Mornings Are Just Hard

I am sitting in the recliner, near tears.

In 10 minutes I am supposed to be logging onto Zoom for the morning workout with Megan the Trainer.  And what am I doing?  Sitting in the recliner, still in my pajamas, with no intentions of clicking on the Zoom app and adding in the numbers so that she can add me to the session.

Why?

Because mornings are just h  ard for me.

Yes, I feel better when I work out. Yes, it is a better start to my day.  Yes, I like to be in that routine of getting up, showering, fixing my hair, and getting dressed before I even walk down the steps to the living room.

But mornings have become just hard for me.

I used to be such a morning person. I really did like mornings a lot.  I like the early morning quiet.  Watching the sunrise is always a reminder of what God can do to a morning sky with his paintbrush. 

When I was teaching at West Central, I loved getting to school early, even before the principal, and parking in the first spot at the front door, walking into the quiet school and going to my dark room. It was always a time before Glenn would flip on the lights so only the auxiliary lights would pave the way in the halls.   The quiet was peaceful, invigorating, and reflective.

But now?  When I wake up, even when I slept most of the night as I have the last two, I feel uneasy.  I am so thankful we made it through another day and night with no illnesses popping up, but I feel scared about what the day might bring.

I worry too much; I know that.  Every time I feel better about the pandemic, such as knowing that we are taking the proper precautions, not worrying every time I feel a little tightness in my chest, or going into a panic when I hear Gary cough...I hear something that puts me into a spin again.

Tyson. Over 1000 cases of COVID-19 in Cass County. 

Indiana Packers.  Numbers increasing now in Carroll County.

Overflow of those workers into Tippecanoe County.  Numbers rising here as well.

Then measures being taken in both White and now Pulaski Counties.  Mandatory mask-wearing.  Limiting number of people in stores.  No people under 16 allowed in stores. 

And the political mud-slinging?  I agree with Wally's post the other day.  It doesn't matter what Trump and Pence do or say...it is wrong.  Too soft on restrictions.  Too hard on restrictions.  Too early to close things. What were they thinking?  Too late on closures?  Why didn't they act earlier?  Trump's words being taken out of context.  Why doesn't he use the medical experts, when he does, but the liberals don't like what is said? 

I have no use for people who are blasting others and twisting words.  I have 'unfollowed' so many in the past week and plan to do more of it. 

"Marked safe from Trump's advice to drink Lysol."  Really?  He didn't say that.  Twist the words.

"I hope Pence visits the plant at Logansport and doesn't wear a mask."  Why would you hope that? 
You want someone, especially the VP of the United States, to contract this disease and potentially die?  Do you hate someone that much that you wish them ill and dead?

Each morning I vow to not use my phone as much during the day.  Each morning I tell myself that I will stay off of  FB and not read any of the garbage that is posted on there so often.  But that is just hard.  My phone is my connection to the girls.  My phone has the calculator I need sometimes when I am working with the numbers for cutting fabric.  My phone has the weather app that I check frequently.  The apps I need for grocery lists and the links to emails are on my phone.  How can I get through the day without it?

Gary always says he can.  He doesn't know where his phone is most of the time.  But the girls call me.  He expects me to know information that I find on my phone.  He doesn't use the phone for that information like I do. 

A drift to another topic...sorry.

I am sitting here in the recliner, just close to tears.  I don't like to be scared. I don't like to wake up and my first thoughts are how we are going to get through the day without going anyplace or without seeing other people.  What do we REALLY need? 

I started a post the other day about how fortunate and blessed we are not to have any serious illnesses to contend with right now.  So many people are suffering from maladies that are SO serious.  Sheri.  Trish.  Graham.  Sophia.  Cheryl. 

So many people are alone and suffering from not seeing others.  I think about Nellie in the nursing home, all alone in that small room.  I think about Charlie from the Fitness Center whose wife died in February and his grandchildren are not at Purdue anymore.  I think about Amanda and being in her small apartment. I think about the children whose parents don't care about them or their education, who may not have food and clean clothes or decent shelter.  Then I feel so ashamed because we have so much and are so blessed.

Just so many thoughts running through my mind this morning...and every morning.

We will get through this.  We have to.  And maybe mornings will be better soon.