Prayer Journal #23

 "All that My Father gives Me will come to Me; and the one who comes to Me I will most certainly not cast out [I will never, never reject anyone who follows Me]. "  John 6:37

 This is another repeat of our daily devotions, this time about rejection.  The main lesson is that even though we may have felt like we have been rejected, maybe by not making a team or being chosen for a promotion or to lead a project, we are still safe and welcomed into the arms of Jesus because He will never reject us, not for any reason, not at any time.

Reading this devotion was hard because I have felt rejected and I know why. When one is told repeatedly that she is not good enough, that no one will like her for HER but only like her for their own selfish reasons (like having their children in school so that the children will receive better grades) or because of her association with others (as in being Gary's wife or the mother of Megan or Hilary), then those feelings of rejection stick and they are hard to overcome.  It was one thing to feel rejected as a child, but to feel rejected as an adult is hard. Just hard.  And it is even harder when the rejection comes from a parent.  Not coming to visit when invited.   Stating that having a hair appointment is more important than attending Grandparents' Day. Choosing the daughters of the hair stylist over her own granddaughters.  Visiting with other grandparents at the one Grandparents' Day attended instead of being with the granddaughter in her classroom to see what she and her class has prepared for their special guests.Mediocre responses to good news phone calls to then be replaced by enthusiastic sharing of accomplishments of other people.  

Even though I am an adult (and seem to be classified as a senior citizen) those feelings of rejection are hard to overcome.  Since we moved four years ago, my circle of friends has shrunk.  The COVID pandemic didn't help anything either.  I feel so often like I have no friends any more.  All of my 'old' friends are either busy with their jobs and their families or they forget that the road runs both ways and are too busy or think it is too far to make the trip to visit.  Legitimate reasons, I know, but I also feel that if they really wanted to get together, we would.  So I feel rejected.

I also hesitate to make new friends.  Most of the people we meet are connected to Megan or Hilary so they are of their same age group.  There was an opportunity to join a new small group at our new church, just for women, but the first two meetings are the two Sundays that we will be on our trip to SC and TN.  We will also be gone for two Sundays in October for the trip to the Gulf Coast.  Secretly, I was glad we will be gone because I fear rejection.  I am afraid that the ladies would ignore me, not include me in the conversations, and just make me feel miserable, wondering why I even tried to meet new people. I fear rejection.

Rhonda and I have been sharing devotions for four years now.  We have our own FB page that we post on. We post the daily devotion, then each of us comment and share ideas and thoughts.  We have talked on the phone a couple of times, but we have never met face to face.  We have joked that if we ever do meet in person, we will be talking non-stop.  However....part of me fears rejection.  If we do ever meet in person, will we still be friends?  Will we still share devotions?  Part of me is terrified that she would not want to be my friend any more.  Why would she?  I am not a person who is worthy of friendship.

So I am praying fervently for a change of heart, a change of feeling rejected.  I want to feel like I am worthy of someone caring about me, about someone liking me for me.  I am not a person who is worthless like my mom always made me think and feel.  I have a wonderful husband, two special beautiful daughters, and five fantastic grandchildren, plus two super sons-in-law and an extended family that is just great.  Plus our home has become a center for family gatherings which is very special.  And I know that Jesus is my Savior and His love is unending.  

Father, than You for always making me welcome in Your presence and for never rejecting me.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

Prayer Journal #22

 "Father, I ask that You continue to work with me to keep me humble.  I repent for pride and I recognize that I am nothing without You.  Help me to always treat others well and never to think I am better than anyone else.  In Jesus' name.  Amen."

This is from the devotion for today in Joyce Meyer's book.  In my response in the little group that Rhonda and I share, I focused on what not to do as i learned from my mother.  However, when I looked at this prayer, I realized that by doing that, I was leaning toward being prideful myself because I didn't focus on, or even mention, how I drift into that same thing. It's not so much that I boast toward others or try to act like I am better than others, because I know I am not.  If anything I feel inferior to other people.  That is why I am not pursuing more friendships or wanting to be involved in local groups.  I think that people won't like me and I have nothing to offer. 

I really need to focus on humility.  I need to ask God every day to keep me humble.  I try to treat others well, but I am still too judgmental when I look at other people and think about their clothes or where they live or what they are driving.  

