Basking in the Glow

This is my favorite part of the Christmas season---the days before. 

Excitement is in the air.  

Anticipation is on the faces of everyone, not just the children.

Decorations abound.  Driving anywhere in the evening finds trees lit up in front windows, blow up decor in front yards (not my favorite thing, but still festive), and lights along rooftops and on fence railings.  

I love it.

Today when Courtney stopped by, our discussion went to some of her students who really dread the breaks from school because being at school gives them stability.  Someone to care for them. Safety.  Warmth.  Food.  A hug from a teacher.

When school dismisses for winter break, those things vanish, and it is even worse at Christmas time because the holiday as I have always known it is just a dream or a total unknown to some of these children.

And I think about people who have no family.

And those who are fighting diseases or need to be hospitalized over the holidays.

And those who have recently lost loved ones.

And those whose spouses or children are serving overseas and cannot be home.

Or those who don't have enough money to buy their children anything besides a few gifts off the $1 shelves at Target or Dollar General.

Or those who may be eating peanut butter and jelly for their Christmas dinners.

Or those who will start drinking on Christmas Eve and not stop until the 26th and verbally or physically abuse family members instead of showering them with gifts. 

Or those who have no idea what the true meaning of Christmas is, just know that whoever this Santa Claus is doesn't know where they live or else they must have been really bad and if we are celebrating someone's birthday who is supposed to love ALL of us, why isn't that love felt?

I am being selfish then because I just want to be me and be with my family and enjoy the 'glow' of the holidays.

I want to focus on my family.  

I want to spend the time with Gary, and Megan and Hilary, and Matt and Blaine, and Landon, Tessa, Cooper, Owen, and Lynnlee.  

I want to remember the true meaning of Christmas.

I want us all to be together and enjoy the holiday season. 

I want to bask in the glow.

 

It Doesn't Matter, Does It?

After Mom died, we made the decision to sell the house, fearing at first that it would be out of necessity to pay her medical bills, but finally just to close the door on that part of our lives which had held so many bad memories.

"MY HOUSE! MY HOUSE!" she would sob when she walked into the kitchen after being away for a few days at the hospital or at Greta's house.

"YOU WILL NEVER TAKE AWAY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE~~MY HOUSE AND ALL MY THINGS!" she screamed at Dad after their first meeting with Hospice when he was struggling with mesothelioma.

"SELL THIS HOUSE?  NEVER!  ONLY IF I WOULD BE MOVING TO A BIGGER HOUSE WHICH I NEED TO HOLD ALL OF  MY THINGS!" she responded to us when we suggested that downsizing, finding a place on one floor with yard care and snow removal might be a good idea after Dad died.

The house became like a dungeon.  She kept the drapes drawn, the blinds shut, and taped a black plastic trash bag over the front door window so no one could peek in.

The house was cluttered with her 'things' and papers and envelopes, and stacks of magazines and newspapers.

It was impossible to walk through the house without hitting cobwebs or dustballs or running into spiders.

As we cleaned out the house this past summer, it was obvious that the house needed work, that the kitchen and the bathroom needs updates, and that new paint, pulling up the carpet, and changing window treatments would add to the value.

Could we do that?  No.  Gary and I have a house in Indiana.  We have family in Indiana.  Our grandchildren live in Indiana.  The house in Wooster is 5-6 hours east of us.  Updating the house, painting, ripping out the kitchen and bathroom and renovating them, tearing up the carpet and refinishing the hardwood floors would require more work and more time than we could commit to the project. Plus the cost of hotel rooms and meals out would be high.  Add to that not knowing who to call for help or where the best place to buy supplies would be...after all, we don't have a Mike Finnegan or Jeff Tanner in Wooster (that we know of, anyway).  Too much to even contemplate.

So we sell.  We hope that a family will embrace the house and want to remodel it to fit them and their lifestyle and enjoy the neighborhood, the house itself, and make lots of memories there.

We thought that was what happened.

But last week the house was listed for sale, by owner.

The kitchen was ripped apart and renovated.

All of the walls had been painted.

The carpet had been ripped up and the hardwood floors in the living room, all three bedrooms, and the hall were beautiful.

The bathroom was renovated.

The basement was carpeted, at least where Dad's office area had been.

It looks great.

But it made me sad.

