and the time to meet friends for lunch dates.

Lotsa Sewing Going on .....

Continuing on with the sewing and quilts topic:

I have been working on a quilt for Owen's bed.  Of course he is only 13 months old.  He is not ready for a bed yet.  But he will have a quilt! 

Story behind this:  Hilary and I picked up Landon from school one afternoon and stopped at Rossville Quilts for fabric to recover the window seat cushion/pad.  The old one that I had made several years ago just before Thanksgiving was faded.  It needed some sprucing up.

We pulled into the parking area.

Landon:  What is this?

Me:  Rossville Quilts

Landon:  What do they have in there?

Me:  Fabric for quilts

Landon: (grumble, grumble) why do we have to stop here.  I don't like fabric.

{Open door and go into store}

Landon: WOW!  LOOK AT ALL OF THIS COOL STUFF!  (and off he goes)

So as Hilary and I are looking for some type of color to match the living room, Landon is checking out everything else. 

He looked at the bolts of fabric.

He picked up layer cakes and jelly rolls.

He looked at charm packs.

He picked up fat quarters.

After Hilary and I agreed on a fabric for the seat cushion cover and I had gone to the cutting table, she looked for Landon.  Soon he was at my side.

Landon: Look what I found! (and he held up a charm pack of dinosaur prints)  This would be great for Owen's room.  Can you make a quilt for him?

Me:  Sure I could.  (now how can I say no to a grandson who is asking me to make a quilt for his little brother who is still in foster care but hopefully will be adopted in the next year).

After checking with the sales clerk about fabric needed, I walked out with a layer cake of the dinosaur fabric.  (the charm pack or even two would not have been enough, but I returned the next week and picked up another charm pack to add to the layer cake - confused?   That's ok.  I would be too)

The goal?  A quilt for Owen in the dinosaur print that will be perfect for a twin bed but which can be used for a double bed as well with a dust ruffle.





Step 1:  Cut squares into triangles and sew together a light and a dark fabric.

I am still a rookie with this, and this is the first quilt I have made that is not just basic squares sewn together with a border.  I went to JoAnns and picked up fat quarters in the solid colors to match the colors in the prints.  I am hoping to add strips of solid color between the reconstructed squares of four prints in triangles joined together.  I am hoping that when I lay out the squares, I can add strips between the squares.  Next I can sew together some of the squares from the charm pack and add another  row at the top and bottom and on each side.  Then we shall see what we have for width and length.  I will still need backing fabric and binding fabric and batting.  That is when I visit Betty for help.  I hope I can do everything up to that point without needing her help.




Step 2: cut two sets of new squares in half and sew together so that there are two lights and two darks (this was hard to do since there were some distinctly 'dark' fabrics and some distinctly 'light' fabrics and many many in-between)

As I finished the last reconstructed square tonight and put things away, I gave thanks for not teaching anymore.  I have plans for tomorrow to meet Karen Swygart in Wabash for lunch, then stop at the Logansport campus to visit with Leo for a while.  But I don't have papers to grade or think about what I am teaching tomorrow or sigh because I won't be able to return to the quilt for a week or so.

Sew on!  I love it!

Thank you via Facebook

Copy of a FB post from yesterday, October 21.  I had received so many nice cards, notes, and gifts for my retirement and couldn't really send a note to everyone individually, so I opted to do this instead.

August was a memorable month for Gary and me. First we celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary on August 7. Then on August 19 I put away the red pen permanently and retired for the second time, this time as an Associate Professor of English at Ivy Tech. During August, September, and October, we received many anniversary cards and gifts to commemorate this milestone in our lives. Plus our daughters organized a card shower to recognize my retirement. Receiving cards, letters, notes, and FB messages was so heart warming. Thank you to former students from West Central who reminded me of funny occurrences in the classroom, Student Council activities, and little tidbits of information they picked up and remembered from our many discussions. Thank you to former Ivy Tech students who reminded me why I made the move from high school to the college classroom. Thank you to classmates from Mt. Vernon High School and their notes of encouragement since they are in the same transition phase. Thank you to family near and far who reminded me how blessed I am to have all of you as siblings (and that includes the in-laws) and cousins. Thank you to former colleagues from West Central for the cards and the fantastic people I worked with at Ivy Tech for the many cards and gifts and a 'just right' retirement party. Thank you to our friends, neighbors, extended family, and church family for all of the notes of congratulations and encouragement as we begin this new phase of life. A special thank you to Tom Ghering for letting me cry the night of the last event I chaired on August 18 and for talking with me for a hour or so after (and Kim too but she isn't a FB person) and to Kevin Bostic for making my exit interview smooth and seamless and for letting me sneak out of the building so I wouldn't have to see anyone else. Finally without my husband Gary, daughters Megan and Hilary and sons-in-law Matthew and Blaine, I wouldn't have been able to make the transition so easily. You five plus the four grandchildren have made my days so busy since August 19 that I now don't know when I would have had time to teach classes and grade papers. Plus how would I have moved out of my office without your help? :) Thank you all! You have a special place in my heart. Life is good.

