The Day After

It's the day after Christmas.

In years past, such as when the girls were little and even when they were in college, I loved the day after Christmas.  Often Gary had to deliver the mail, and we were home by ourselves.

But the quiet, the stay-in-pajamas all day feeling was superb.

I usually love Christmas, but the hustle and bustle becomes overbearing at times.  When I was teaching, there were always papers to grade, semester grades to record, and plans to be made for the return after the holidays.  Then there was always the shopping, wrapping, card-sending frenzy.  Throw in practices for Christmas programs at church, Christmas programs at school, and when Hilary was in high school, practices and basketball games, and even after she graduated when Gary was coaching and I was keeping the scorebook...and there was just no time for anything else.

So I liked the day after.  It was quiet.  The presents had been given and unwrapped. Leftovers were the menu items for the day.  No demands on anyone (unless there was a practice or a tourney game).  The only thing that might demand our attention was Gary delivering the mail,

Today was kind of like that, without M and H being kids and without the mail route, and in a different house.  There were no papers to grade and semester grades to record.  The festivities were over for another year.

But today just felt different to me.

Actually the entire Christmas season has felt different to me.

Christmas Eve 2019

This has seemed like a strange Christmas season for me.

Why?

Not sure.

I think I am more aware, for one thing, of the brevity of life.  My good friend Susan died in August, and her family is adjusting to a holiday season without her.

Since our 50th class reunion in October, two of our classmates have died, one of brain cancer, and his families are grieving.

Gary was sick in June, and I was scared, so scared, that he was going to die.  I don't want to lose him.  I don't want to have to do this life without him.  It scared me to the point that I ached everywhere and could barely function.  I keep thinking of that.  And I know...he IS still here.  He IS with us.  I should be counting my blessings and enjoying this time together. 

But that nagging thought is still in the back of my mind.

Then there are the people from 'home' that have died recently.  People we knew well.  Steve Fulmer.  Bob Meyer.  Gerald Kruger.   Roger Cummings.  All of their families have said goodbye to them in the last 6 weeks and are managing to go through the holidays without them.

I mentioned the strange mood to Gary, who just doesn't understand, and he told me that all of us were still here, and to stop thinking of things that hadn't happened; I was ruining not only my holiday season but his and the girls' seasons as well because I was crying and moping around.

True.

I need to focus on these things, and maybe if I write about them, it will help re-direct my thoughts.

Mary and Joseph and the Christ Child.  My favorite Christmas song is "Mary, Did You Know?" that Mark Lowry wrote and sings so beautifully.  When I listen to that song, my focus is definitely on the birth of Jesus, his parents not having a room at the Inn, and how miraculous His birth really was.

I need to focus on family.  We are the hosts of the family Christmas now.  As I am typing this, Angie has come to the family room to ask a couple of questions.  They arrived on Sunday evening and will leave for home tomorrow morning so they can prepare for the Hunt Sisters Christmas that they are hosting over next weekend.

We hosted our girls and their families on Sunday and I spent most of the day crying and feeling sad.  Why?  The things mentioned above, and the feeling that somehow we weren't measuring up to what was expected.

Why do I feel  like that?  I am not sure, but I try to buy gifts that the kids want, that they need, and that they will enjoy.  I try to keep track of how much is spent so that all of the recipients are even.  Sometimes the bigger ticket items look small, and I am not sure that the recipients realize that.  Maybe they do, but sometimes I feel like the comparison mode is on when presents are being opened.  I told Gary the other day that I feel like just buying a set of gift cards and giving everyone the same amount and just be done with it.  Then no complaints, no comparisons, no feelings of  'he/she got more than I did.'  But that would eliminate the fun of seeing the kids open presents and squeal with delight about what was hidden under that paper.  Listening to Landon be so excited with his metal detector.  Hearing Cooper yell with glee about the cleaning set.  Seeing Lynnlee plop herself in her chair and pull her Minnie Mouse blanket around her while holding her Fancy Nancy doll.  Watching Tessa play with her kitchen for her American Girl dolls.  Owen chasing his bulldozer around the living room.  Walking down the steps and seeing Matt, Megan, Hilary, and Blaine working together to construct the new basketball game in the family room.  Listening to the squeals of joy when baskets are made and the thumps against the wall and the closet door.