The 'family' that bought the house wasn't really a family, but a woman with two children and her boyfriend who was also her boss (she is a waitress at the restaurant he owns).   Her daughter was so excited about living there, going to school with Alyssa and Faith next door, and having a home.

But that wasn't the intention, evidently.  They never did move in.  They worked on the house.  Improvements were made. Now they are selling it.

It doesn't matter.  But I feel like what we didn't want to happen - someone buying it, then flipping it---has happened.

Yes, I know.  Once we sell it, it is out of our hands.  They can do with it what they want.

Yes, I know.   We couldn't renovate it ourselves. Gary and I just didn't have the time or the energy to do that from this distance.  We had to sell it.  Greta and Kent had no desire or a plan to renovate, then sell.

Yes, I know.  We set a base price for it and that is what we sold it for.

So it doesn't matter, does it?

Maybe a family will buy it who is really serious about living there, their children going to school with Alyssa and Faith, and making a home full of memories.  Really serious about doing that. Not like the people who did buy it.

Or maybe things changed with the current owners.  Maybe their relationship changed.  Maybe they decided that they wanted a place with more acreage.  Who knows what the reason was.

Does it matter?  Not really.  But it does make me a little sad.

Hitting the Sweet Tooth Hard - or - Making Some Memories with the Kiddos

One thing I like to do is make cookies for Christmas.  However I hit a couple of glitches along the way.  One is my counter space in the kitchen is limited.  There just isn't enough room.  Next is the wonky oven.  Ever since the spring on the door sprang, the door does not have a tight seal and the heat escapes easily which results in uneven browning and longer cooking times which then results in less than desirable end products.  Another is there just isn't enough room...different than limited counter space.  The dining room table, the sunroom, the top of the washer and dryer....

One year we attempted to hold a Family Cookie Baking Marathon with three or four Kitchen Aid mixers going and lots of counter space plus two tables and all of us baking and sharing at once.  It was fun, but no one has suggested doing it again!   Oven space was an issue since we had cookie sheets in the holding area most of the afternoon and evening.

The opportunity presented itself for a cookie baking experience when we stayed with Landon, Tessa, and Owen while Blaine and Hilary spent yesterday in Indianapolis - Straight No Chaser tickets from Jan and Don, time to do some shopping, a nice dinner out to celebrate their 13th wedding anniversary.  Perfect time for us to make some cookies.

I selected three recipes:  Cowboy Cookies (with oatmeal and chocolate chips), Grandma's Peanut Butter cookies (passed through the generations), and Molasses Cookies (prize winners).  Hilary had also picked up a box of pre-cut sugar cookies from Gordons for us to bake and decorate.  We loaded up a couple of boxes with ingredients from home, made a stop at Walmart to pick up a few items we didn't have, and the plan was made.

By some miracle the kids agreed to make cookies one at a time.  I never thought Landon could make a batch, then Tessa, without fussing from one or the other (mainly Tessa).   But they didn't fuss at all.

Landon selected Cowboy Cookies for his recipe.  He stood on the stool to help with measuring oatmeal, peeling off the wrapper from the stick of Crisco, pouring in the eggs, and adding the flour to the creamed mixture.




 
 He also used his special cookie spoon to place identical mounds of dough on the cookie sheets. He did ALL of the scooping. I showed him how to run the flat edge of the scoop against the side of the bowl to make the size of the balls a little more uniform and to give them a flatter edge to place on the sheet.  He was quite pleased with himself, and I was happy with his progress as a cook.  It was a much more pleasurable experience than the last time we baked together.

Great-Grandma's Peanut Butter Cookie recipe was Tessa's choice.  I explained to her that she was the 6th generation to make these cookies.  I don't think she understood that, but maybe one day she will realize how important that cookie recipe is to our family of bakers.  Her skills are not quite as polished as Landon's - she is just 5, but she has improved over the last time we baked in our kitchen.  She was able to put the butter and the stick of Crisco in the bowl (and had to wash her hand after because they were greasy) and she poured in the eggs (with my help) and she stirred the flour with the other dry ingredients (without too much residue over the edge of the bowl).



 
Her best skill, though, was dipping the fork in the flour and smashing the cookie on the top.  All of the cookies have nice criss-crosses on them, thanks to Tessa.
 
 My only problem with those cookies was that the dough seemed to be too greasy.  I am not sure why since the recipe has always been the same and we followed it exactly. The only thing I can think of i a change in the quality of the Crisco sticks or I used the wrong type of margarine and not real butter (which I have never used anyway). Still good cookies though.

