OBS - Dangerous Prayers - Week 2

No excuses for not being able to keep up with this OBS!   Everyone is home, even though some people in my FB group are essential workers and do have other obligations.  Some are mothers who are doing double and sometimes triple duty with their children now.  But me?  I am home, filling my days with projects, but still having lots of time to focus on the OBS.

I wasn't sure how much I would like this study based on the title.  Dangerous Prayers.  Hmmm....seemed like an oxymoron to me, at first.  But then it isn't the first time the title of the book is something I probably wouldn't have picked up on my own.  I wasn't familiar with the author of the book either.  Plus he was a man...not that I have anything against men, but usually a female author has more of an insight into how a woman's mind works and can relate a little easier.  However....so far, so good.  I have enjoyed the Monday video sessions where Lysa and the author, Craig Groeschel, chat and introduce the week.  Plus I have enjoyed his casual style of writing.  I enjoy Max Lucado's books and OBS too, but I like Craig's style a little more.



Anyway.....the focus for the first two weeks has been this ....Search Me.  Our Bible verse is from Psalm 139.  "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  Psalm 139: 23-24

Side note - We are encouraged to memorize scripture, but I struggle to do that.  I always have.  Other than the study we did on Psalm 23 (and I had memorized that when I was much younger---and I still remember it all!), I struggle with all of the memory work.  I just proved it once again because I had to look at the book several times as I was typing the verse above!

Anyway---as the second week draws to a close, here are some of my take-aways....

1.  If you want to know God intimately,  you will begin to pray unscripted prayers that come straight from your heart.    This is hard for me.  I tend to go with the usual words I always use....thank you for all of the blessings, please watch over us and protect us from harm, keep us healthy....those types of things.  Then I drift into saying the Lord's Prayer and while I love that prayer and it is one that is perfect and Biblical, it is scripted, that's for sure.  It's hard for me to create my own prayer that is 'straight from my heart.'  I know I have...I know I prayed so hard and 'from my heart' when Gary was in the hospital in June and I was so scared.

2.  Because we love Him, we face trials and tribulation, opposition.  On page 30, I read this: "Love those who want to do you harm.  Pray for those intent on your demise."  This reminded me of Mom.  She delighted in not only our problems but in those of others.  She was always waiting for someone to make a mistake, to have an issue, to encounter a crisis, so she could either 'save the day' herself or mock them for the decisions they made.  She always had to look for a negative and then showcase it and eventually gloat about it.  I remember not wanting to tell her that I was retiring from Ivy Tech.  Why? Because she would not be happy for me or congratulate me for teaching for 43 years.  And I was right.  When she found out that I had retired, her response was "They had to get rid of you, didn't they?  What did you do?"  You know...my plan when I went to Ivy Tech was to teach there for 10 years, then retire when I was 65.  And that is what I did.  But Mom wanted to make it into something negative instead.  I wouldn't be surprised if that is what she told anyone who would listen to her. It was hard for me to pray for her.  It was hard to maintain good thoughts and visit her when I knew that the "wrath of Marjorie" would rain down on me from the time I walked in the door until the time I left.  I did pray for Mom.  It was hard, but I did.

3.  The most common lies are the ones we tell ourselves.  Oh my...that hit me hard.  I do lie to myself.  "I am not eating that much, really" as I scarf down another cookie.  "I have been working really hard and I have earned that long john" which is silly because no one earns a long john.  That is just wrong.  "I really exercised hard this morning."  said after the workouts on Zoom, where I don't always do everything that Megan the Trainer wants me to do---and today was a good example of that.  I did the best I could....at least that's what I told myself.  I am getting out of shape, even with the workouts three times a week. I need to up my number to at least 4.  That's a goal for next week.  But going back to the topic of #3.  I do lie to myself quite a bit.  And I don't like that...telling myself lies.  Who do I think I am fooling?

4.  "I realized the closer I got to Jesus, the more I'd have to face my shortcomings."  How true is that!!  Asking God to reveal things to me instead of doing something for me.  That is deep for me.  I like to think that I am ok in the way I do things, my actions, the decisions I make.  If I ask Him to reveal things to me, that will show me where my weaknesses are, where I need to make improvements, and that is hard for me.  Why?  Because Mom was always pointing out to me my weaknesses, my downfalls, things I needed to improve.  I could never accomplish anything or do anything without her getting a jab in about how I could have, or should have, done it differently, and what I could do to improve it the next time.  I think that is why I was always so nervous when my evaluation time came around.  I think it is why I never looked at the student evaluations when the results were sent to us.  I could hear Mom saying 'See, I KNEW you were doing it wrong,' or "Hahaha...and you thought you were doing a good thing?  Wrong!!"  I can still hear her saying to me and to Greta 'And you call yourself a Christian????' and putting that sneering tone with it.  Yep.  That is hard for me.  But the difference is this.  Mom always wanted to cut us down so she could feel superior to us.  She didn't want us to be better at anything than she was.  But God?  He will encourage us to be better out of love for us.

5.  God has often revealed my anxious thoughts and the fears fueling them.  No kidding.  My anxious thoughts usually revolve around doctors and health issues.  I am so scared of something being wrong with us and not being able to fix it.  I fear doctors so much that my blood pressure shoots up and I shake and make myself sick.  After the appointment when I walk out of the office and know that I am fine and don't have to return for six months or a year, I breathe SUCH a sigh of relief and my BP returns to normal and I breathe again.  Why is that?  Why can't I just trust God to get me through the appointment and if something is needed to fix whatever might be found, that it will be fixed and I will be fine.  Why can't I do that?  Right now I am petrified that one of us will get the virus.  This fear has prevented me from sleeping at night. I panic every time I hear Gary cough.  I am so scared every time we leave the property for groceries or carry out meals.  I was especially nervous today because we drove through Monticello to Burnettsville to the quilt shop so I could drop off Lynnlee's quilt for Betty to do the quilting and select fabric so I could finish Tessa's quilt.  Lots of hand sanitizer used.

6.  "To please God, to serve Him, to honor Him, to live for Him, you cannot be driven by fear.  You must be led by faith."  How appropriate is this, not only for me because I am scared all the time, but for this particular time in our lives.  No one knows how this pandemic will end, but I must believe that God has this and he is in control. I need to serve Him.  I must honor Him and live for Him.  I cannot be afraid.  I must trust and know that my faith is strong.  Actually I have been better than I was five weeks ago when all of this started.  But I still have a long journey ahead of me.  Faih.  Not fear.  Faith.

It's a good study.  But think of this.   The plans for this study were made last fall.  How timely is it?  God knew that we would need this study RIGHT NOW.  Not a year ago.  But now.  He put the motions into place for us to be able to study this when we needed it the most.

And that, my friends, is what I mean by showing faith.  If he planned it for us then, I must trust him now.