All of those things make this worth it.  All of these things should make me feel blessed that we can celebrate together, that we have the means to buy gifts for our family, that Blaine didn't have to work (or go to work or come from work) so that we can all celebrate together.

My attitude needs adjustment.  It really does.

So many people are without the means to buy any gifts at all.

So many people have lost loved ones over the last year and are grieving, especially when families gather and there are empty seats.

So many people have family serving in the military and they can't be here for the holidays.

Others have family members who are sick and in the hospitals or nursing homes and life will never be the same for them again.

So....time to get my head in the right place, Beth.

My family will be gathering here this afternoon.  There will be 22 of us.  All of us have stockings hung.  All of us will open gifts.  All of us will enjoy food (another thing to remember because many peopke are hungry).  All of us have warm homes to return to  (and some people do not because they can't pay their bills or are homeless). 

There are so many things to be thankful for and I need to remember that.  Each.  Moment.  Of.  Today.

It's Christmas.

We are family.

We will be here together.

That is what is important.

And even more important is that Christ was born, in a manger, to the virgin Mary and Joseph.

Merry Christmas Eve!

Blackberry Brandy

When I was at Lindsey's shop in Francesville yesterday for a hair cut and color/highlighting, I was talking to the mother of three of my former students, Donna.  As we chatted, I coughed a few times, and she commented that it sounded like I had had a touch of bronchitis.

I told her that the coughing had come and gone over the last two weeks, sometimes disappearing and sometimes hitting me full force.  I was resisting going to Urgent Care; rather, I was treating myself by taking lots of Mucinex and emptying a bottle of Robitussin.

She told me that when she and her husband had been hit with bronchitis and severe coughing fits a few years ago, they had an appointment with an ENT.  They asked him for a recommendation on over the counter medications to treat the cough, especially. His response?  Blackberry brandy.

The trick is to pour a shot of brandy, then sip it and let it trickle down into the throat and coat it.  While there are several flavors of brandy, such as peach, apricot, apple, and vanilla, as well as plain brandy, the blackberry is the one which works because of the anti-oxidants contained in the blackberries.

It is worth a shot, right? (catch the pun there?)  Gary and I checked at Walmart yesterday when we were there to pick up a gift for Lynnlee.  Then we stopped at Meijer and looked at their liquor section, which offered the other flavors of brandy but no blackberry.

On to the liquor store in Rossville.  It was a quick stop.  The person working had never heard of blackberry brandy.  Another stop at the CVS to check out their shelves. Nothing.

Back to Lafayette again.  We found a liquor store in the plaza where the Weight Watchers meetings are held, close to the Enterprise Car Rentals on Creasy.  Gary walked in and asked for blackberry brandy and walked out with a small bottle.

Last night I poured a shot, took a couple sips, then poured it into a small glass and added some Sprite Zero.  I sipped it while sitting at the island, looking at FB and checking out some other things on my phone.

I didn't cough through the night, and while I have coughed a few times today, there have been no gut-wrenching, endless hacks as there had been. 

I think it worked.  Before I go to bed, I will pour another shot, sip it, add some Sprite Zero, and hope the coughing vanished in a day or two.

Who knew?  Blackberry brandy!

Hallmark Movies

I have never been one to sit and watch the Hallmark movies for the holidays.  I rarely watch the Hallmark channel ever anyway, let alone get too excited about the movies that come out during the holiday season.

Others do.  I know.  I have heard people talking.  I have seen the FB posts.  I have heard that entire afternoons, evenings, and sometimes weekends are devoted to the Hallmark movies at Christmas time.

But not me.  No way, Jose.

Until today.

I have spent the day in the family room, working on catching up on the Advent devotions, the daily devotions, and the intent was to finish the OBS on Max Lucado's book about Bethlehem, but that didn't happen.