Next recipe was the Molasses Cookies that I made on my own.  These, in my opinion, were the best of the three.  The dough was a little sticky, so I am glad my rings were still off, but they baked perfectly and the taste is just divine! The best cookies.....

Finally we baked some of the cut outs and decorated them.  They needed 24 cookies for their cookie plates that they are going to deliver to their neighbors.  We baked and frosted that many and about 10 more.  I found some green icing in a tub, maybe the kind that goes on a Funfetti cake. We used it AND the sprinkles for some of the cookies along with a tub of vanilla.  Landon used a cheese ball knife and Tessa had a child's spoon that she turned over to use the back to spread the glob of frosting I put on her cookies.  They added some sprinkles and left others simply frosted.  I smoothed out a few of Tessa's since her icing looked like it was spread by a 5-year-old (which it was).







All in all it was a good afternoon.  The best two things were these:  Landon told me he really liked baking cookies with me and thanked me for being there with him.  Tessa 's favorite line was "Can I help?  Can I help?  Can I help?"  And of course the third best thing was the two taste testers who made their way into the kitchen to check on us during the process.

 

Yes, we hit the sweet tooth hard yesterday, but more importantly, we made some great memories for both the grandparents and the grandchildren.

The Last Marks of the Red Pen

This week was Week 8 for the second part of the fall semester at Trine.  Since we were given the option of meeting at the instructional site or moving the class to online totally, I opted for the latter.  One less trip to Logansport.  I could convert the last assignment to a discussion board instead of a final paper and accomplish the same thing.

As I sat in Megan's living room on Wednesday, I had to remind myself that the last class was that evening.  We had so many things to do on Wednesday (picking up a quilt, blood work for me, taking Cooper to pre-school, a nail appointment, watching Owen and Tessa while Landon and his folks went to his optometrist appointment. The last thing on my mind was the class.

Discussion boards are usually easy to grade, and this one was just that.   It was interesting to read how the students thought they had improved in their process of writing abilities.  That is always my goal - to enable them to feel more comfortable with the process of writing so that they can be more relaxed when they write for other classes and be able to produce quality papers as well.  

This group of posts was just what I expected, except for one.  One  who was a 'seated' student felt like the class was too much like a high school class, that her needs and expectations were not met, that too much time was spent on reviewing things that she already knew how to do from her high school classes, and that most of the assignments were just 'busy work' instead of assignments that were worth her time.  After all she worked and had a daughter and not enough time to waste on trivial assignments.

Grading the argument papers was more detailed than what I had originally planned. Rather than create a rubric, I used the score sheet that I always used for ENGL 111 at Ivy Tech.  Reading each one of the papers, marking errors, writing comments, and checking sources took more time than just skimming the paper and deciding that it was an "A" paper or a "C" paper.  Most of them were acceptable.  Some were questionable on whether they were really arguments, and some of the students really don't understand how to summarize.  But overall, not too bad.  After I marked and scored, I sent the two documents (the marked paper and the score sheet) to each student through email.

Next was the task of finalizing the grades.  I don't understand Moodle's gradebook organization, so I created an Excel spreadsheet for their grades and totaled and divided myself.  In most cases the percentages fell in the same grade range as the Moodle gradebook.  For two student my grade was lower than the Moodle, so I gave them the benefit of the doubt and the higher grade. In one case my grade was higher than the Moodle grade, and that student received the higher grade.

When I posted the last grade and clicked on Save, I felt a tremendous sigh of relief.  It was over.  No more grading. No more teaching.  

Yes, I did enjoy being in the classroom and teaching again.  Some of the students were really interesting and fun to work with.  However there were negatives.

One - I had to go to Logansport on Wednesday nights.  Not usually a problem but it seemed like every Wednesday I couldn't do something with the kids because I had to go to class later.

Two - prep time for classes.  Even though everything I used for this class came from something I had taught before, I still had to spend time revising the assignment sheets and powerpoints, eliminating all of the Ivy Tech references and changing them to Trine, and I had to battle Moodle to be sure that everything was posted where it should be so the people watching at home could access everything.  That took some time.

Three - grading.  I don't like spending time grading. Over 43 years I had read and marked thousands of papers, and they started to sound alike several years ago.  Nothing has changed---they still sound alike.