Service with a Smile

Today was a day for Beth in Lafayette!

First stop - Arnett on Greenbush. 


 Reaching the clinic was an adventure in itself.  Smooth sailing until I turned from Sagamore onto Greenbush and saw that the intersection just before the first entrance to the clinic was closed.  The detour through the residential neighborhood showed that the streets leading to the back parking lots were closed.  Lots of meandering, but I finally walked into the lab.  First stop:  registration desk.  All ok until the needed insurance change.  Smooth as silk!  Then the blood draw.  No pain, vials filled, tech talked all the time about wanting to become a nurse and how she had applied to various nursing schools and we chatted about Ivy Tech.  In and out!



Second stop - VS Nails for a mani/pedi   The place was packed!  Only one chair was available for the pedicure and all the techs were busy, so my feet were soaking in a gently rolling foot bath. The hostess checked often for correct water temperature, re-setting the back massage timers, and preparing the work area for the tech.  The tech herself was so nice and worked quickly and efficiently.  During a conversation between the customer next to me during the manicure portion (she was a teacher at Tri-County and she had asked me where I lived), the tech said "Francesville????  You know Ruth?  Ruth Overmyer?"  Ruth regularly visits the same tech (when she is home) and the tech loves her!  She gave me her card and asked me to contact her for my next appointment.
  
Third stop - Burger King!

 

The best greeting of the day was when Cooper spotted me.  He was sitting in the booth, watching Mommy waiting for the food and Daddy filling the drink cups.  Suddenly his face lit up and he yelled, "MAMAW!  MAMAW'S HERE!"  Made my day!  

 
Cooper voted too! (either for Mickey Mouse or Paw Patrol!)

Oh yeah....the chicken sandwich was ok.  Hold the mayo, add mustard.

Stop 4 - Target



Mmmm...grapes are on sale for $1.49 a pound.  Not too bad.  So I picked up a bag and continued shopping.  At the checkout, the guy weighed the grapes, then made a little Hrumph sound and I looked at the down-turned grimace on his face.  I looked at the register and it read $11.63.  I thought that must be the total thus far, and I chose NOT to discuss it at the time since there were customers lined up behind me.  When I checked the sales slip, the price for the grapes was $4.99.  And that was PER pound.  WHAT????  So I marched with my cart to the produce area as Cassie was pushing a few empty carts to the empty cart area.  I explained the situation and asked if she would check the price at the grapes.  She did.  $1.49.  She directed me to customer service.  After trying several things to charge the correct price for the grapes without a scale to weigh them, the service desk lady clicked a few buttons, stapled the refund slip to the original sales slip, and said "Take them.  They are yours.  I put the refund back on your card and you can have the grapes. Sorry about that!"  On my way out I saw Cassie working at the self-checkout area and motioned her over so I could thank her again for her help.  I don't care about their bathroom policy - Target gave me free grapes because they made a mistake.  Target will remain one of my favorite stores!

Stop 5 - Meijer
  
Fruit! Fruit!  Fruit!  And the first thing I notice after I pick up a cart is that there are NO strawberries!  WHAT?????  What shall I do for breakfast?  I eat a fruit bowl of strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries with granola and Light & Fit vanilla yogurt EVERY morning for breakfast until smoothie season begins and the frozen stuff comes out.

While I was stunned at the empty strawberry shelves, I picked up two containers of red raspberries and two of blackberries.  I rounded the corner and saw a produce assistant re-stocking the red grapes for 79 cents a pound.  Remember the price I thought was great at Target (before they became free)?  This was SO much better.  As I reached for the first bag, Tiffany (the friendly stocker) mentioned that she had just brought the bags on the cart from the cooler and they were the fresh stock so might be better than those that had been on the shelves.  After I selected two bags of red grapes, for 79 cents a pound, I asked if she would be re-stocking the strawberries soon.  Her response was that she could go to the cooler and pull out some for me if I would like.  Well, of course!  After about a 10 minutes wait, here comes Tiffany pulling a large pallet full of boxes of strawberries.  Price?  5 boxes for $5.00.  Did I happen to mention that the grapes were on sale for 79 cents a pound?  I was hitting pay dirt with the fruit today!  I thanked her profusely, checked her nametag again, and moved to the deli. When I checked out (and I double checked to be sure Miss Perky Chatty was not working the line I selected), the checker asked if I found everything I needed.  I told her the story of Tiffany.  Before I left with my bags of groceries, Miss Checker had called the manager and told him the story of Tiffany too.  Just from hearing one side of the conversation, I could tell that this was not the first positive review Tiffany had received.   

