November 29

Yep..November 29. 

The house is decorated for Christmas.

All the gifts purchased so far have been wrapped.

WHAT?????

Check the calendar again. Yes, it IS November 29.

I can't believe that the house is really decorated.  Now granted...decorating the house for Christmas is one of the most stressful things I ever do.  Why?  I don't know, but it is.  I despise decorating the house for the holidays.  After it is finished, like right now as I am typing this, I am relaxed and really like the way the house looks.  Gary even said a while ago that everything looked really nice.  Is it worth the bad mood for two days and the horrible feeling of clutter and not knowing where anything is?  Probably.  At least it happens only once a year, and I can do this once a year.  Can't I?

Then there is the wrapping.  Usually the purchased gifts go into Hilary's old bedroom, in the bags, and I start pulling them out the week before we get-together for our gift exchange.  Then I stress out once again, hoping that I have everything.  Trying to juggle time for additional shopping for things I missed.  But I looked at the calendar and it IS November 29 and everything we have purchased so far is listed on my chart and wrapped. 

Online shopping has been great this year!  Three packages came today, and those items are wrapped.  I just ordered four more gifts online.  Perfect!

What to do tomorrow?  I already have a plan.  After Michelle (our insurance lady) comes in the morning, I plan to start on the shirt pillows and the fabric cone trees.  I will actually have time to do this!  I am so excited.

Yes, this retirement thing is working out well this week.  No teaching. No grading of argument papers.  No final grades to complete.  No students trying to convince me that they really do deserve an "A" even if they didn't complete all of the work.  

Instead of all of that, the decorating is completed.  All of the gifts purchased so far are wrapped.  And I can work on projects tomorrow. 

Yippee!!!

Reading in My Spare Time

Time to catch up on what I have been reading lately.   Sitting in the hospital, staying with Agnes and watching her sleep and rest, riding in the car...all opportunities to read.

First up - Jodi Piccoult's new book, Small Great Things. This is the first of her books I have read (gasp!).  Since I really enjoyed it, I will be reading more of her work.  I became interested in this one after talking to Rae Jeanne French in the aisle of Krogers one day a month or so ago.  She and Chad had been camping and she had it on her Kindle, but left the charger at home, which spun into a story involving buying a hard copy and gifts of books to Emily and Maxine.  I was intrigued.  After checking Barnes and Noble and Amazon and Target, I decided to check it out on Overdrive so I didn't have the added expense and yet another book sitting on the bookshelf.  Verdict - I loved it!  It was full of thought-provoking dialogue and events which would be great discussion points in a book club or even with a few friends.  Rae suggested lunch one day so she and I could talk about it.

Second - I like John Grisham and had heard or read something about his book  Rogue Lawyer.  This one I really enjoyed as well.  At first I was disappointed when I looked at the Table of Contents because there seemed to be separate stories; however, they all intertwined with each other.  Or at least the main character kept them intertwined since he was the common denominator! IAs I started a new section, I was immediately captured by the new story, which is something Grisham usually is able to do with his writing.  I was a little disappointed at the end because I felt like I was left hanging with some of the stories.  What happened with the crazy guy who popped in and out and knew about the white slavery ring?  What about the mafia guy who escaped from the prison just before he was to be executed? Maybe Grisham was keeping the door open for another novel using one of those characters whose stories were still open.  Time will tell!

Third - Picking up another book by the same author as one I just finished usually doesn't happen.  I am often ready for a different style, something in a different format with a different focus.  But I also had read a few comments from reviewers about Grisham's new book, The Whistler, so I checked it out on Overdrive also.  This one I was disappointed in.  The plot seemed to move so slowly.  I wanted it to just get on with it instead of the snail's pace it had adopted.  I have to admit that I skimmed through the final chapters because I was just tired of reading it.  Maybe if I had read something else between Rogue Lawyers and this one, I would have had a different reaction. Lesson learned, I guess.

Fourth - Online Bible Study.  At first I was hesitant to start this study because of Agnes, because of the holidays, just because I feared I would not have time. I ordered the book from Amazon and when it arrived and I flipped through it, I was a little leery of the format, especially the section with spaces for responses.  I never do well with that.  However, this study has been a pleasant surprise.  The title is Wait and See and it was written by Wendy Pope of Proverbs 31 ministries. Once again I was reading while sitting with Agnes.  One morning I sat at the kitchen table and worked on the first chapters which really spoke to me.  Considering the situation I was in at the time, sitting with my mother-in-law while she was in the last stages of her battle with bladder cancer, the "wait" explanation was very timely. (pun intended!).  Then I read about humility the next day.   And as the reading continued, the growth in my need to become more Christ-like was evident.  Last week I was sitting downstairs while Gary was upstairs at the podiatrist appointment with my Wait and See book and using my phone for the Bible readings.  As our life is changing following Agnes' death in that we no longer need to check on her daily, pick up her medicine, or pick up groceries for her, I feel the need for the focus on three things in Chapter 5:  prayer, power of the word, and praise.  This ties in also with Jim's homework assignment from last Sunday. Journaling a note of thankfulness (praise) and praying with a focus on our blessings (prayer and praise).   How cool is that?