Instead after lunch I focused on another throw.  I wanted to lay it out on the floor and let the edges relax since they tend to curl.

As I worked on the floor, the television seemed like good company for the afternoon of my crawling around on the floor, cutting squares in the corners, slashes 1" apart around the permeter, then tying the strips together.  I usually watch the Game Show Network, but when I turned to that channel, the LEAST favorite of all of the game shows I ever watch was one and that didn't seem too feasible for the afternoon entertainment.

So I found the Hallmark Channel.  After all, working on Christmas gifts and all....it seemed like a good idea to watch Christmas movies.

I came in at the end of one about a single mom and a guy who was looking for something meaningful in his life after quitting a job in the city so selling Christmas trees in a lot with an older man who had lost his wife seemed like a great idea.  I knew the single mom and the guy were going to get together and I knew that they would come up with an idea to help out the old guy and guess what?  They did!

The next one was about a gal who was a lawyer in New York City.. She was up for a promotion and had worked really hard in the firm.  When she went home for Christmas, she met.....a guy who was a few years ahead of her in high school.  You know there was instant attraction, and you know that their family had to be rivals in the business world.  In this case it was each family had a local inn and a larger resort was trying to buy up all of property and run them out of business.  I KNEW the guy and the gal would get together and I KNEW she would get the promotion and decide to turn it down so she could stay there and be with her family and this guy.  And I knew that they would work together to eliminated the feud between their families.  I taught Romeo and Juliet and West Side Story.  I know how these things work.  And it all happened as I thought it would. 

But this next one?  I finished the throw and I am working on doing some online ordering.  I haven't really been watching the screen, but I can hear the dialogue.  I am not sure what it is but the main female character's voice is driving me nuts.  It is shrieky and high-pitched, and I just can't stand it.  She also is a choir director, and when she directs the students (or whatever they are), she barely moves her hands and is the worst director I have ever seen.  At least she is not like any I have witnessed during music programs.  THEN....she began to sing and that was like fingers grating on a chalkboard (old fashioned analogy because classroom do not have chalkboards but white boards instead and fingers would never scrape across those). 


Before I could change the channel, Gary came downstairs and I told him I just couldn't stand another minute of that movie, so I am back to the Game Show Network and watching Cash Cab.  Much better than that grating shrill voice!

A few more tasks to complete, then dinner time.  I would LOVE to work on another throw, but I think my knees need a rest.  Back to it again tomorrow and who knows?  Maybe another Hallmark Christmas Movie!

One of these days I will see clearly again

Cataract surgery on the right eye is over!  And one of these days I will be able to see clearly again!

You know, not being able to see really hampers one's activity.

I am probably not telling you something that you didn't already know.

I realize too that some people are hampered by more permanent maladies, such as being extremely vision impaired, needing severely corrective lenses, having a glass eye as a friend of mine in Chicago does, or being declared legally blind in one or both eyes.

I am fortunate.  I am also a wimp when it comes to things just not being right with me.  And thirdly, I don't realize and appreciate how blessed I really am. Yes, you can nod your head in agreement with that one. 

Yesterday's cataract surgery was a little 'off' routine in that after the prep work was completed, the nurse said that she had to keep me on 'gen power' for a while longer.  Excuse me?

Yes, the out-patient surgery center had no power and was running on generators  It wasn't said, but I would assume that surgical procedures would not be done with just generator power because if it failed, then what would the back-up be and what would happen if Dr. Larew were in the middle of replacing a lens in my eye and the power disappeared?  Big trouble for me!  Big trouble for him! Lawsuits galore for the hospital!  So we waited.

Otherwise the procedure was routine and went well.  While it seemed to take forever, maybe because some of the sedative had worn off during the wait, Gary and Megan said it really took very little time to complete the procedure.  I was away from them for maybe 15 minutes and that was it.

Most of yesterday I slept, mainly because I had slept very little the night before but also because I couldn't see anything out of my right eye and it seemed best just to rest it by keeping it closed.

Relaxing, watching game shows, napping---those were the words of the day for me.