The only other stop was at JoAnn Fabrics.  No real complaints and I did find what I wanted.  The store was crowded, and the staff seemed to be helpful to those in need.  When I checked out with my solid colored fat quarters, which were on sale,  the cashier asked if I received emails and I said yes. What she neglected to ask was if I wished to use my 'additional 20% off total purchase" coupon which had come into my message box while I was shopping but I hadn't seen.  Usually the workers know about the coupons and they are so plentiful that she should have asked if I had one to use.  Not a big deal, really, since I spent under $20 on the fat quarters I plan to use with Owen's quilt.

Service with a smile.  That is what I encountered today.  Maybe I was more relaxed.  Maybe it was because I didn't have a time schedule to follow and anyone to meet or a time I needed to be home.  Maybe it was because I FINALLY found the time for the mani/pedi that I really needed.  Whatever---the day was good.  The service was great. 

And I would be tickled pink if we saw Tiffany named as "Employee of the Month" sometime soon!






 




  

Rainy Days and Thursdays

It was a rainy day Thursday.  

The combine needed repairs so since the rain would have kept us out of the field anyway, Gary could put on the new part and have everything ready for the next dry day.

But rain, a steady rain, and colder temps, made for a blue day.  Kinda melancholy.
  
*Watching Gary working on the combine and hearing him say that he just wants the corn head to work for another day and a half - the last harvest

*Standing in the machine shed and seeing the sign for Gerald Weltzin and thinking about 40 years ago when I first came into the family and Uncle Bud and Auntie Ann did all of the farming together.  She always worked right along side of him, and she is probably smiling down on us as we are there together, with me holding the light for Gary and handing him the wrenches he needs.

*Listening to Agnes around noon with the grandkids.  Landon, Tessa, and Owen are running around, making noise, she is trying to interact, and it is so hard for her.

*Alex stopped to visit.  When he went into the living room to say hello, she said 'Love you guys' because she thought it was Blaine and they were leaving.  When she realized it was Alex, we could hear her tone change and she was excited that he had stopped to see her.  When she said, "If I am still here, I won't be able to go to your wedding, but I will be thinking about you that day."  So sad, mainly because she probably won't be here.  His wedding is in September.

*When I came back to the machine shed with a late lunch from The Patio, Gary had pulled the pick up into the shed and set up a makeshift picnic table on the tailgate.  We sat there and ate our sandwiches, a cheeseburger for me and a tenderloin for him, and he talked a little about missing his dad...and my dad. Raindrops were pinging on the metal roof, there was a chill in the air, and cold tears were streaming down my face.  Dad would have loved everything about being there on the farm.  He really enjoyed visiting with Ann and Bud there. And of course Leo has always been there with Gary through every planting and every harvest---except this one.

*When I left to go home, I stopped at the cemetery.  Soon Gary pulled up behind me.  As I looked at the gravestone glistening with rainwater, I could hear Leo talking about how many days it would take to finish the corn, compare the fields we had left to what the neighbors had, re-figure the bushels per acre a few times, just to be sure....and the tears streamed again.

 

My dad - gone for nearly 7 year.  I know he is proud of me, proud of Gary, and happy with the life I chose.  He loved the farm as much as we do.

 

Leo - gone for 6 months.  His presence is felt every day, especially during the harvest season.  He is missed by all of us.

 


Agnes - so sad to watch her decline.  The girls have been to visit several times in the last couple of weeks with the kids, and I hope they realize how limited her time with us is.  She loves the visits with everyone; she is lonely and has only the television for company (if she doesn't push the wrong buttons and shut it off until someone can fix it for her again). 

 

Since it is 12:05 a.m. it is now Friday!  And the sun will come out!  Yes, it will.

Grandchildren at the Siemens Farm

Since I don't want to listen to the presidential debate, the Cubs game makes me a little nervous, and I have sewn all I am going to sew on Owen's quilt tonight, I have just been thinking....about my favorite little people.

For the past seven days we have had time to spend individually, in small groups, and in large groups with the kids.

Thursday - October 13  Since Megan and Matt had Parent-Teacher Conferences, I picked up Cooper at Auntie's house to take him home.  Well, I varied that a little bit.  I met Hilary, Blaine, and Cooper, Tessa, and Owen for lunch at Chick-Fil-A.  Little did I know how popular that place is for young mothers and their children for lunch during the week.  Oh my!  I did have a great time with my two lunch companions, however.  We all completely finished our meals before we re-joined Auntie and Owen (who were sitting at the table behind us with Uncle Blane) to go to Hobby Lobby.