Fifth and finally - Because of Bethlehem by Max Lucado.  I picked this up at the Barnes and Noble book fair the other day. I put it down, then regretted not buying it.  Amazon was my friend, and I ordered it and it was delivered two days later.  Reading before I go to sleep is a favorite thing to do for me, and this book is perfect.  I am learning so much about the Bible, about the Christmas story, and about my Christian life from just the few chapters I have read so far.  Max Lucado's style is easy to read and understand, and I am enjoying his casual tone plus the real-life examples he includes.  I was considering ordering more copies for gifts, but since they will be given at Christmas, not before, the timeliness might be off.  Still thinking about that....

 That's all for now!  I have several books on Overdrive (gee!  I am so glad I re-connected with that!) that I need to start on, but I also have decorating, cleaning, and catching up to do here at home.  We shall see. You can't keep a good book away from me!

Black Friday Shopping Boycott?

You know, I used to love Christmas shopping on the day after Thanksgiving.  Greta and I always went shopping when we lived in Mt. Vernon, then at Southern Park in Youngstown.  Gary even went along in Ohio a few times. Gary, Karen, and I enjoyed several marathon shopping trips in Indianapolis when the girls were younger and could spend a night with the grandparents.

But Black Friday took the day after Thanksgiving shopping to an entirely new level - one that I don't enjoy at all and one that I definitely avoid.

That is why today's events were so surprising.

We started with plans to clean up the house at The Farm after the Thanksgiving gathering. Mike, Angie, and Nick planned to leave early this morning, so we could sweep the floors and straighten up anything else that was needed.  Then we would come home and work on some Christmas decorating inside and outside the house.

Well, that worked, at least the first part of it.  We moved some furniture in the living room since Mike took the blue recliner he had purchased for Agnes in April and there was an empty spot.  I swept the floors in the front room, bathroom, living room, kitchen, and the porch.  All of the wet towels were put in a basket to bring home.  The fall tablecloth was removed from the kitchen table and the placemats and lazy Susan replaced.  Clean dishes were put away, and the dirty ones from dumping little dribbles and dabs of leftovers from the fridge were washed.  Ornaments were replaced into boxes and moved to the kitchen table so that the extra table could be folded and put in the Escape to bring home.  We gathered the odds and ends of things that were ours - the Tripoly chips and tray, the casserole dishes, the strawberry jelly, the little tub containing Thanksgiving candles that I used for table decorations.  I checked the timers on the two lamps to be sure they were re-set for the evenings.  Then we locked the doors and left.

Home?  No.  Monticello.  To Walmart for replacement lights.  To Rural King for a gift for Landon.  Lunch at Sublettes.

Thus began the shopping extravaganza.  No cart at Walmart since we went in for 2 sets of lights.  We walked out with 6 sets, a couple of packs of small white lights for the window candles, and a new green light for the front porch.  No crane truck for Landon at Rural King, but we did find a farm set for Owen and a machinery set for Cooper, plus a large bag of cat food and a tank for army men (Landon's new passion!). Short lines everywhere, not too many people, and helpful clerks.

Next we decided to try the Rural King in Logansport.  No crane for Landon, but we did find some .  shirts for all of the kids (on sale), a sweatshirt for Blaine (on sale), and a blanket for Greta (on sale).  Gary did find a livestock truck with a bull in it for Landon as a substitute gift.  Once again no lines at the checkout but lots of people shopping.

While we were in Logan, we might as well stop at Home Depot and check out a new lighted tree for the front yard since ours didn't work that well anymore.  No tree. But we did find something cool for Blaine that he had mentioned he wanted and decided to get one for Matt too (for his birthday). 

Of course JC Penney is next to Home Depot and there were lots of cars there, probably more cars than I had EVER seeen at JCP in Logansport.  So we stopped there.  I wanted to find a longer sweater or lightweight top for the pink/rose printed leggings I bought.  I have a pink LuLaRoe top but it makes me look fat so I wanted something different.  No luck.  But Gary found two shirts on sale and I found a pair of solid black leggings.  We also ran into cousin Betty and chatted with her for a while.

By that time we were hungry again, so on the way out of town we pulled into West Side Diner for fish.  It was good to chat with Mr. Terry for a while.  There was a little bit of excitement when a man dining with his family choked on something, his wife was hitting him on the back then yelled "Can someone help me!?!?!"  A man in the booth behind them jumped up and started the Heimlich on him and dislodged whatever was stuck.  Two other men came to help, along with Mr. Terry.  In the process the man knocked over a glass of water on the table and that had to be cleaned up too.  He was fine after, but it was a little tense for a while.

Finally we returned home after a drive through Pulaski to check out the lights.

No, we don't do that Black Friday shopping, except for today!  Most of the crowds must have been out early and had returned home, or they all went to bigger towns to find their bargains.

Even though we didn't find everything we went after, we did cross several things off the lists for Christmas gifts so the trip was successful.

And I did find the crane online and ordered it for Landon.  Score!!!

My Favorite Holiday Part 2

Fast forward a few years to adulthood and memories from the last 40 years.  Well, maybe not the entire 40 years, but until the girls were married and living in their own houses.

Wednesday at school was one of the three "longest days of the year" because everyone was so excited for the four-day weekend, seeing family, Christmas shopping, and the holiday was on a THURSDAY so that meant a short week and loss of focus on anything academic.  Students were excited; teachers were too!