Four - students just don't change.  There are some that are energetic, attentive, ask questions, try hard.  Then there are those that don't listen, always have excuses, try to blame others for their errors, and ignore instructions.  Since Trine tuition is higher than that at Ivy Tech and since the admission requirements are different, I thought there may be fewer of the second type of students. I was wrong. They are everywhere.  I am tired of listening to excuses, complaints, and the maneuvering that they try to do, and I just don't want to do it anymore.

Five - Money isn't everything.  Yes, the $1800 for 8 weeks of teaching a class was motivation to sign the contract, and it did come in handy for Christmas shopping, but in the long run it isn't worth missing Landon's 2nd grade program or Tessa's pre-school Chicken Bash or spending time holding Lynnlee and clapping for Cooper's "basketball team" as they score another basket.

So I am done.  There are so many other things I want to do..and teaching will just get in the way.  Plus I don't need the aggravation of fussing with students who grumble and complain.  I would rather read a book than another argument paper.  I would rather cut fabric for a quilt block than revise an assignment sheet or a powerpoint.  I would rather read a story to Landon before bed than read a rough draft in a room in a remodeled bank in downtown Logansport.  And I would rather take a quick nap in the car as Gary drives us home from Carroll/Clinton counties than drive home by myself at 10:00 p.m. from Logansport.

It was fun. It was a great profession.  But it is over.  The cap of the red pen is closed.  Forever.

I am closing this chapter with a smile though.  The student who complained about the class being too much like a high school class and having too many 'busy work' assignments?  Her final grade was a low C, the lowest one in the class.

:)

Customer Service

What has happened to customer service?

During the past week we have had questionable experiences at a few restaurants and a big hassle with Sam's Club.

First - restaurants.  Not bussing tables to the point of our being led around the restaurant to search for a clean table.  Wait staff laughing, talking, visiting, sitting in a section that is not occupied by customer and enjoying beverages while other wait staff wait on numerous tables and customers sit patiently waiting to place their orders.  At one restaurant we sat with at least 5 glasses on the table for the two of us because the waitress brought new drinks and didn't remove the empty glasses.  When we ate at Bob Evans in Lafayette on Friday evening Gary never did receive the cole slaw that was to come with his meal.  My biscuits were hard and dry.   At Cristo's on Thursday noon we were not given a bill but just told the amount we were to pay.  At least today when we ate at the new Longhorn Steak House for lunch the tables were bussed immediately after the diners left the restaurant, the empty glasses were removed, and the excess paper (straw wrappers, empty Sweet N Low packets) was removed. 

Second - Sam's Club.  Gary sent in the renewal for our family's membership on November 18.  On December 5 Megan called and her card had been denied at the gas pump at Sam's in Lafayette.  Gary called the number on the bill and even though it was not yet 5:00 p.m. and the times listed on the bill were 7:00 a.m. until 11:00 p.m., they were not open. Another call the next day resulted in the same message.  Closed.  So he called another number we found online and was told that they had just received the check and had processed ONLY his membership but the others would be processed within the hour.  Fast forward to Friday and our stop at the gas pump at Sam's.  Gary's card was denied.

Into the store we went.  The big question was why we had not come in to renew rather than sending it in.  Well, the bill had a return envelope and the statement said to enclose it with the check and place it in the envelope to mail in.  Second, Leo and Gary had always sent in the renewal with no problem. And third, even though we are in Lafayette often, it is not easy for us to just 'stop by' Sam's to renew the membership.

Another sticking point was that they didn't really believe that we had paid all of the memberships in full.  Of course that is understandable to a point, since we could have been anyone and made up a story just to get a free membership.  But we were told to check with our bank and return with a copy of the cancelled check.

Today we returned with the cancelled check.  We talked to THREE people at the service desk. Once more we were questioned as to why we sent the check in.  We were questioned as to why we brought a copy of the cancelled check.  We were questioned as to why we called the number on the statement and why we were told the names would be activated when they were not.  Ater 30 minutes we walked out with all of the names activated....we hope.  But it took two trips into the store, a call and a trip to the bank for a copy of the check, three calls to the 800 number with no results, two family members plus us who tried to use the card and could not because of THEIR mistake.