Later after Landon came home from school and Cooper and I had no dinner plans, all four kids plus Hilary and I went to McAlisters for dinner.  Good times!  Cooper and I were home probably 20 minutes when his folks came home from school.

Friday, October 14

It was Landon's last fall baseball game.  Gary and I went to watch him play, and Aunt Megan and Cooper were there also.  Once again - all four kids in one spot at one time.
Landon had three at bats, struck out the first time, had a nice hit but only made it to first before another runner struck out, then had a nice hit to left field and made it to second and stayed until the third out.  He didn't score, but he did have two hits!  Cooper was standing at the fence, watching his cousin play ball.  He yelled, just like he yells at the players for his daddy's team at Clinton Prairie.




Landon is getting ready to bat while Cooper watches.

After the game we had a late supper at Arni's in Rossville, then the kids learned that they were coming home with us for Friday night, which extended into Saturday night, then into Sunday when the camper pulled in and was set up in the back yard.

Saturday, Sunday, Monday October 15, 16, 17 - Farming with Papaw.  Visiting Grammy.  Landon and Papaw sleeping on the pull out in the fireplace room.  Tessa sleeping in the big bed with Mamaw.  Owen in the pack-n-play in Aunt Megan's old room.  Lots of fun.  Many memories.

 
Landon with his walking stick Papaw made for him.


Tessa ready for a wedding reception - what a beautiful Princess!

Monday, October 17 - Hilary, Owen, and I went to Bridgton to the Covered Bridge Festival. The weather was perfect.  The crowds were large, but manageable.  However, a bug had attacked me during the night and I felt lousy. Aches.  Sore throat. Ear pain.  Just horrible. 



On the way home we picked up Cooper and brought him back with us.  Now all four of the kids were at Mamaw and Papaw's house.  The big kids moved out to the camper.  Cooper slept on the pullout with Papaw. Poor Owen was still in the pack-n-play in Aunt Megan's room.

Tuesday, October 17 - All four kids went with Hilary and Blaine to Grandma Jan's while I visited Lindsey for a haircut.  One thing that I appreciate about our families is that the strict family lines are blurred in some areas.  I remember meeting Aunt Catherine, Uncle Jim, Aunt Madeline, Auntie Ann, Uncle Bud, Uncle George and knowing that they were all Gary's uncles and aunts but because I met them at the same time at an event for one side of the family or the other, I wasn't really sure who were the siblings and who were the in-laws.  It took me a while to figure it all out, especially when there were cousins involved also.  Cooper calls Jan 'Grandma Jan' just like Landon and Tessa do.  He thanked her when I picked him up and gave her a hug when we left.  He has called Blaine's brother Uncle Alex because that is what the Landon and Tessa call him, and Alex thinks that is great!  I am glad that our families can blend in that respect.  Our grandchildren cannot have too much love, can they? 

Tuesday evening all four kids were playing in the backyard, running around the campfire.  Playing hide-and-seek.  Playing with flashlights.  Chasing cats. Good fun. Great memories.

Wednesday, October 18 - Hilary and Blaine packed up and went home.  Cooper was still here.  Some one-on-one time with our favorite 3 year old redhead.  When his folks picked him up at Grammy's house this afternoon, he really didn't want to go home.  He wanted to stay with us. I know that he missed his mommy and daddy, but it made me feel good that he wasn't super excited to leave us.



Our grandchildren.  We can't get enough of them.  Really.  We are so fortunate that they live close enough to visit us often.  We are blessed that we have the time to drive to their houses and help out when needed.  We are also very blessed that our daughters and their husbands realize just how important family is to us and to our daughters. 

Nothing would I change about the six days of grandchildren at the Siemens farm. Well, maybe one thing.  It would have been more fun if I hadn't been sick for part of it!

Papaw's Helpers

It has been no secret that Landon is a little farmer.  He LOVES the farm and everything about it...the cows, the pig, planting, harvesting, equipment, boots, belts, hats, bib overalls.  Of course part of this could be because his bedroom has always been John Deere green and yellow.  He has a John Deere quilt on his bed, and his collection of John Deere tractors, combines, and other equipment is massive.

Over this fall break Hilary and Blaine planned to camp at the Tippecanoe River State Park , then asked if they could just set up the camper in our back yard so Blaine could hunt, we could visit more around the campfire, and Owen could sleep inside the house.  This gave Landon more opportunities to 'farm' with Papaw as well,.

His first time in the field this fall  was on Saturday.  Hilary had a photo shoot in Indianapolis and Blaine went along as her assistant - plus it was a 'date day'!  Tessa also had the chance to ride along that afternoon.



*Landon kicking stalks while Tessa is taking a ride with Papaw.


Landon waiting for Papaw to return with Tessa.


Look at those bibs!