When the girls were in school, such as elementary and middle school, Wednesday was always the 'prep night' for baking and making whatever I was taking to Grandma and Grandpa's the next day. No homework, something fun for dinner, later bedtimes, and excitement.  I always missed my Grandma Greta.  By that time she was living in Salem in an assisted living facility and she didn't know me whe I called.  She died when Megan was in junior high, and I was devastated for several reasons.  That is the subject for another blog post, but relating to Thanksgiving, I always made scalloped oysters and her cranberry salad, plus when we started to host the dinner, I tried to follow her traditional menu.  I missed her so much, and when we were first married I would always call her and ask for advice on the scalloped oysters.  She never had a recipe, so she would laugh and say "crush just enough crackers to cover the bottom of the dish" and "add salt and pepper but not too much because the crackers have salt already."  No measurements.  Not ever.  

Thanksgiving morning?  Macy's parade, of course.  We would try to time it so we could drive to Grandpa and Grandma's early enough to NOT miss the arrival of Santa at the end of the parade.  Funny thing - one year when Landon spent The Night Before Thanksgiving with us a couple of years ago, he had no interest at all in the parade.  Zero. Zilch. Nada.  I was so disappointed that I couldn't watch it with him, like I did with my girls.

Several years Gary, Karen, and I would take off on Saturday for Indianapolis (usually Greenwood) and do the 'shop 'till you drop' routine!  We would spend the night somewhere, then hit the stores again the next day.  With ball games, teaching, and grading, plus church and school activities, it was easier to do the marathon shopping, which we did!  The girls stayed with Grandpa and Grandma so they could be spoiled just a little bit more than they already were.

Later when the girls were in high school we got into basketball practice for Hilary and other activities which took their time over the weekend.  Still, thougugh, those Wednesday nights were special.  

When Megan went to ISU, I was counting the days until she came home, and the same thing happened when both of them were away at school.  I remember Megan and I making the cover for the window seat one of those times.  I don't think she remembers it, but I do.

This year is going to be a different Thanksgiving, but then the last two were different for me also.  Two years ago I was still recovering from my second knee replacement surgery on the same knee, then the attack of shingles on the right side of my face.  I was so tired, to the point of exhaustion, and I don't even remember much of what went on that day in 2014.  Last year, 2015, I had pneumonia which was diagnosed a few days before the holiday.  Last minute change to The Farm for the family gathering, shifts in the menu responsibilities, and Gary was in charge of the turkey and dressing.  I spent Thanksgiving mostly alone, until Gary brought me a plate of food. Then Clay showed up to visit us.  It was a very different day.

This year will be different too.  There will be two empty spots at the table.  Leo will not be out in the kitchen, checking to see what he can do and looking for a cup of coffee and something to nibble on before the noon meal.  Already my tears have been flowing, and I am sure there are others feeling the same emotions.  I am also positive more tears will flow tomorrow.  They have left a void that just cannot be filled.

Memories.  That's part of Thanksgiving for me.  More to be made.  More to remember.  More to share.

My Favorite Holiday

Thanksgiving.  That's it.  My favorite holiday.

Why?

Family together.

Long break from school.

Harvest is over.

Great food - traditional menu (except for goulash!)

Family.  Family. Family.

No gifts so no expectations.

Advent of the Christmas season.

There is something about all of these that are special to me.

Tripoley!

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles



So many memories from Thanksgivings past that always surface this time of year.

Thanksgiving at Grandma Greta's farm.  Even though the family lived within five miles of each other, the gathering at the farm was always special.

Walking into the kitchen and smelling everything!  Nothing can match that.  

Knowing that we could just relax and have fun.  Dad didn't have to work ever. Grandpa was there because he never drove the truck on Thanskgiving. Dad and Uncle Dean and Grandpa would watch football games.  

Greta, Sherry, and I would play, plot, and plan at our own table.  Over the years boyfriends were added in to our little group, moreso by Sherry than by Greta and me since no boyfriends were coming from Indiana to Ohio until the serious relationships happened.

Then the day after.  This was before Black Friday.  Greta and I would ALWAYS go to Southern Park Mall in Youngstown for shopping. One of the highlights for me was finding a cool place for lunch. I guess we didn't eat out that much in those days so a lunch out was very special...and Greta and I were very close at that time so it was a chance to catch up and have fun together.

The advent of the Christmas season.  Today decorations and music creep into the atmosphere soon after Halloween with Thanksgiving virutally forgotten in the consumer world.  However after the Thanksgiving holiday all stops are removed.  "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"  "Carol of the Bells"  "Silent Night"  "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and many more.  Outdoor lights.  Christmas trees.  Candles in the windows.  Wreaths on the door.  The nativity.  The lights in Pulaski.  I love all of it.  

Plus so much Christmas cheer happens between the holidays.  Better moods. Friendlier encounters when shopping (for the most part). The season of joy!

And there is the anticipation of the birth of the Baby Jesus, which is the reason we celebrate the Christmas holiday in the first place, which is most exciting part!

Yes...this is my favorite holiday.  Thanksgiving.  And it is tomorrow!   Yeah!

 

Thanksgiving Goulash

Here is the story:

Thanksgiving 1975 I spent with the Siemens family, my first holiday away from MY family, the first time I met some of the relatives, the first time I spent a longer period of time with those who would be my future in-laws.  I remember taking scalloped oysters and sweet potatoes to the noon meal, my traditional food contributions.  At the end of the day Gary asked me what I thought of the family, the meal, the entire day.  My only question was "Why goulash?" which had never appeared on my grandmother's traditional Thanksgiving menu.  His response?  "Doesn't everyone have goulash on Thanksgiving?"  Well, no.  It was a first for me.

