Prayer Journal #12

 The last two days have been troubling for me.  With the Supreme Court decision there has been more hatred being spewed toward the Court itself, toward people who are taking stands on both sides, and toward, and toward our Constitution.

It breaks my heart to see so much hatred and turmoil in this country.  Between 'sides.'  Among families and friends.

I have an opinion, moreso a belief, about the Roe V Wade situation.  I have a view on abortion.  I don't think that anything anyone can say can change those views.  I feel as I do and I have my reasons for feeling that way.

First, our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.  I was crushed.  I was hurt.  It was one of the saddest and most difficult times of my life.  Losing the baby was hard enough, but seeing the words 'spontaneous abortion' on the doctor's report cut me to the core. While I understand that terminology was needed for the records, that connotative meaning of the word was not what happened in my situation.   Every year in early December and again in mid-June, those feelings of anger, depair, and hurt surface again, and I struggle to put them back into the deep recesses of my heart.

While I understand that not all women want to have babies and sometimes find themselves in situations where they are pregnant, another option is adoption.  It brings tears to my eyes when I think that Landon's birth mother could have decided to have an abortion instead of giving birth, then putting him into Safe Haven box so that he could have a better life than the one she could provide for him (and we have no idea of her circumstances or reasons so I am just guessing).  I can't imagine our lives without him, and I can't imagine missing out on the great kid he is with a bright future ahead of him.  While Tessa's and Owens' mothers could have made that same choice, their situation was a little different since their children were placed in foster care after their births, Tessa at 11 months old and Owen soon after birth. Adoption is an option.  One that isn't discussed or even mentioned too often.  Why?

 I read something this morning about how it wasn't just about the mother's body.  The mother is housing another body, one that has life and will develop and grow independent of the mother after the first nine months.  It's not all about her.  It's about that child.

Some situations require specific actions.  Rape.  Danger to the health of the mother.  Danger to the health of the child.  And there are others.  But special exceptions can be made for those situations. 

I just don't understand the thinking of some people who claim that we as a nation are going backwards.  That this is a throwback to Puritan times. That women are having control of their bodies taken away from them.  That this is the beginning of a slippery slope that will wipe out choices about contraception as well.  That if the government is forcing women to have babies then they should pay for diapers, formula, child care, and on and on.    I just don't understand that way of thinking.

I don't want to discuss this with anyone.  I don't want anyone to tell me I am wrong.  I don't want anyone to agree with me.  This is how I feel.  End of story.  But my prayer for today is for peace.

Dear Lord, please be with all of those in our country who are arguing about abortion and the rights that some think are being stripped.  Help us to respect the opinions of others.  Help us to appreciate the wisdom of our Founding Fathers who created three branches of government and remind us of the roles of each branch.  Encourage the people of this great country to learn more about how these branches work together and especially to learn more about each side of an argument and then showing respect for the opinions of others.  Our country and the citizens need guidance to working together and showing respect rather than fighting and calling names to those who are in disagreement with them.  I pray for the peace that only You can give.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

Prayer Journal #11

  "Father, help me not to dread anything, but to have a positive attitude toward everything I do. In Jesus' name...Amen."

 This is the prayer that accompanied the daily devotion today. 

At first when I read the title of the devotion, I thought it was going to be a depressing type of read.  The scripture was not one that seemed peppy and encouraging.  However, as I read through Joyce's narrative, I found that I really needed to read this today.

This morning I woke up with a feeling of dread.  Yes, I really did.  That happens to me sometimes, and it concerns me.  I really have no reason to dread a day.  I slept well last night.  Gary and I have plans to run some errands and find a good place for lunch.  Then we are going to the VBS program tonight. Neither of us are sick.  We have plenty of money so that isn't an issue.  We have food in the freezer and pantry.  We love our house and property.  We have new floors and a new window and patio door.  I have plenty of sewing projects to keep me busy.  He has a new mower to use when the grass needs some attention.  Our girls are closeby and we see the kiddos frequently.  There really is nothing to dread, to be anxious about, or items for concern.