Tessa in the combine.


And posing after her ride.

Then Cooper had his chance on Tuesday (today).  All he talked about was wanting to ride in the combine with Papaw.


Cooper in the combine.  Gary said the biggest difference in the three was that Cooper yelled at the stalks, much like he yells at the baseball players during the game.  That's our Cooper!  Tying sports into picking corn!

Spanning the generations.  The family farm.   Three generations of the family farmers working on repairs on the combine. 



 

Many memories made this week, memories to cherish.

Beware of falling shower curtains!

Wednesday evening I noticed that the left side of shower curtain was dragging a little bit low on the floor.  Reason?  The left side of the rod had slipped about 2" lower than usual. Odd.  Strange.  How did that happen?  Not sure, but I pushed it up to its rightful place and went on.  Fixed.

Yesterday as I was turning on the faucets in prep of a morning shower, I heard, then felt, the crash of the shower curtain.  The entire curtain, liner, and rod fell, landing on the back of my head. Ouch!  That hurt!  Bad!  Not seeing stars, but close!

Gary came home (mainly because he had just left and I called him because I thought I was dying), and we returned the shower rod/curtain to its proper place.  The reason it fell?  He said the stuff on the rod was too heavy.  Really?  After 8 years of being in place it just decided to fall because it was now too heavy?  Then he reminded me that I had looped the three bathroom rugs on the shower rod on Tuesday evening.  They were fresh from the washer and dryer and Sarah/Amy would mop the bathroom floor when they cleaned on Wednesday so I left them on the rod to be sure they were nice and dry before they were replaced.  Maybe he was right?

Later just before I left the house for my day's adventures, I heard a crash.  You guessed it.  The shower curtain had fallen again.





No injuries this time.  However, on the shopping list for Meijer was a new shower rod!  To be installed over the weekend.  (I'm sure Landon will want to help!)

No Place I Would Rather Be....

It's harvest time.  Usually I miss out on everything to do with harvest, especially during the last 10 years while I was teaching at Ivy Tech.  I could never work my schedule to have any day time free enough to ride in the combine and what free time I did have was focused on grading.  This is midterm week, if I am counting the weeks correctly, and I would have had at least two sets of major papers to grade before those could be posted.

But not now!  This week I have been wearing the 'Farmer's Wife' hat.  Since Gary's dad died on March 31, he has lost his helper, not that Leo has done too much in the way of helping for a few years, but he could drive the truck and pick up Gary at the machine shed and transport him back to the field for another piece of machinery or another truck to move.

Also the last couple of seasons, Gary's folks have sat in the grain truck, waited for Gary to fill it, then they drove it to Medaryville to the elevator.  They would make a couple of trips before they needed a coffee break, then a nap to rest up, then sometimes they would decide just to wait until the next day to continue their offer of help.

 

Now I don't (and won't) drive a grain truck. For one thing, I don't know how.  For another thing, grain trucks scare me.  Karen had a great idea a few days ago - call Butch Brick!  He used to work for Leo years ago (and I found out this week that he quit when he got married in 1963), and he is retired, so he is free to help out.  Yes!

The thing I CAN do (besides drive Gary back and forth between the field and the machine shed) is ride along in the combine.  When we were young and newly engaged and during our first years of marriage, I would drive out to The Farm after school, change my clothes, and hop in the combine to ride with him until sunset.  Agnes would always have dinner ready for us, then we would go home.  Notice - eating dinner, farm meals, nearly every evening = weight gain for Beth.  Not a good thing.

Several things have changed from 30+ years ago.  One is that it is harder for me to climb up into the combine with bad knees.  Another is the seat is bigger so there is room for me on the edge and I don't have to sit on a bucket like I used to do.   There is much more room in the cab, it is cleaner, and there is AC.

 

I like sitting there, watching the corn rows go by.  It is quiet (as quiet as a combine can be), and it is peaceful (as peaceful as a noisy combine can be).  While I am in the cab, there are no expectations.  I don't have to 'do' anything except watch the hopper so it doesn't overflow and raise the lever (and lower it) to start the grain running through the auger into the truck.   That's all.  I have been told I cannot read my book in the combine.  I do have my phone but only to take pictures, to check the weather forecast and radar (we made it back to the machine shed before the big rain started), and just in case I need to make a call or receive a call from Agnes if she needs something.















 

 But most of all, I like two things the best. One is being with Gary.  He loves farming, always has, always will.  This will probably be his last season, though. He is tired of fighting Mother Nature, of worrying about whether we will have enough money from the crop to keep us afloat for another year, and he wants more time to spend with the kids and doing things with me now that I have more freedom.  The other is just being out in the field.  What can be better than the fresh air, the perfect rows of corn, ears on each stalk, sunshine, clouds in the blue sky, and knowing that the crop is one that we planted and are harvesting and that it will help feed some people in this world of ours.