The next year we went to Beloit for Thanksgiving at Grandma's and I was so excited to share the traditional Thanksgiving meal with him-turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, rolls with real butter, cranberry salad, scalloped oysters, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, raisin pie, apple pie.  Yum Yum!  Then Aunt Joretta walked in and announced "Happy Thanksgiving!  I have my taco salad!"

And Gary just looked at me.  He said "Taco salad? Traditional dish for Thanksgiving, huh?"

Well, I found that the Siemens goulash was not only a Thanksgiving dish; it was a dish prepared for every holiday and more.  That goulash popped up everywhere and always graced the table at Thanksgiving.  Agnes didn't have a recipe, but she always used ketchup as the tomato base of the dish.  Never has the goulash I have made tasted quite like hers.

Fast forward to 10 years ago.   2006.  Since I had a long break Thanksgiving week and it IS my favorite holiday, I offered to host the family dinner at our house and Agnes jumped at the change in locations.  She had had some health issues that summer and was more than happy to pass off the prep work to me.

Now was my chance!  Traditional menu.  Sit down meal which we never did at their house.  Little ornament gifts for the ladies in the family to adorn their trees.  I was so excited.

After the meal Leo told me that everything was really good.  One thing was missing though.  Goulash.  My response was that I didn't make goulash, especially for Thanksgiving.   So there!  I was nice about it, but I wasn't going to include it on the menu.

The next year.  Same thing.  No goulash.

The next year.  Agnes was bringing deviled eggs, pumpkin pies, and the relish trays.  When they walked into the house at 10:00 a.m. I could hear Leo asking for a hot pad. As I grabbed one, I thought "Wait a minute!  Deviled eggs.  Relish tray.  Pumpkin pies.  Hot pad?"  Something didn't fit there.

Goulash.  Yep, there it was.  A casserole dish of goulash.

That was the one year that goulash was added to the menu at our house. It could have been served the year we were at Disney World for Thanksgiving...not sure.

As Jim was talking with us on Friday after Agnes died, the story of the goulash surfaced.  He mentioned it in his funeral tribute to her.  As the menu was reviewed once again for Thanksgiving, goulash was added in.  I don't know how to make it with tomato juice, and neither does anyone else since Agnes never used a recipe, but Karen is going to attempt to replicate that traditional dish for all Siemens family holidays.

I had to smile when I read Jim's thank you note for the honorarium we sent him in appreciation for his visits, the funeral message, and arranging the luncheon.  At the end, after his signature, he wrote, "Enjoy the Siemens goulash for Thanksgiving!"

Agnes and Leo will be smiling down on us this year for sure.  Goulash has returned!

Sunday evening before Thanksgiving

My, how things change yet they stay the same, don't they?

Thanksgiving is my very favorite holiday...moreso than Christmas.  I like Christmas, don't get me wrong, but there is just something about Thanksgiving that I really really like.

Thanksgiving is the time when family gets together.  When we moved to Mt. Vernon, it was the first weekend since summer that we could spend more than just a quick weekend in Ohio visiting the grandparents and other relatives.  Then when I was at ISU, it was the weekend that I could relax a bit from studying and enjoy some free time.  When I started to teach, there were two Thanksgivings when I left after school on Wednesday, drove to Wooster, then drove the next day to Grandma's for the big family dinner.  Shopping with Greta was always the norm for Friday (before it became Black Friday).  When I met Gary, things changed once again.  Thanksgiving 1975 was the first time I met Uncle Jim and Aunt Catherine, Aunt Katie, and I got to know Auntie Ann and Uncle Bud more.  It was also the first holiday I had spent away from MY family plus there was a blizzard that morning which scared me because I thought I would spend my favorite holiday alone!

Over the years with the girls growing up we always spent the night before Thanksgiving cooking and baking.  The next day we watched the Macys Parade before heading to The Farm for the big family dinner.  In 2006 Gary and I hosted our first Siemens Family Thanksgiving at our house, changing it up a bit to a sit-down dinner.  One year Mike, Angie, and Nick went to NYC, one year we went to Disney World, and last year I had pneumonia. Otherwise we have all been together for the big feast.

This year things have changed once again.  Since Leo  died on March 31 and Agnes on November 10, our plans have taken a different direction.  For probably the last time we will gather at The Farm for the noon meal.  Our menu will once again include goulash, which for me is NOT Thanksgiving fare, but for the Siemens clan is a classic dish for every holiday.  Amy and Sarah will clean (with my supervision) on Tuesday. Mike, Angie, and Nick with arrive from Kansas on Wednesday evening.  Nineteen of us (Blaine has to work) will be at the house for Thanksgiving dinner.  Agnes won't be making deviled eggs or pumpkin pies or bringing the relish tray.  Leo won't be in the kitchen checking out the food well before the time of the meal.  Agnes won't be bustling around the kitchen, supervising.

Other things will change also.  Tables will be set up in the living room so we can all eat together.   Instead of the ladies receiving new identical ornaments from me, we will look at the box of ornaments from the family tree and each take a few to decorate our own.  

Even though we will try to make Thanksgiving the great holiday that it is, there will be a void that can't be filled.  Holidays are hard after a death in the family.  This one will be especially difficult after losing both Mom and Dad, and losing Mom so recently makes the hurt more intense.