And our questions still are...why was the check received on Nov. 21 and nothing done with it?  Why was it cashed and the names not activated?  Why were Gary's name and Sandy's name the only two that appeared on the list with 'activated' next to them and then Gary's card did not work?  Why did Blaine's card work on Friday and his name on the list show that he was NOT activated?  

If we didn't go to Sam's Club for some items and if the others in our family didn't do the same, we would just drop the membership altogether.  Is it worth it?  Time will tell. 

I just hope ALL of the names are activated now; otherwise, watch out Sam's Club because Gary may not be as nice the next time he comes in.

Such a Mix.....

So many emotions in one day.

I slept better last night, partly due to taking the new meds (all in my head, I know). Partly it was due to not having to awaken with the alarm.  Part of it was knowing that the cause of the swollen feet and legs was due to the meds, not due to something horribly wrong with me.

On the Saturday to-do list - finishing the baby quilt.  Making crockpot peanuts.  Wrapping Angel Tree gifts and others. Finish the decorating for Christmas. Using the InstantPot to make chicken thighs.  Baking banana bread to use some of the soft bananas.

Most of those things were crossed off.  

The decorating was easy.  A new white place mat under the snowmen and adding the snowy tinsel around them.  Looks good.  The box of all of the little things for the shadow box and to set around in different places - another easy thing.  Clearing the coffee table (that didn't happen) but using the winter table runner on the blanket chest worked well.

Crockpot peanuts - easy peasy to do also.  Layer everything in the pot, snap down the lid, set it to low, and wait for three hours.  Then mix it up, drop the clusters on  waxed paper, and set the cookie sheets in the sunroom to cool.  Put them into the tins when they are set.  Another easy task.

Finishing the baby quilt.  That one took a little longer and there was a glitch with the bobbin, but it is done and looks good.

The Instant Pot.  I don't like chicken thighs.  I  am not a fan of teriyaki.  But all I had for ingredients worked for Chicken Thighs in Teriyaki sauce.  I made them. I ate one.  It was ok.  There will be plenty for Gary for leftovers.

Angel Tree gifts are wrapped, but not much else was today.  I feel so sad about those gifts for a couple of reasons.  One is that the children who are receiving them are on the list because one of their parents is incarcerated for some reason.  So sad.  The other is that I really wanted the kids to help with selecting gifts for these children and that didn't happen last week.  I wish they could have had some input and also realize how fortunate they are.

No other gifts were wrapped except for one thing for Matt and one for Cooper and Lynnlee.  I just didn't want to do it, and considering it was 8:30 p.m. when I started, I was done after the Angel Tree gifts were wrapped.

There was snow on the ground.  Birds were flocking around the feeders.  Winter has arrived.  It is cold.

And the kids stopped by today.  I loved it that Hilary, Tessa, and Owen walked in the front door and we didn't know they were coming.  I loved it that Landon wanted to spend the night, even though he couldn't.  But I am sad that it can't happen more often, and the only way it COULD happen more often is if we move.  We are talking about it, and it would be beneficial for us and for them for our residence to be closer than a 45 minutes drive.  But this is home and we like it here. I am not sure I want to leave this house yet.

Such a mix of emotions today.  Lots of ups but a few downs also.  

On to tomorrow....

And the Favorite Christmas Carol Is..

How can anyone choose just one?  It isn't possible!  I have favorites that are deep and meaningful about Christ's birth, but then there are several more secular songs that are favorites as well.  Where to start?  Where to start?

Today's choice is "Angels We Have Heard on High."  Not only do I enjoy listening to this song, in harmony, but I also love to play it on the organ or piano also.

When I was playing the organ at St. Mark's during the Christmas season, this was always at the top of my Play List, especially on Christmas Eve.  Of course nimble fingers that moved quickly are required for this song to be successfully played, and mine were....then.  Not so much now, but then?  They would dance across the keys.

One of my new Christmas CDs this season was ordered from the Ball Brothers.  When it arrived in the mail the other day, I was delighted to see that this song was included.  The harmony is beautiful, the notes ring clear, and the bass (my favorite) is strong. 

Angels We Have Heard on High

Song by Pentatonix

Lyrics

Angels we have heard on high
Sweetly singing o'er the plains
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strains

Angels we have heard on high
Sweetly, sweetly through the night
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their brief delight

Gloria, in excelsis Deo
Gloria, in excelsis Deo

Shepherds, why this jubilee?
Why your joyous strains prolong?
What the gladsome tidings be
Which inspire your heavenly song?