What can be better than that?  There is no place I would rather be, than right here on the farm.

Uninvited - Final Week ( or a look at Week 5)

These six weeks have flown by!  I feel good, though, because this is the second consecutive Online Bible Study that I have completed!  Yea for me!

Looking back at last week's chapters for a minute - Chapter 14: "Moving through the Desperate In-Between." 

One of my stumbling blocks is prayer.  I can pray alone and to myself, even though I struggle with that sometimes, but I definitely hesitate, stumble, stutter, and become tongue-tied when asked to pray aloud.

I remember praying with Megan and Matt just before she went to the operating room to have the c-section with Cooper.  I stumbled around with my words, even though I knew what to say, and I remember saying Landon's name instead of Cooper's which was just a slip, and I corrected it, but still I felt so bad.  Since then I have clammed up when asked to pray aloud.

Lysa doesn't really discuss prayer too much through the book, but she does focus on a good starting spot if one struggles with prayer in any shape or form. 

Psalm 91

Not only does the Psalm appear in the chapter, but she breaks it down into sections and applies it to aspects of life.  Now that I can do.

She also suggests a prayer journal, which I can do also.  I have plenty of notebooks around here plus pads of paper stacked up in the secretary. 

This study has covered many issues which are close to me.  But prayer covers so much that everything else will fall into place.

Thanks, Lysa!

Corn Rows and Laundry on the Line

i spent the day riding in the combine with Gary.  Conversation is kept to a minimum because he has his mind on watching the rows as he is picking corn, it is noisy in the cab, and there aren't a lot of topics to discuss since we are together so often now.

Old saying cane up recently.

Years ago when we were first married, Gary's dad told me that Gary planted the straightest rows in the county.  I have no idea if that were true or not, but I believed him.

 Was there a contest?

 Did someone go around and check out random corn rows and declare the champion?

Were people saying, "Oh, that Beth Henderson....she is so lucky.  Her fiancé plants the straightest rows of corn in any field in Pulaski County!"

I do know that as I was driving round I did check out the rows of various cornfields, trying to determine the straightness.

Over the years I realized that it was just a dad, full of pride for his son.  Today when I told Gary, he said he had never heard that before, but he added that his dad often remarked that "Crooked rows yield more corn" but they didn't try to test that one!

I remember Grandma always telling me that it was important to organize the clothes that were hanging on the clothesline to dry. All of the towels should be together, then the hand towels,  then the washcloths.  Next all of the similar underwear...the men's then the boys', then the women's, and the girls'. Socks should be matched and each of the pair next to each other.  Shirts are hung by the hems, pants by the waistbands. There was a process, an organizational plan, to hanging the family laundry on the line.  After all, "A woman is judged by the laundry she puts on the clothesline."  Cleanliness. (Whites should be crisply white and colors vibrant). No holes or tears or rips or worn spots (except for work clothes). All items should be neatly organized.  Laundry day was one day a week, or maybe two if one day was the "sheets day."

I remember driving to town for groceries or to the Post Office and Grandma commenting on the clothes on various clothes lines we passed. When we were first married and up until the time I stopped hanging laundry outside to dry, I still thought about Grandma's instructions and her views on judging women by their laundry.

Fortunately my clotheslines were in the back yard.  I am even more thankful that those clothes lines have disappeared and my dryer works well!

Quilts

I love to sew.  I enjoy making quilts.  I am not a math person, so it takes me longer to figure out what to do with however much fabric I have to work with than it does to actually put the quilt together.  Sometimes I feel like I get stuck with a patchwork style, but it is easier for me to do at this point and I like the look.  Then I read someone's blog or a Pinterest post that said she really like the sharp corners of the squares and how the colors blend together and that is why she always used a patchwork style.  Well, that sounds like me!

The most recent quilt I made was for Aaron and Jennifer's baby girl Carson.  I cut the squares and laid them out in a pattern on the floor one evening when Landon was staying overnight.  The next evening I sewed all of them together and it was ready to take to Betty to quilt.

 
Jennifer picked out the fabrics. At the time I wasn't sure how they would work together, but the end result was really nice. It is one of my favorite quilts.

I really like the colors and how they blend with each other.  I added the polka dotted border print and think it sets it off.



Jennifer is using the quilt for the monthly pictures of Carson. That makes me feel so honored that she is using the quilt I made for pictures which they will treasure forever.










 

Missed the 3rd month birthday for some reason!



Month 4 is one of my favorites.  How cute is Carson!
 

Change of seasons - what to wear?

I readily admit that I am not a big fan of fall.

Yes, colors of leaves are really pretty and show "God's paintbrush" at work.