Many memories from Thanksgivings past. More memories to make with Thanksgiving present.

We can do this. 

I need to try harder....

I just opened another batch of sympathy cards, most with handwritten messages, and will add them to the growing stack on the dining room table.  Friends/colleagues from Ivy Tech, friends/colleagues from West Central, members of our church family, neighbors, friends, relatives.....so many have expressed their sadness for our loss of Gary's mother.  One of my friends from Dotti's (a weight loss forum that I participate in) sent a card and a hand-tatted angel holding a heart.  What a sweet remembrance! 

Plus the outpouring of love and friendship from those who came to the funeral home either for the visitation or the funeral or both....those who brought food to the house....those who sent flowers and remembrances.....those who brought snacks to the funeral home so we would have sustenance during the long evening....Sally and Laurel and those who furnished food for the funeral lunch...and Jim, who was with Agnes on her last day and came to the house within soon after she took her last breath so he could pray with us and comfort us.

While we are so thankful and grateful, I can reflect and see how inadequate I am as a friend and neighbor.  I send cards, but since Gary doesn't like to go to funeral homes, we rarely pay our respects to the deceased and their families.  We should.  While I have made several desserts for funeral lunches, I have not helped Sally with one.  My teaching schedule didn't allow it before, but I can help now.  I am not sure what I would have done if Becky hadn't been texting with me several times during the last weeks when I needed some encouragement.  Diane listens so well, even though I knew I repeated things to her several times.  Kathy called this afternoon just to check and see how I was doing.  

Am I as good of a friend and neighbor and church family member as they have been?  I don't think so.  I have always been busy with grading or running to Logansport to teach or some other thing that gets in the way.  

I do need to try harder.  I need to reach out more often to friends and neighbors to help when they need a meal or someone to listen or just to 'be there.'  Instead of letting Gary talk me into not going to the funeral home, I need to insist that we go to pay our respects and remind him of how much we appreciated those who came to express their sympathy when his dad, then his mom died.

Christian love.  Do onto others....  Compassion.  

I do need to try harder.

Part of God's Plan

Timing.

The past few weeks have been challenging, sad, full of memories, family gatherings, and many tears. Through it all there has been evidence of God's plan.  Really.

Agnes and Leo were married for 66 years and they did just about everything together.  After his death in March and her battle with bladder cancer, we knew that she wanted to be with him again, 

Leo died on Thursday, March 31. Agnes called Gary at 5:45 a.m. to tell him she couldn't wake up his dad in the recliner. 

Agnes died on Thursday, November 10, at 6:05 a.m. In the hospital bed which was positioned across the room from Leo's recliner.

Same day of the week.  Same time frame.  Three feet from each other in the same room.

Both visitations were on Monday.  Both funerals were on a Tuesday.

Timing. 

The casket she liked for Leo the kids also picked for her, so they are buried in identical caskets. 

Same pall bearers.  Jim preached both funeral messages.  Our ladies group served lunches for both. 

Agnes told Karen after Leo's death that she wanted to be buried in the dress she wore for Karen and Clay's wedding 10 years earlier.  We were not sure where it was, but we had time to locate it.  When Karen walked upstairs, the dress was hanging on a door at the top of the stairs. Evidently Agnes had made her way upstairs, found the dress, and had hung it on the door so it would be easy to find. 

November 14 was the date for the court to decide whether to move Owen a step closer to being adopted.  The previous date in September had been cancelled because neither birth parent appeared for the hearing. A couple of weeks before Agnes died, Hilary and Blaine were notified that the November 14 date was cancelled and the new date was set for sometime in Januray. They were upset, understandably so.  However, if it hadn't been moved, Hilary and Blaine would have had to ask for a change due to the visitation be in the same day. It was definitely better for them not to ask for the court date to be changed. It had already been done. 

And finally...my retirement.  During the last 10 days of her life, Agnes needed someone with her 24 hours a day.  Sandy was working.  Karen was working. Gary was in the field.  But I wasn't working.  I could be with her.  I could meet with the hospice entrance nurse and the social worker.  I could talk with the nurses who visited.  I could assist the CNA who came to bathe her and help her feel fresh and rejuvenated. I could fix strawberry milkshakes, freshen iced water, and find fresh clothing when she needed it. Several friends mentioned that God had a way of seamlessly easing me into retirement so He could use me to help my dear sweet mother-in-law during her last days on earth. 

Timing .  God's plan. Perfect. 

The Mothers Day Card

I found a Mother's Day card in the secretary.  I knew it was there.  I had seen it earlier this fall when I cleaned out the secretary and re-organized the cards and notepapers and address labels and envelopes.  Mental note - remember to give this to Agnes next Mother's Day.  The card was pink, with red-rimmed flowers, a couple of glued on jewels, and a nice sentiment about Love, Kindness, and Caring.  Perfect.

This morning I was thinking of what I could add to the drawer in her casket.  Ah ha!  The Mother's Day card!  I could write a note to include and it would be perfect.

So that I did.  I won't include the letter here, but I will re-cap the contents.  It is organized  - big surprise since I am all about organization when writing (even though I sometimes stray from my plan).  Four points of thanks.  #1 - accepting me into the family as the first daughter-in-law.  I was the first one to break into that tight group of 6.  I remember thinking about how close they were, and how close they all remain, and how different it was with my own family.  But from day 1, I was accepted.