So I guess I really needed to read this on this sunny June morning.

Joyce reminded me that I need to focus on the positive, which I hadn't been.  It is one of my 'words of the year' and here I am, not feeling it. 

Joyce reminded me that being negative affects more than what I realize.  It sucks joy out of my life.  It affects others around me.  It keeps me from being positive (duh!). And there is a fine line between dread and fear.  I didn't like that.  A fine line between dread and fear. 

A shake up is what I need to day.  A shift to the positive, to being happy, to having more joy in my life.

Praying this again (and I have already done it several times this morning) will help.  Maybe memorizing it would be a good idea?  

"Father, help me not to dread anything, but to have a positive attitude toward everything I do. In Jesus' name...Amen."

Prayer Journal #10

 Today's devotion was titled "God's Reward" and it was about how God handles situations and people that we struggle with. He rewards those who are faithful.  I hope I fall into that category!

The prayer today is this:

"Father, I am encouraged to realize that You bring rewards in our lives, and I am waiting for mine.  Keep me strong, trusting in Your perfect timing.  While I wait, let me serve You with all of my heart.  In Jesus' name.  Amen."

One of the things mentioned that God asks us to do is forgive our enemies.  I don't really have enemies to forgive right now, but I do still struggle a little with forgiving my mother for all of the mean words she said, all of them hurtful actions she did to us, and the many times she belittled and mocked me.   I know in my head that forgiveness is more for me than for her.  I know that if I told her I forgave her that she would attack me again by saying that I had a lot of nerve for saying that she needed  to be forgiven when it was me who had done so many hurtful and bad things all of my life.  I would be the one who needed to ask HER to forgive ME for all of the hurt I had caused her.  

All I can do now is to remain faithful to God and believe and trust in Him.  I will try hard to serve Him and do as He wants me to.  I pray that I can do that.

Prayer Journal #9

 Today

's devotion was about jealousy.  I try not to be jealous, but I admit that I have moments where I wish I had a particular trait or could be 'like' someone else.  Then I think about it and know it would never work for me because that is not who I am.

Often our devotions relate to the theme of our uniqueness.  We are all made to be just as we are, and as we develop our talents and traits, they are particular to no one except to us.

I like to sew. I like to read. I like a clean and neat house.  I like my people and being with them.  I like taking vacations with my husband.  I like sleeping.  I like certain tv shows and movies and don;'t like others.  Those things are just part of who I am.

Today I want to focus on being happy with being me.  I want to be thankful for all that I have, that I am, that I am a part of.  I want to be not concerned about what others have and do.  

And while I focus on these things, I thank God for all that HE has given me.  He has give me the love of reading.  He has given me the talent I need to sew.  He has blessed us with the ability to buy a new house and property that is closer to our girls and their families and that is a perfect place for us to entertain.  He has given us a family that we love and that loves us and that enjoys spending time together.

How can I be jealous of others when I have so much to be thankful for?

Dear Lord, thank you for all of the blessings you bestow upon me and my family each and every day.  Thank you for providing us with more than we can ever want, with people who care about us, with a safe place to live and grow, with more food than we need, and with more love to share than we ever thought possible.  As some of our family is traveling today, watch over them to give them safety as they are on the roads.  Be with them as they rest and relax and enjoy family time together.  Be with all of us as we work through this week and prepare 4-H projects as well as complete other home challenges.  Please help us remember that all that we have, we owe to you.  Thank you, Lord, for health, happiness, and family.  Amen.

Prayer Journal #8

 My devotion today was about being responsible for our own joy.  The verse was one of my favorites from Philippians, 4: 4.  "Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!"  

The devotion focused on how we are responsible for our own joy; it is not dependent on other people.  The "fruit" of self-control was also mentioned and discussed.