Gloria, in excelsis Deo
Gloria, in excelsis Deo

Come to Bethlehem and see
Him whose birth the angels sing,
Come, adore on bended knee,
Christ the Lord, the newborn King.

Gloria, in excelsis Deo
Gloria, in excelsis Deo

Yeah
Gloria, in excelsis Deo

Angels we have heard
Angels we have heard on high
Angels we have heard, oh
Angels we have heard on high
Angels we have heard on high
Angels we have heard on high

In excelsis Deo

It's Looking More and More.....

..like Christmas at our house.

Today started off a little rough with a mini-meltdown from me.  I don't handle not feeling well at all, especially when I am not sure what is wrong and my mind goes all over the place imagining the worst.  But I recovered.  And the loose ends of decorating began to be tied up.

Christmas cards - While I was sorting through things here and making room for new-to-use pieces of furniture and other items from Ohio and from The Farm, I came upon several boxes of Christmas cards. I asked Gary to remind me NOT to buy any cards this season so I could use the old ones.  There were a few half-full boxes of Lang cards plus a few unopened boxes of other cards I had bought on sale over the years.  The big dresser that we brought from Mom's and put upstairs in Hilary's old room has huge deep drawers, so one of them became my Christmas drawer, full of paper and tags and tissue paper...and boxes of Christmas cards.  Easy to find.  Easy to grab and use.  Last night I printed out the spreadsheet for the card list and started.  I found some return address labels and Gary bought more stamps when he went to the PO this morning, so now most of the cards are in the mail.  No letters this year.  I tried three times to write something that sounded good and newsy and cheery, but it just wasn't working.  Most of our friends are also on FB so they already know that Lynnlee was born in October, that Mom died in May, that we spent most of the summer in Wooster cleaning out the house, that we are traveling more, and that we spend lots of time with the grandkiddos.  So no letter.  No pictures either, except for just a few people, such as the friends of Mom and Dad's who would be interested in knowing about Lynnlee.

Decorations - little things that needed to be done.  Switching the Scentsy warmer from the patriotic to the snowman and adding in the Christmas-y scent.  Adding the red ornaments to the basket of pine cones.  Finding a place for the new lit snowmen that Greta and I found at Green Oak.  Finishing hanging the new stockings from the mantle  Shuffling around the snowmen and Santas that were stacked on the stairs and in boxes and lying on tables. Adding the red flowers to the coffee grinder.  Deorating the coffee tables.  Rearranging the trees on the entertainment center and the different decor on the hutch.  I don't like to omit the most important part of our decor, but there is no spot for the Willow Tree nativity since there is a new device on top of the entertainment center from Direct TV and the hutch needs to have bowls on the top also. Still contemplating this though.  It isn't Christmas without the nativity.

Fabric - the next thing on the agenda is cutting squares for a patchwork quilt.  This is a surprise gift, and I hope I can accomplish getting it together and to Betty in time for quilting.

After some thinking and discussing with Gary and Hilary, I decided to forego the last class meeting and the students writing a reflection paper for a longer discussion board post that they can write from home.  As I said in a post a few days ago, this has been a fun journey with Trine.  But also it is time for it to end.  My heart just isn't in teaching anymore.  If I don't have to make another trip to Logansport, great!  The students will not be upset that they don't have to write the final reflection paper.  They can write a discussion board post and a response at home.  I may enlist Megan to help me read the argument papers and assign a grade to them.  I have learned from past experience that  most students don't really care what they did correctly or what they really goofed on when they look at their final assignment.  All they care about is the grade.  So that is what this group will get.  A grade. Very few comments.  So...another thing I did was change Week 8 on Moodle, send a note to Lori that we wouldn't be meeting on Dec. 13, and felt a huge sigh of relief.  After all  I have been paid.  I did my job.  And I am going to walk away a happy person.  As Gin said, teaching again showed me "that retiring was REALLY the right decision."  And I was paid well to realize that!

Feeling better now.  I have learned something else over the years.  When my mind is not focused on something, and I mean really focused, then it wanders all over the place, my imagination becomes active, and I can plunge into the depths of despair easily.  That is what I was doing this morning.  Plunging into the depths of despair.  I can't do that. 

Onward to being productive on this day at home, for tomorrow becomes busy again!