#2 - her role of grandmother  What would I have done without her to take care of Megan, then Hilary, when Gary was harvesting or planting?  They were with their dad at home during the winter and times when he couldn't be in the field, but they spent a lot of time with Grandma, both before they entered school and after.  Since we maintained a Medaryville address so we could be in the school district, Deb stopped for them on the bus route.  Going to Grandma's was always the norm for days when our schedules included piano lessons, 4-H meetings, VBS, or swim lessons and there just wasn't enough time to run home and back again.  Plus she taught them great songs and how to bake with yeast.

#3 - being Gary's mother  She raised him to be a great husband, whether she realized it or not.  He helps around the house, can cook (sometimes better than I do), and is honest, responsible, loyal, and solid in his values and morals.  That comes from how he was raised.

#4 - loving me like her own daughter.  As I was thinking about everything, I realized that she went with me to select my wedding dress, not my own mother.  She helped me with planning the wedding, not my own mother.  She did so many things for me that my own mother should have done, but didn't. Plus she just told me last week how much she loved me and appreciated everything I had done for her.

Even though it sounds like something everyone always says at times like this, she is now peaceful, she is not suffering from the bladder cancer and its effects, and she is with Leo again.  She missed him so much and just wanted to be with him.

Another thing - at the very end of the letter I asked her to give a hug to Dad and to be sure to tell him all about the great-grandchildren they share.  Now I know that the kids have three great-grandparents watching over them!

Love you, Mom!  Be at peace!  'Till we meet again.......

Election Day 2016

My first election was in 1972.  Dad and I went to vote at the Parkett Restaurant in Mt. Vernon.  I felt so proud as I cast my first ballot.  I was an American citizen, exercising my right, my duty to vote.  My dad was a veteran of World War II, served on the USS Eldridge, a destroyer escort.  He is the most patriotic man I have ever known. 

Even though the Hendersons and the Ritchies (Mom's family) were, for the most part, registered Republicans (Uncle Dean was a registered Democrat), Dad always stressed splitting the ticket.  He would examine the issues, educate himself of the stance of the candidates, and vote for the person who he thought could represent his views the best.  He voted in each and every election, primaries in May and general elections in November.  He was proud that he never missed using his right to vote. 

In some ways I wish Dad were still alive so that we could discuss the candidates this year.  But in some ways I am glad that he is not here to see the mess that this election has become.   

While I know that social media is not a true indication of how votes may go or the general public opinion (since it is based on our own circle of 'friends'), there seems to be an overwhelming consensus that this election has been a poor representation of our country and its values.  Negativity.  Mud-slinging.  Accusations.  Emails.  Tax returns.  Tapes from 11 years ago.  Secrecy.  Foundations with money from other countries.  Insults.  And it isn't just at the national level.  The same negativity has permeated many of the state races, the senate and house seats, and even has seeped into some local contests.

The overwhelming feeling, however, is that no matter who is elected as our next President, the citizens of the United States must work together for peace among us.  We must show love for our neighbors, kindness for others, and moderation in our arguments.  Most of all we must not allow our differences in opinion concerning the political race seep into our personal lives, our relationships within our families, and our friendships. 

Tonight while some are closely watching the news or the channels covering the election returns, Gary and I are watching reruns of Andy Griffith.  Since this is our first night home in several after staying with his mom during her illness, we are ready for mindless television, something to watch where the biggest conflict is trying to keep Earnest T. Bass from marrying Charlene Darling.   I noticed several facebook posts where friends have declared a movie night, or going to dinner, or playing board games with the family rather than watching television tonight.  Family.  Friends.  Anything away for the angry politics and more speculation on fraud and exit polls and projections of red states and blue states.

Whatever happens, whoever is elected, we must remember that our freedoms are important, precious, and sacred. Our forefathers fought and sacrificed so that we can enjoy the right to vote.  We did today.  We will again in four years.   Hopefully the next election will be calmer and not as nasty as this one has been.

Mish-mash on Monday

I am sitting in the living room , watching Fox News, watching Agnes sleeping, waiting for the hospice nurse to visit,

Yesterday was a tough day for Gary.  Taking care of his mom was stressful.  The man who was combining soybeans for us drove the combine into a sunken tile hole and was stuck.  I was watching the kids during Hilary's two photo shoots.  Lots of juggling people and distance and time, but we survived.

Last night was stressful as well. Today brought a broken belt on our combine plus my being by myself with Agnes.  I am glad I can help, but being alone with her makes me nervous.  I don't like being the person to decide on her care by myself.

So as I am sitting here, waiting for hospice and watching Fox, these are my thoughts.

*this election can't be over soon enough.  No matter who is elected, people will be upset and predict gloom and doom for themselves and our country.  Can so much angry division ever evolve into peaceful unity?

*weather...I just saw a "this many years ago there was a blizzard...." And thought about how blessed we are with good weather right now.  We can be here with Agnes and not worry about how we will get home, whether our furnace is working or not, or if we will have enough food.  We don't have to be concerned about hospice coming here if needed. Plus there is a huge savings to our expenses when the furnace is not running.

*i started a new OBS this morning called Wait and See.  How timely is this?  From the intro and the first chapter of the book, plus the study questions I have completed, I know that I need to focus my prayers on comfort for Agnes, peace to face the events of the next few weeks, and the fortitude to make the most of the time we have together.  The nurse stressed talking, sharing stories, but that is hard for her to do.  So I am just sitting, anticipating her needs for strawberry milkshakes and cold water.