How appropriate for today!  I have been 'over the moon' happy about our three latest home improvements.  First the bathroom was painted and we didn't have to do it!  The unpainted spot behind the toilet has been covered. The uneven edges and missed spots are gone.  It just looks good.  Then the two new additions from Bee Windows:  a new patio door and a new awning window in the master bath. I love them both, but I am really enjoying opening the bathroom window each morning to let the steam from my shower out of the bathroom.  Finally...the flooring.  I absolutely LOVE the new flooring in all three rooms.  The kitchen/dining room looks so much better, especially with the new molding and the new rugs.  The bathrooms just pop now.   We have had some great reactions to our projects---and a few that have been not so great.  But that is ok.  The lack of enthusiasm or negative feedback is not going to dampen how I feel about what we have done. 

I am responsible for my own joy.

The prayer today:

"Father, help me take responsibility for my own joy by no longer blaming others if I am unhappy.  I recognize that I have self-control as a gift from You and I ask that You help me start using it on a regular basis.  Thank You.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

Prayer Journal #7

 I learned today that my high school friend Peggy King Brown lost her husband.

I had just been thinking about her the other day.  She collects old bowls and pottery and often posts pictures of the items in her collection.  She has commented on some of the bowls I have picked up, mainly at Green Oak.  As I was replacing the bowls on top of the hutch after it had been returned to the spot in the dining room, I thought about Peggy and how I hadn't seen any posts lately.

Today she posted by sharing her husband's obituary. 

Now her husband Leonard also was a MVHS graduate, class of 1968, so he was a year older than we were.  He was very active in the band, playing the French horn, and that is about all I remember of him (and I am not really sure why I remember which instrument he played). 

Peggy and Leonard lived in Laredo, Texas, and he was retired from teaching music in the public schools and I think Peggy had retired from teaching elementary students, but I am not sure.  They had two sons, one of whom is married, and two grandsons.

Tonight my prayer includes a prayer for peace and comfort for Peggy and her sons and their families.  

Please, Lord, but with them as the grieve the loss of their husband, father, and grandfather.  Amen.

Prayer Journal #6

 "I'm sorry, Father, for thinking that everything in my life is up to me.  I see now that this mindset has caused stress and stolen my joy.  Grant me the grace to let go and trust others to do some of the things I have been doing.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

This prayer was part of our devotions for today, so it is not original with me.  However it fit me very well.  It fits people I know very well.  

I slipped into the idea that I had to be responsible for so many things in my life.  Of course I am responsible for me, for my children when they were younger, for what happened in my classroom, for the duties of my position at school and later at the college.  I was responsible for some things in our marriage.  On the other hand, though, I felt like I had to be responsible for so many things that I could have asked for help with. 

I remember when I was first the co-chair of the North Central committee.  I felt pressure of needing everything to run smoothly, for our school to shine in the evaluation, for the visiting committee to feel like that they were special visitors, for our faculty, students, and community to know that I did everything I could to present West Central in the best possible light.  Otherwise I would fail and forever be known as the one who couldn't pull it off.  My first co-chair didn't do much of anything.  He didn't plan, organize, follow through, think ahead.  It was frustrating for me.  The second time we were evaluated I was asked to chair again, and this time the co-chair was from the elementary and we worked well together.  However everything I did at school I felt was scrutinized, so I wanted to be sure it was the best it could be and I did more than my share of the work.

That followed in my home life too.  I was always so nervous when we entertained because I didn't want others to criticize me or want to go elsewhere instead of to our house.  I couldn't ask anyone to help with prep work or food or paper products or anything because I felt like I had to do it all.

Why?  Some of it came from criticism from my mother on everything I did.  There was always something wrong and if I lost control over any aspect of a project, then I would be open to more criticism.   Does that make sense?  Probably not.

 One thing stressed in the devotion today was to focus on blessing others, doing things for other people, thinking about what other people need.  If we do that, then the focus won't be on us and our stress will lessen. If we can delegate some of our responsibilities, then we can have the time and opportunity to bless others.  And who knows? Maybe accepting a responsibility or challenge might be a blessing in disguise---just what someone else needs to boost self-esteem or take the mind off of other issues?

Trusting God is another reason to delegate.  He is in control and He will be sure that we have what we need when we need it.