Now this morning, at 5 a,m. I am wide awake, tired of lying down, and sitting in the recliner by the Christmas tree.

Later this morning we will see Dr. Larew for the first follow up and a check on the other eye, then it will be a return to business as usual.

I am excited about being able to see again.  The vision in the left eye has improved so much that I can see colors more vividly and objects are much more distinct.  I can only imagine what it will be like when BOTH eyes are showing me those vivid colors and distinct shapes. 

For someone who has worn glasses since probably 3rd or 4th grade, whose vision has gone from being near-sighted to leaning more toward far-sightedness, who has dealt with astigmatism and bi-focals, it will be interesting to see what is in store as far as glasses are concerned.

Maybe the eye strain when I am sewing will vanish.  Maybe I will be able to read more easily now.  Maybe I won't need to strain when I am riding in the car and can't see far ahead of me, which is troublesome in unfamiliar areas.

Maybe the switch from working on the computer to seeing things in regular daily life with be a quicker adjustment now.

One thing is for sure, however.  I am looking forward to being able to just see again.

Then I can burst into song (maybe) "I can see clearly now....."

We Have Juice!

Wiring is interesting.

Our old house was just that....old.  It was an old farmhouse.  We had re-done the two larger rooms downstairs- the family room and the living room and had installed more outlets.  But the kitchen/dining room and the upstairs were deficient in outlets.

One thing that I was excited about when we moved into the new house was the number of outlets and light switches.  Who ever would have guessed that I would be that excited about outlets?  But I was!  More outlets in the living room and family room.  More outlets in the bedrooms.  More outlets in the sewing room.  More outlets in the kitchen and dining room.  But the upstairs bathroom was a mystery.  Only one, just one outlet in the bathroom by the sink and none anywhere else in the bathroom area.  No other in the room with the sink and toilet.  No outlet in the area with the shower.  Just a light switch which controlled the ceiling light.

Imagine my distress when I showered upstairs, plugged in the hair dryer in the ONLY outlet in the bathroom, and the dryer wouldn't work.  What???  The dryer wouldn't work.  I took the dryer downstairs and plugged it into the outlet by the sink.  It wouldn't work.  I tried the outlet on the little wall by the toilet.  Voila!  Power!

For over a year I have been showering upstairs, then going to the main floor bathroom to dry my hair.  An alternative plan is to sit on the bed and plug the hair dryer into the outlet next to my dresser, then stretch the dryer around to the left side of my head and lean, trying to see in the mirror to fluff.  That doesn't work well.

On a side note, we discovered that the lamp by the front door is controlled by the switch by the front door.  The lamp and the front porch light cannot be on at the same time, just one or the other.  The two switches are next to each other and there is alternating current with them, I guess.  Also the lamp on the table in the entry way is plugged into an outlet which on on the wall by the closet.  We haven't figured out exactly how that works but sometimes the lamp will be lit; sometimes it won't be lit.  It depends on whether the other two switches by the door are up or down and if the lamp on the table is on or off.  Sometimes both lamps will be on; sometimes just one.  Not sure of the rhyme or reason for that one yet.

A few weeks ago when Blaine was installing the new blinds in the spare bedrooms, Hilary turned on the hanging lamp in the futon room and it wouldn't light.  It had been lit.  It just wouldn't light that evening.  Gary investigatged, and sure enough, the outlets on the south wall of the two bedrooms upstairs are controlled by one of the light switches on the wall by the front door.  If the porch light is on, the outlets will not work.  If the porch light is off, the outlets will work.

Which brings us to the bathroom/hair dryer issue.  Sunday when Blaine and Landon came in to chat after doing the chores, I asked Blaine what it would take to fix the outlet in the bathroom so I could dry my hair there.  He went up to check.  When he plugged in the dryer and turned it on, it worked!  What????  It worked in both plug ins in that outlet.  He turned on the bathroom light.  The dryer worked.  He asked me to turn on the light in the shower area.  The dryer would not work.   The outlet by the sink is controlled by the outlet for the light in the shower area.