*harvest-I just want Gary to be finished.  This has been a hard harvest for several reasons...first one without his dad, machinery breakdowns, wet beans, rain, and now caring for his mom.  He needs to be in the house, but I can help by being here when he can't be.  Mark has offered his help, but Gary still doesn't want to ask him  to help with the last field. Pride?  Maybe.  He is always offering to help others, but he doesn't want to ask for help himself. This isn't exactly the ending he wanted for the season or for his farming career.

*i took a walk this morning, about 15 minutes down the road to the south and back.  It felt good to get outside, breathe some fresh air, and move my legs.  My Fitbit was happy since the walk overlapped two hours and I was able to track 250 steps in each hour. A beautiful day. Warm sunshine. Crisp air.

It always helps to remember the blessings.  The good things.  Even in the midst of sadness, God wraps His arms around us and leads us through.  Sometimes it is hard to remember that.

Then there is Mom.....

While we are struggling with Agnes, Gary's mom, and trying to make her comfortable in the last stages of her battle with bladder cancer, my mom has a bad heart valve.

This is serious.  The valve is not working properly, and it is hindered the flow of blood.  This faulty valve caused the heart attack(s) last week.  There could be more heart attacks, and one of those could be fatal.  The cardiologist predicted that if the valve is not replaced, Mom will die within the next year.  Mom has been told this.

Several things have happened in the last few days that are just unsettling and mind-boggling.

One is....she was given medication to take every night before bed.  When the discharge nurse explained this, Mom said she didn't take medicine at night and wouldn't start now.  The nurse explained.  Mom protested.  Mom continued to talk (like she always does) and didn't listen to the nurse at all (and she has problems hearing which compounds the problem).  The nurse asked her to stop talking and listen to her. Mom continued to talk and protest.  On Monday Kent and Greta bought her a new pill caddy with the time splits, picked up her new meds, and arranged them so she would know which ones to take and when.  She refused to take the ones at night.  She doesn't take medicine at night, only in the morning. Kent was upset and frustrated with her (which doesn't happen very often).

Yesterday when Kent and Greta picked her up for the appointment at Canton Aultman, she had not taken her nightly meds.  The pills were still in the pill caddy.  She doesn't take meds at night, remember? Only in the morning.

Now I just don't understand that.  I am one who mentally records the time I take Tylenol to be sure I don't take another dose too early.  I am the one who keeps my two pill reminder boxes filled and checks them several times a day to be sure I didn't miss a dose. I finish medicine to the end, even when I feel better.  When Dr. Oletjen told me to take a smaller dose of one med in the evening with my Xeralto, that is what I do.

Another thing is something I heard of the conference call and Greta and Kent picked up on also.  The cardiologist said that he needs to be sure that the patient has a zest of living, a love of life, and reasons to have the surgery.  He asked Mom how she felt about 'living life,' if she enjoyed it, and what was important to her.  Her response was that oh yes, she had an active life.  She enjoyed her books, her reading of newspapers.  She was active and did yard work, working with her flowers, cooked for herself all the time.  Yes, she enjoyed having her things around her so that her life was full.  Of course my first thought was that she cooks with the microwave, will say that she nibbled on a few crackers for dinner, and the most 'yard work' she does is to criticize the lawn service for mowing off her hostas.  She can barely walk to the mailbox for her mail and the newspaper, and that is about the only time she goes outside.

You know, when people ask me about my retirement, I always tell them I want to spend more time with my grandchildren and helping out Gary's mom, being with Gary in the combine, doing things with my family, sewing quilts for them, traveling with them, being with them.

Not Mom.  She wants her books.  She loves her house.  She creates the picture of how busy and active she is at her house by herself.  There was no mention of wanting to spend time with her daughters, her sons-in-law, her granddaughters and their husbands, or her grandchildren.  No.  Just her books and her other things in her house.  Those are what are important to her.

I have been thinking about this week.  Gary and I have spent so much time with his mom, arranging for hospice care, taking care of her needs, washing soiled clothes and sheets, fixing her strawberry milkshakes which is the only thing that tastes good to her and that she can keep down.  She still has a sparkle in her eye, a good grip when she squeezes my hand, and a love for all of us (because she is always telling us how much she loves us). She wants to see her great-grandchildren (Cooper visited her last night; Landon, Tessa, and Owen will be there tonight).

You, know, if taking pills at night would be all that was needed to make her better and give her more time with her family, my dear sweet dying mother-in-law would jump at that chance.  The four kids mean everything to her and definitely perk her up each time they visit.

Then there is Mom.  She won't take her medicine.  She has had this heart valve issues for 40 years (according to the records the doctor looked at), but she never told us.  It has always been obvious that her things are more important to her than her family. She doesn't care whether she sees us or not.  She never calls, never writes a note, never asks about any of us.

Yes.. then there is Mom. 

A son's love

My husband is a good man.  He is compassionate.  He is helpful.  He has good firm morals and values, compatible with my own.

His momma raised him well.  He had chores around the house, starting when he was very young and ending when he was old enough to drive a tractor.  Storiesare re-told  about the hierarchy of household chores and how they were assigned and re-assigned to the three children (notice I did not say four because the older ones said Mike somehow never had to dust, clean the bathroom, or run the sweeper). They were taught to take care of themselves and cooked meals and kept clothes clean.