Yes, there is something about hearing the sounds of cleats across the parking lot (one of my favorite things about Friday night high school football) and the crunch of bodies when shoulder pads hit on the footbal field.

Yes, the crispness in the air and the smell of burning leaves or the smoke from a fire in the firepit while roasting marshmallows to make S'Mores just can't be beat.

But the big question is ---- What should I wear?

Shorts on a warm day?  What is the temps drop drastically when the sun goes down?

Long sleeved shirts for early morning low temps which by afternoon have to be pushed up because it is just too hot for the cuffs to be around the wrists.

Then footwear.  Sandals?  Flip flops?  Closed toed shoes?

A jacket or not?

Plus fabrics and colors.  Something just looks wrong to wear pastel colors in October.  Nice pink shirt?  Not now.  How about lime green?  No.  Don't think so.  Just doesn't look quite right.

Today at church I played it safe and wore black.  Black pants,.  Red, white, and black top covered with a long sleeved black sweater.  But then I didn't want to wear my black flats yet so I wore black sandals.  And my feet felt strange.

Some people at church were wearing boots with skinny pants.  Dawn who sat in front of me was wearing a lovely lavender sweater.  Darlene Mellon walked in wearing a big plaid print caftan over her outfit.

Then there is the issue of if one dresses for the temps and the weather, then it just seems like the clothing should really reflect the fact that it is October.  Like wearing boots.  And long pants.  And jackets.  And sweaters. And not sandals.

Plus at this time of year I am just tired of wearing the same things - capris and summery tops.  More capris and more summery tops.  My red/white/blue tops looked good for June and July but miss the mark for October.  Time to put them away until next year.

Unfortunately this is a problem not just for the transition through fall to winter clothes.  It happens once again in the spring when trying to transition from the boots/sweaters/coats and gloves to short sleeves, sandals, and shorts.  Easter?  Oh my.  Hard to know what to wear depending on the weather.  Those very cute pastel colored dresses, little sweaters, and white sandals just don't cut it when the temps don't rise about 50* at the end of March.

Gary doesn't understand this dilemma.  Just put on a pair of pants and a shirt and be done with it, he says.  Why do guys have it so easy?

All the Stars in the Heavens

I happened upon this novel at Target and thought it would be a good one to pick up and read quickly.  I have read several novels by Trigiani before and enjoyed them. I like historical fiction, and this is what the book was supposed to be.  I enjoy watching the old movies, especially those with Spencer Tracy and Clark Gable.  This would be a lighter read after finishing The Boys in the Boat, so I postponed The Girl on the Train for a while.

Observations:

While this is a book based on the life of Loretta Young and her relationships with Spencer Tracy and Clark Gable, I had trouble with the disclaimer at the beginning of the book.  The author stated the usual 'any semblance to persons living or dead was purely coincidental and did not depict actual events' or something to that effect.  Then I am reading about the movie The Call of the Wild and I know that existed and I know that Loretta won an Oscar for The Farmer's Daughter and I am wondering just how Trigiani can use all of this factual information in a book and declare that using it in reference to real people is coincidence or not meant to be true.

Following that vein of thought, I googled the both Loretta and Clark and found much of the same biographical information that was in the novel, which further puzzles me.

Second, I became bogged down with the long explanations of the filming in Washington state, of the love affair between Young and Gable, and the back and forth between the two of them with whether they loved each other or not or whether he would divorce his wife, then whether their daughter would be told of her true parentage.  I actually felt like I was re-reading passages over and over and often double checked to be sure I had remembered to turn the pages.  The story-telling seemed tedious.

Finally, I had to skim through the last 75-100 pages of the book.  I wanted it to be over.  I am not one to just quit reading anything, so I knew I had to finish it, by oh my.  It was hard to do.  I kept putting down the book and checking my phone for messages and for FB posts, and I wouldn't have done that if I had been truly interested in where the next page was taking me on this journey through Loretta's life.  Even her marriage was dull and boring.  Suddenly Judy had two brothers and I am not sure when they came into the family.  They were just there.

When I checked online reviews after I finished, this evening, I found that many shared my opinion.   

All in all, I am glad I read it, I guess, but I won't be recommending it to any of my friends as a good book to read, like I did with The Boys in the Boat.

Next up - The Girl on the Train.

Torches and Tears

Last December Megan and Hilary nominated their grandfather to be a torchbearer for Pulaski County.  Gary told him they had nominated him, but he didn't know that he had been selected before he died on March 31.  Because we were told that only one person could walk in his place, Megan walked alone to honor her grandfather.  The day was warm, full of sunshine, a blue sky spotted with white clouds. 

I am not sure if anyone were not crying as Megan approached our group, went to Grammy, and kissed her while holding the torch and a picture of Grampy.  I know I was crying as she rounded the curve and walked the path, following the motorcycle of the Indiana State trooper who was leading the procession.