Which led us to the mystery about the outlet in the main  floor bathroom.  There is a set of switches in the entry way from the garage.  One controls the light in that area.  The other controls...nothing.  Gary plugged in the hair dryer, and it didn't work.   Switched on the extra switch in the entryway?  The dryer works!

I am not sure who wired this house or why it was wired the way it was.  Totally confusing.

I wonder what other things we will find that work---or don't---or will if a certain switch is flipped...or not.

Insomnia- You are NOT my friend.

Last night I went to bed at a normal time.

I played on Happy Color app for a bit, but my eyes were heavy and I finally stopped before the drawing was finished.

I quickly fell asleep. probably around 10:30 or so.

But then.....I was awakened at 12:30 by Gary shifting the blankets and the sheet, clicking on the remote (which I can't hear, but the tv screen lights up the room), and his moving around trying to be comfortable.

I tried to go to sleep again.  I really did.  Eventually he clicked off the tv, turned over, and he was gone.

But I was still awake. 

I tossed.

I turned.

I shifted from one side to the other.

I stretched out my legs.  Then I pulled them up under me.  Then I alternated a straight leg with one pulled up under me.

Nothing work.

I prayed.  Usually that does it for me.  Sorry, God.  But getting into the prayer mode is usually an instant slide into the valley of sleep. Not last night, though.

I kept looking at the clock.  I tried to fluff the pillows.  I prayed more.  I stretched out.  I tried to make my body go limp.  I tried to imagine myself falling into the mattress. 

Nothing worked.

At 3:00 I was up.  I went downstairs.  I turned on the three lights in the kitchen and dining room.

It was time to decorate the small tree in front of the long windows.

This tree was the one that stood in the corner of the living room at the old house, in the corner by the entertainment center and the secretary.  I always decorated it with miniature ornaments for Christmas and usually lit it before Thanksgiving.  I always thought I would just keep it decorated and occasionally light it through the spring and fall, but usually by the end of January, I was tired of it and the winter decor in the house and off the decorations came to go into the cheesebox.

Since we moved to the new house, a perfect spot for the tree was in the corner by the long windows looking out onto the deck. Last year it just seemed fitting to decorate it with cardinals. I had a few cardinals and I had brought a few from Mom's house, but I bought a few new ones just for this tree.  Then I added some small red balls and a red star on the top.  I also found a buffalo check small tree skirt that was perfect for the tree and for the room.

The tree was finished at 5:00 a.m.  Actually the last ornament was placed before that, but I also changed the perpetual calendar by the door since it was December 1 now. I also made a new post on DWLZ so it was ready for the new day, the new week, the new month.

Finally at that point, I felt like I could return to bed and MAYBE get some sleep.

Snuggling into my side of the bed was easy.  Gary was warm and it felt cozy to snuggle up against him.  I don't remember much because I drifted off easily.

The next thing I knew was that it was 6:00 and he was gone. 

Back to sleep I went. 

Finally when I awoke again it was 10:30 and the bathroom door was slightly closed, which is a sign that he had been upstairs checking on me and was trying to keep the noise (what little there probably was from the tv) and the light (from the bathroom window that has no shade( from awaking me.

It worked out ok.  I slept in, and I felt good when I finally woke up.

BUT...

I can't do that on a regular basis.  I don't like NOT sleeping at night.  Maybe if it were the dead of winter and we had nothing to do or nowhere to go I could read and snuggle into the reclner and not be bothered by a few hours of not sleeping.

My schedule has been thrown off all day.  I ate breakfast late, and lunch, and dinner.  My morning meds were taken at 1 which means I need to wait a little while longer for the evening meds which I usually take just after dinner.

I need to sleep tonight too!  I need to go to the Fitness Center in the morning.  I have missed the last two weeks, and I don't want to miss more.  I have paid for it, and I need to be there.

Insomnia.  Stay away from me tonight.  I need some sleep.  I need to be awake in the morning and be able to jump in the shower and start my day.

Stay away.  Go.  Begone!  Get out of here.