Taking It Easy

After feeling terrible on Saturday, I spent Sunday in the recliner.

Saturday - falling asleep for TWO hours in Hilary's living room, in the recliner was a big clue that all was not well with Mamaw.  Hilary and Blaine left for the Rossville Firefighters Christmas party.  I didn't hear them leave.  Owen climbed up on me two or three times.  I didn't know it.  Gary fed the kids.  No response from me.

My ankles have been swollen lately.  Swollen ankles come and go, and have come and gone for several years, but this time they were VERY swollen and not reducing in size as much as they should be at night.

I think my knees were quite swollen also, to the point of not being able to bend well and hurting every time I stood or walked.

I fear my legs were becoming swollen also.

Why? is the big question.

I have guesses - no sure answers.

One is that my BP med changed in late September/early October.  Then my ankles started to swell a little and I just couldn't stay awake.  Both of those were side effects of the medication.

Not watching my diet and overloading my sodium intake could be another cause.  I know from experience that if I am not controlling my diet with portion control and better selection of food choices, then I am in trouble.  When I begin to lose weight, then my ankles return to normal.

Sunday I sat in the recliner.  I stayed in my pajamas all day.  Gary unpacked the Christmas tubs and asked what I wanted to put out for decor and where to put it.  I worked on ordering online and supervising him.  The only times I left the recliner was to go to the bathroom (numerous times, by the way).  By evening my ankles were more than back to normal. My knees felt better.  My legs didn't hurt.  And today my jeans were much looser.

Today we made an appointment for me with the doctor.  I am concerned about the change in meds.  I am concerned about the water retention.  I am trying not to worry that there is something major wrong with me.

Enter the book from the last OBS - Anxious for Nothing by Max Lucado.  I need to re-read the highlighted passages.  I need to remember that Jesus is by my side at all times and will be with me at the doctor.

Today we babysat.  When I was at the house, I sat in the recliner plus there were times I was up and around with the kids.  I went to Flora and picked up Tessa from pre-school, then we drove into Delphi to pick up lunch at McDonalds for the two of us plus Papaw and Owen.  After lunch I went to JoAnn's Fabrics in Lafayette to pick up some fabric for a Christmas gift.  By the time we were back home again my left ankle has just a smidgen of swelling but the right one was good.  I hope they stay that way.

Not the season for 'taking it easy,' but I am trying.  Tonight's task was to address Christmas cards...in the recliner, feet up, lapdesk in place.  So far, so good.

Prayers would be appreciated.  I need them. 

This Word

Deserve.

de·serve

dəˈzərv/

verb

verb: deserve; 3rd person present: deserves; past tense: deserved; past participle: deserved; gerund or present participle: deserving

do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment).

"the referee deserves a pat on the back for his bravery"

synonyms:

merit, earn, warrant, rate, justify, be worthy of, be entitled to, have a right to, be qualified for

If my dad was irked by something, he make it known.  Using the word 'deserve' irked him.

"You deserve a vacation."

"You deserve some time off."

"Take the day off.  You deserve it."

"I deserve a better grade than what I got."

Dad always said that we had to work for what we had, what we earned, our time off, our vacations.

I remember being called in to work at Roth's Dept. Store in Mt. Vernon, and I said I couldn't work that evening.  Why?  Because I had plans to go to the movies with Jane Ann and Thelma.  Dad lit into me about that.  He told me that I needed to take every opportunity to work, to earn money, to prove that I was dependable and reliable.  When I said I 'deserved' a night with my friends to relax, he laughed and said I had not been overworked, nor had my schedule been tedious, and my only reason was that I wanted to have fun and not bother with going in to fill in for a sick employee.
 
From then on everything about working and not working was put into perspective for me.  I didn't deserve time off; I worked hard and when the job was finished, then I could take a break. 

My students used to tell me that they 'deserved' a better grade because of the time they spent on a paper, rather than evaluating the quality of their work.  No...they received the grade they earned, based on the quality of their work and meeting the criteria of the assignment.

The other day I saw a post on FB from a former colleague who had received his 10 year award at the Recognition luncheon at Ivy Tech.  One of the comments was that he really deserved this award.

The award is nice.  I received one last year too.  But did he 'deserve' it?  He was employed full time for 10 years which is the only criteria for this.  So he 'deserved' it.  I don't know.  Maybe that is nit-picky.  But I tend to agree with my dad.