Goal for me?  Let go off the control.  I'll be tested on this soon too!   I realized yesterday that Father's Day is this Sunday.  No one has mentioned getting together to celebrate.  Gary said he really doesn't care, and I am not going to mention it.  Why?  Delegating the decision for celebration and the method of doing it to the ones who made him a father!  

We shall see how that works!

Prayer Journal #5

 It's not up to me.

Really.  It isn't.

I know that, but too often I want to be in charge and have it all my way.  I butt heads with people who want to 'do it' differently than the way I think it should be done or the way I have planned.  Just ask my husband and my daughters.

That means that today's devotion was hitting me hard, right in the head and in the heart.

How do I change this trait that has been part of me for most of my life?

Easy.

Prayer.  

Turn it all over to God. 

From today's devotion:

I'm sorry, Father, for thinking that everything in my life is up to me. I see now that this mindset has caused stress and stolen my joy.  Grant me the grace to let go and trust others to do the things I have been doing.  In Jesus' name I pray...Amen.

Big thing for me is to let go and let others do what they want to help.  Bigger thing is to "let go and let God" take care of things that He can and will do for me.  It's not all about my decisions on daily activities and even the bigger things in life.  He has the plan and I need to remember that He will carry it out, whether I fuss or worry or try to change it.  He is in control, not me.

Prayer Journal #4

 This prayer I have borrowed from the devotional Strength for Each Day by Joyce Meyer.  My friend Rhonda and I have been using this book for our 2022 daily devotions.  This prayer is fitting for me for today and I decided to just share it here.

Father, I'm sorry for the day I have wasted being negative and discouraged.  Today is a new day, and I choose, with Your help, to be hopeful, to be positive, and to be a blessing everywhere I go.  In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Trying to be more positive has been a challenge.  For some reason, and I hate to say this, but it could be something I inherited from my mother, I slip into that focus on the negative.  It usually hits me first thing in the morning and seemed to be worse after the COVID shut down and especially when Gary and I were so sick with COVID in November 2020.  Because I had been struggling, one of my 'Words of the Year' for 2022 is POSITIVE.  Focusing on the good things.  Trying to keep my mind up rather than down.  Being encouraging.  Staying out of arguments (hard for me to do) with people I love and care about.  

While on a day-to-day basis I don't think I have made much progress, when I look at where I was a year ago and my way of thinking now, I can see that I have changed my outlook.  

Tonight I pray that I continue to progress and focus more on the positives and less on the negatives.  Instead of bemoaning the fact that we are halfway through June, that after the 4th of July there are all of the county fairs, then school starts again at the beginning of August, I should be thankful that we have so many days with the kids, that we see them nearly every day, that we are creating many memories that will be cherished for many years. 

Prayer Journal #3

 Do you need forgiveness on something?

Definitely.  I have been snapping at Gary the last few days and I shouldn't be.

Why have I been snapping?

Well, we are getting new flooring in the kitchen/dining room this coming week.  Everything needs to be moved out except the big island and the pantry.  This is the perfect opportunity, I think, to clean out the hutch and the Amish cabinet, sort through the little island and pitch some things, and clean out the fridge.  I have a process in my mind to follow when I plan something like that.

Unfortunately, my plan and Gary's plans are not the same. When I came downstairs yesterday morning, he had already pulled things off the top of the hutch, off the side shelves and put them in the garage.  He had moved the small shelving unit we have just inside the door for our keys and such, and I had wanted to go through that first.  So I was short tempered with him.  

As we worked through the hutch, he was helpful, but there was one instance where I bristled again.  Many years ago we had bought (or were given--I forget) some pasta bowls and a plate for bread.  We used them a few times and they were fun to use but as the years went by and the girls were small, we didn't use them as much.  Their place in the hutch moved to the back.  I found them again when we moved and thought we might use them again.  Maybe one time they made their way out of the hutch to the counter, but I really didn't enjoy using them. Plus two of them were chipped.  Time for them to go in the donation box.  Gary didn't want to put them in there.  He thought the bowl would be perfect for Tessa.  He could find a place for them somewhere in the kitchen.  When I said no to that because he is always 'finding a place' for something which invariably takes up a spot on a shelf that had been reserved for something else.  Then he said he would just put them on a shelf in the garage.  Well, how is that going to make them more accessible?  They went into the donation box.   