Grampy has been on my mind so much these past few weeks.  And it's not just because of the Torch Relay.  It is harvest season, and we miss him.  Last fall he and Grammy insisted on hauling the grain to the elevator, then could only last for a few loads when they needed to stop for a coffee break....then a rest....and then they would wait until the next day to resume their drives from the field to the elevator. After farming with his dad his entire life, Gary is so used to talking to him about everything connected to the harvest.  Even though I try to converse with him and be there with him, I am a poor substitute.  It just isn't the same.

Then there is Grammy and her health issues.  He was so worried about her, and I know he would be very anxious about her current condition.  She has lost so much weight; she is wasting away to nothing.  He hurt so much when SHE hurt.  I can still hear him say, as he was sitting at the kitchen table when we were taking her to White Memorial in the ambulance in February.  "Don't let anything happen to Aggie.  She is my sweetie.  Please don't let anything happen to my sweetie."  So sad.  So very sad.

The plan was for the girls to push Grampy in his wheelchair during the relay.  I can see him sitting there,  I can see him wearing the torchbearers jacket, cap, and shirt.  I can see him look down, shake his head, and look up with tears in his eyes as he glows with pride for his granddaughters, humbled by his selection for this great honor.

He was with us yesterday.  As I told Megan on the drive back from the picture taking session on the courthouse lawn, he is with Auntie Ann and Uncle Bud and Grandpa Norm, up in heaven, looking down on all of us as we watch the relay, beaming with pride and saying to my dad 'That's our granddaughter.  That's my Meggie." 

Torches and tears. 



Wearing our t-shirts with pride!



Three future torch bearers!



http://indianatorchrelay.com/relay-updates/day-26-torchbearers-photos-pulaski-county/

The pictures say it all.

Uninvited - Week 5

This has been a hard week for me to really focus on the three chapters in Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst.  I couldn't sleep this morning, so I took the opportunity to read Chapter 14, "Moving through the Desperate In-Between."

The very first sentence is highlighted in orange, so Lysa must have hit home with me from the beginning on this one.  "It only takes a teaspoon of rejection to drown an otherwise very alive soul with sorrow." And that fits me perfectly.  One little remark, one movement away from me, one slight of some sort, and my mind conjures up all types of feelings of rejection.  What did I say this time?  What did I do? I re-hash every movement, every word, every look, something I didn't hear or maybe I read someone else wrong and now I would be cast aside....all of those fears come rushing at me.  Why?  I really think it is because I was so conditioned to walking on eggshells when I was growing up.  I was so scared to say something wrong, to be excited then have my happiness balloons quickly punctured, to not do something that was expected or to react the wrong way, and that condition is still with me. It's better.  But it is still there, lurking around.

As I continued through the chapter, I read "We must feel the pain to heal the pain."  Case in point is a few weeks ago.  While I can steel my mind against assaults that might happen, my heart is still vulnerable.  The difficulty lies in the feelings of what I should do and feel and what I actually do and feel.  The most recent encounter I now realize was a defining moment for me.  I did feel the pain during the visit.  It was hard for me to sit and not talk, to let the words bounce off and not respond at all, to listen to what we knew were embellished stories and probably lies, but I walked away feeling undamaged from the encounter.  My pain was healing.

But I also now realize these things from Lysa:  "Pain is the indicator that brokenness exists.  Plain is the reminder that the real enemy is trying to take us out and bring us down by keeping us stuck in broken places.  Pain is the gift that motivates us to fight with brave tenacity and fierce determination knowing there's healing on the other side."

Later Lysa writes:  "if we avoid the hurt, the hurt creates a void in us.  It slowly kills the potential for our hearts to fully feel, fully connect, fully love again.  It allows the rejection of a person to steal the best potential from every other relationship we desperately want and need.  It even steals the best in our relationship with God."

And because of the hurt, I strive to be a better mother and a better grandmother. In the healing process, which will never end, I am finding strength.  In the past few weeks I have truly enjoyed being with Landon, Tessa, Cooper, and Owen.  Not that I haven't before, but I feel like my focus on them has been stronger.  My grandchildren will not have an absent grandmother.  



 

Prayer is always difficult for me, and I think I would benefit greatly on a Bible study that focuses on just that.  But Lysa once again hits me with this "When I feel hurt, I get quiet. "  Oh boy, do I ever.  Then she follows with "To keep my prayers from feeling forced and insincere, I pray Psalm 91.....My favorite way to use Scripture-led prayer is to journal my way through them.  Record them as you pray them. Then personalize them by adding your own thoughts, personal requests, and inspired insights the Lord gives you."  This will work.  I like this.  I can do this.

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."