We have been married 40 years.  You always hear about how women can tough it out through any illness while men take to their beds for a runny nose.  Well it is just the opposite for us.  I am a terrible patient, but Gary always takes care of me, no matter what.  From taking care of meal prep and bringing me another box of tissues to helping me with personal cleanliness while I was in the hospital after knee replacement surgery (maybe TMI?), he takes care of me.

When the girls were little, he was their best caregiver.  Since he was home with them when he wasn't planting or harvesting and while I was teaching, he could wipe noses, calm stomach aches, and fix chicken soup.  It is commonly known in our family that if I see puke (sorry, another TMI?), or even hear someone wretching, I will also begin to gag and lose the contents of my stomach.  So Dad was the designated head holder and had  clean up detail.  He even cleaned out Megan's car when her friend Becky lost her lunch after a weekend visit.

But the most tender act of love I have witnessed recently has been in caring for his mother. He lifts her out of bed.  He moves her into the wheelchair or walks with her into the bathroom.  He helps her take care of her personal hygiene and dispenses of the Depends.  He helps her change out of her soiled pants and top and assists her in putting her head and arms into a fresh top and helps her pull on new sweatpants over a fresh Depends.  Today as she struggled to rise from the portable raised toilet seat, he gently repeated, "Just put your arms around my neck, Ma, and hold on. I've got you." As I watched, I was reminded of the mother/son dance I witnessed 40 years ago, as he spun her around the dance floor at our wedding reception.  Today there was no spinning.  There was just tenderness.

When we tucked her into the hospital bed which I had arranged with clean sheets, a fresh chux, and a new pillow, she cried and said how sorry she was that he had to do this for her, that she had to put him through this.  As he leaned over her and told her that it wasn't a problem, that she had taken care of him when he was a baby, she cried.  She said , "but I did that because I loved you and that is what I had to do..take care of you."  He replied, "and that is why I am here to help you..." And I heard the tears in his voice.

I have loved Gary for 41 years.  He takes care of me without complaint.  My heart melted each time I saw the tenderness of a father's love for his daughters.  I smile when I see his unconditional love for Landon, Tessa, Cooper, and Owen.

But my heart is full of love for this son who is tenderly caring for his mother as she is dying.

Is there a greater love on this earth than that between a mother and her son?

and they lived happily ever after....

One of the things I learned the past few days was the story of the marriage of my in-laws.

I knew how they met.  I knew that Leo had spotted Agnes as she walked to school and wondered who that pretty girl was, where she lived, and announced he was going to marry her.

I knew that she never really had a home until they were married and that they lived in the same house for all 66 years of their married life together.

What I didn't know was how they got married...and I heard the story twice this week. Once to the registration nurse and once to Lisa, who will be Agnes' nurse during her time with hospice.

Agnes was Catholic.  Leo was Lutheran.  Now today we know that the two are very closely related, but 67 years ago they were considered to be extremely different.  Catholics must marry Catholics.

Grandpa Siemens gave his permission for them to marry because at that time Leo was not yet 21 and the law required the groom to be that age and permission was needed.  So he knew what was planned.

Agnes told Aunt Katie that they were going to visit her mother.  Agnes laughed during this part of the story because we knew that her mother was not a part of her life.  When her father died when Agnes was very young, her mother was more interested in her boyfriends than in her children and Agnes was sent to various orphanages until she lived with aunt Katie when she was in high school.

Instead of visiting her mother, they drove to Logansport and met her sister Madeline and her husband George.  They had made arrangements with their minister to meet and Leo and Agnes would be married.

When they reuturned home, her family was not very happy with her because she didn't marry a Catholic.  They were told the marriage was doomed and would never last.

She smiled when she said that, and with a little laugh she said, "But it did!  And for 66 years!  And we had four wonderful children too!"

And they lived happily ever after!  What a love story!

Hospice

When Dad was battling mesothelioma seven years ago, hospice was called to help him with his needs during the final months of his life.  I learned about the process second hand since I was in Indiana and knew what Greta told me.  Gary and I were there when Dad died, and I found the caring compassion of the hospice nurse who came to assist us the morning of his death to be very comforting and efficient.

We now are experiencing hospice firsthand with Agnes, Gary's mother.  After the last hospitalization over the weekend, the doctor recommended that we help her be as comfortable as possible and suggested calling hospice.  The nurse helping us found Jasper County Hospice was available for our area, and the process began.

Over the last two days we have been visited by the entrance nurse, the nurse assigned to Agnes, and the case worker.  The emphasis is on keeping Agnes comfortable.  There will be no more visits to Dr. Regan. There will be no more CT scans.  There will be no more scooping out of the tumors.  Comfort is the focus.

After the visits of the two nurses, they agreed that she needs round the clock care,and more than what we can give her.  Much as we want to help her and care for her, there are limitations, or as Toni, the case worker  said, life.  There are times when I need to take care of the kiddos.  I will need to go to Ohio for mom's valve replacement procedure. Gary is still harvesting soybeans.. Karen works at the bank and has a home to care for.  Sandy isn't available to help.  Mike is in Kansas.

Transfer to a nursing home is being considered.  Medicaid application will be necessary.  Tough decisions are needed.

But through it all, hospice will be with us to help, to answer questions, to support our decisions, to reassure us that our decisions are good ones, and mainly to help Agnes remain comfortable and attend to her needs in her final stages of life.

What a blessing they are and will continue to be.