This morning when I came downstairs to watch online church he was moving things from the islands and the top of the fridge to the top of the table which is now in the living room.  Once again I bristled, so I returned to our bedroom to watch the service on my iPad.  He came after me and I returned to the living room. 

I am still in my pjs now but I feel more relaxed and will be ready to plow through the things on the table and sort this afternoon.  My frustration is gone.

First of all, not all husbands would be willing to help with this project.  Some would just sit in the chair and watch while their wives did all of the work. Some would make themselves busy doing other things.  Others would just flat out refuse.  My husband is willing and able to pitch in and help without my asking him to do so.  Secondly, I am SO thankful that my husband is here.  He has had two major health issues, three if we count COVID, since we have moved here.  Both of us have lost muscle tone and the ability to move around as well as we did when we first moved here.  Part of that is due to COVID, but part is due to our ages.  Several of my former colleagues and friends have lost their husbands and they are my age or younger.  I am so thankful that we are still both here and relatively healthy.

So I pray this morning for forgiveness and ask God to help me show my appreciation for all that Gary does for me and to help around the house.  I know he dislikes weed-eating but he knows that I like things to look neat so he was out Friday afternoon with the weedeater, doing his thing.  I am so thankful for him and how do I show my appreciation?  By being upset that he isn't doing whatever the way I want it to be done.  Shame on me.

Dear Lord, I know that I have not shown appreciation for all that Gary does to help me and to keep our home looking nice.  I ask you for forgiveness for my short temper and to help me back away from expecting everything to be done MY way. Thank you for all of the blessings you give to us, especially the financial means to have a new window and door installed last week and new flooring this week.  Thank you for our good fortune to find this house which if perfect for us.  Thank you for watching over us and keeping us safe and healthy.  In Jesus name I pray...Amen

Prayer Journal #2

 Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of friendship.  Debbie came for breakfast and a visit to catch up today.   She mentioned that even though we knew each other when I was teaching and had her children, we weren't close friends, but we had become friends since we both moved to the area.  I thank you for putting the seed in our lives to connect and then to encourage our friendship to grow over the past few years.  Even though she and Dave are moving to the Muncie area in the fall, please help us to find the motivation and the circumstances to continue meeting and sharing our lives.  In Jesus' holy name I pray, Amen.

Prayer Journal #1

 When the girls and I went to Nashville IN on our 'Girls Trip' last week, we stopped at a cute bookstore and I found a Prayer Journal that I really liked. I bought one for my friend Rhonda also.  I haven't posted here iny blog for a year, but it's time to start again.  Prayer Journal.  Random thoughts.  Who know?

Where did you see God today?

 After I finished painting the herb garden trellis Blaine made for me, I was sitting on Nellie Belle, watching Gary finish some things in the yard.  He had been mowing all morning and after lunch.

I am so thankful to live here.  I know I have been saying that for four years (yes!  It will be four years that we closed on this property on June 25!), but it still holds true today.  I love it here.  I liked it at our old house outside of Pulaski, but the feelings are different here.

As I sat on Nellie Belle, I was looking around at the barn.  The goats.   The green grass.   The lilies that are blooming in the flower bed east of the deck.   The blue sky speckled with white clouds.  

How can anyone sit outside in the summer and witness the beauty of nature and not be thankful that God created all of this?

Thank you, Lord, for creating all of the beauty of nature, for giving us flowers that bloom throughout the spring and summer months so that we can enjoy many colors each and every day.  Thank you for creating the sun, moon, stars, and sky plus all of the clouds for us to enjoy. Green grass, the green of corn and soybeans popping through the brown dirt in the fields around us, and the green of leaves on many trees in our yard are all reminders of your great Glory.  Thank you for blessing us with the wonders of nature.  Amen.