 "Father, I ask that You continue to work with me to keep me humble.  I repent for pride and I recognize that I am nothing without You.  Help me to always treat others well and never to think I am better than anyone else.  In Jesus' name.  Amen."

Prayer Journal #21

  This popped up in my email today from Proverbs 31.  I felt like I needed to copy it and paste it here since this fits me so often.  Why am I so anxious so often?  Not sure, but it does happen.  Maybe this will help!

 

 

Father, Your word says You are always with me. You go before me and behind me. In the middle of the anxiousness I feel, I ask for the peace only you can bring. It says in the Bible Jesus is the Prince of Peace. I ask for that to be real to me today. Comfort my mind when my thoughts are spiraling. Calm my heart when it starts racing with fear of the unknown. Calm my circumstances the feel out of control. Your peace alone surpasses all understanding. Guard my heart and my mind in peace through Christ. In Jesus' name, amen.

Prayer Journal #20

 This comes from the daily devotion that Rhonda and I share, but I have added in my own thoughts as well as what Joyce wrote today.

The title of today's devotion was "Lead a Quiet Life" but the narrative was basically about minding one's own business and just focusing on oneself and not what other people are doing.  I found these words today so helpful and timely.  When I ended my comments with Rhonda, I took the basic prayer from Joyce and adapted it to me.  Isn't that what we should do anyway?

Father....I recognize, like hitting me in the face with these words, that I often give my opinion when it is not asked for, and I want to change. Yes, I do. Even though there are times when I keep my thoughts to myself, I still have moments when I blurt out my opinions which are not asked for. Help me to learn to be quiet, to think before I speak, and to keep my thoughts to myself. Help me to mind my own business and not be concerned about what others are doing or even more, tell them what I think they should be doing. Help me to do my own work, because I do have so much that I can focus on for myself that I don't need to focus on others. In Jesus' name.....Amen."

Prayer Journal #19

 From the Joyce Meyer devotional for today:

I

Father, I ask for Your supernatural help to grow stronger in the area of my life in which I need strength.  Help me also to do everything I need to do in the natural realm to become the person of strength You want me to be.   In Jesus' name.  Amen.

 

This devotion really spoke to me this morning.  Why? For several reasons.  I need to gain strength in three areas of my life.  One is spiritually.  Over the past several years my faith has grown, mainly because of devotions with Rhonda and Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies.  Plus church 'attendance' has been stronger lately, either watching Jim online or attending services at Delphi UMC.  

Let's focus.

An area of my life which I needed to grow stronger is exercise.  My movement was becoming very 'old lady-ish.'   I felt creaky.  I felt old.  I felt like my movement was stilted and hard and I just wanted to sit.  That is the best way to put myself into the immobile category.  I dreaded even walking to the Party Barn.  I hate to admit it but just walking out to the barn was something I didn't want to do.  Let me tell you....not walking doesn't do anything to increase one's strength and endurance.   Honestly, I was terrified of going to the Biltmore and having to walk everywhere.  That is why I suggested an alternative plan and we are skipping a stop in Asheville in two weeks. I was terrified.  The thought of visiting Disney World again...ever....is terrifying as well.  I don't want to be in a scooter, but I know that I can't walk around the parks in the shape I am in now.  So that is a focus.  Plus just being able to feel healthy again is a goal.

Another area----weight loss.  This has been a struggle for most of my life.  I loved the way I looked and felt during the summer of 2006.  I had lost 40+ pounds. I was wearing a size 8-10.  I felt great!  Then I went to the college, stopped going to WW, and the pounds crept back on.  Now I am wearing size 16 again and XL tops and I look fat, in my eyes.  I need to monitor my food intake.  I need to be more conscientious about NOT grabbing food and snacking.  I need to eat only at mealtime and make better choices.  I need to cook more.  All of these are goals as well.

I know that a focus in the devotion today is growing in faith and becoming a stronger Christian, but Joyce does talk about other areas in our lives that need help.   It doesn't matter what the area is, I need to ask God to show me what I need to do in order to become stronger and then do it and do it, and do it again.   

Amen.

Ways to Calm My Heart

 borrowed from Proverbs 31:

Three ways to calm your heart today:

1. Take one minute to press "pause" on life. Stop what you're doing and take deep breaths for just 60 seconds.
2. Write down three things in life you are grateful for.
3. Walk outside and look at creation. Remember the sky is not falling, and we can trust God is still in control.