Sometimes You Just Need to Cry

I know I do.

Sometimes I just feel so exhausted or weary or frustrated or scared and nervous, that I just want to cry. I think a good cry would release the tension, let the emotions flow, and cause the pressure valve to deflate.

When I say "I need to cry" or "I feel like crying" the response I get from Gary is this:  "There is no reason to cry" or "There is nothing to cry about."

He just doesn't get it.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I was upset about some things that happened with the prospective buyers of our old house in Pulaski.  I was sad because Tessa had lied to Hilary and Blaine and therefore had to cancel her overnight with us during Spring Break.  This was sad for me because we had gone shopping at the Rossville Quilt Shop for fabric and at JoAnn Fabrics for a cute little sewing box and supplies for our 'sewing lessons' to make a quilt for Paisley and Rose (her American Girl Bitty Babies).  Now, because she had lied to her parents, she had to be punished and that punishment included not coming to Mamaw and Papaw's as planned and cancelling the sewing lesson to make a rag quilt for the dolls.

Actually this hurt me too because I was so looking forward to spending time teaching her how to sew straight lines and explaining how to put together the rag quilt. 

Then the house.  I just want the house to be sold.  It is an old house.  It was an old house when we bought it over 40 years ago.  But it isn't a terrible house, and it is much better than the one that Gary's folks were living in.  The prospective buyers keep finding things that they insist are wrong and they want fixed or great amounts of money taken off the purchase price.  We are not willing to do that.  We want the appraised value of the property, and I really don't think that is too much to expect.

It comes down to the feeling that I have often - why is it that when we want to buy something, the price can never be lowered if we think it is too high and the seller has a 'so what?  If you don't want it at this price, go somewhere else because someone will buy it for what I am selling it for."  But when we are selling or trading in a vehicle or getting rid of things at Mom's house for instance, there is always the attidude of 'what you expect me to pay is too much and I won't do it so lower your price if you want me to buy it."  Something isn't right about this.    Anyway...we countered their proposal and we haven't heard anything.  I am trying hard to 'turn it over to God' and not worry about it.  What will happen is going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it.

Yesterday afternoon I was still tense, I needed to cry, and I was fussing around the house, at loose ends.  Hilary, Tessa, and Owen came.  Blaine was coming by after work to do the pig chores.

Owen was sitting at the dining room table, eating a nutrigrain bar.  Tessa was sitting beside him, looking forlorn and eating nothing.  Why?  Because when she comes to our house she always wants to eat and she usually gets into trouble for it because either they have just eaten and she wants more, or they just tried to eat dinner and she refused to eat her food then came to our house and said she was hungry, or she wants to eat and they are planning to eat dinner when they return home so this would ruin her dinner.  Owen, on the other hand, eats when he is hungry and to get him to eat, we have to give him food on demand.  That is just the way he is.  She doesn't understand that---and why would she?  She is 6.

The kids are sitting at the table.  Owen is eating.  Tessa is unhappy.  Hilary is frustrated. I am about to cry, and I just feel like I need to go someplace and be away from everyone and sort out my feelings.  So I say 'I want to go to Barnes and Noble."  Blaine pops in and says to Hilary, "Why don't you go with her?" 

So this is what happened.

Hilary and I went to B and N.  Blaine took Tessa and Owen home and fed them.  Landon was at Patricks' house across the road visiting Wyatt for an overnight.  Gary stayed home and watched tv.

Hilary and I wandered around B and N for probably a good hour, if not more.  She went to a section she liked.  I went to mine.  We bought 'pink drinks' from Starbucks.  We wandered around the store separately.  We met up, and separated again, and met up again, and finally we were ready to check out. 

Then we went to McAlisters for dinner and ordered dine in for us and take out for Gary and Blaine.

She talked.  I listened.  She was near tears.  I listened.  I talked.  She listened. I didn't cry, but I did feel the release of emotions that I really needed.

I compare those pent up feelings to a pressure cooker or, in today's terms, an Instant Pot.  The ingredients are put into the heart and the mind, they simmer and brew, then boil and are ready to explode.  I can picture Mom's old pressure cooker with the bobble on the top of it, and the bobble starts to twists and turn and jump around on its post until the mixture inside is cooked, the heat is turned off, and the pressure finally escapes.

That is the way I feel sometimes. 

If the pressure isn't released, then I will explode, lash out at someone, be in a bad mood, and let's face it, my blood pressure will skyrocket.

Hence...(and I love that word, by the way)...a good cry is my 'bobble' for when the tension builds.

I can feel the pressure release. 

I can feel  my body relax.

I can feel my blood pressure lower.

All from a good cry.

And I can't discount the power of prayer too, because I have been praying fervently for God to take over these issues and let HIS will be done.  I can't do anything about any of it.  HE is in control.

A good cry.  A lot of prayer.  Answers to all of my problems!

Refreshed and Rejuvenated?

We have been hit by sickness in our family since the beginning of February. 

One thing after another.....coughs.  Colds.  Bronchitis.  Strep throat.  Stomach bugs with vomiting and diarrhea.   Upper respiratory infections.  Sinus infections.  Pneumonia.  You name it and it has been passed around.

When we went to Phoenix two weeks ago, we hoped to escape, enjoy some warm weather and sunshine, and return healthy.

For the most part, that happened with the two of us.  I felt SO good at the beginning of last week.  I felt rested.  I felt relaxed.  I felt just ....good.

Then Tuesday evening Gary woke up and started the vomiting and diarrhea routine.  He was sick until Saturday.  At first we thought it was the same stomach issue that everyone else had been plagues with.  But the more I thought about it, the more I suspected a little bit of food poisoning from a smoked sausage/ potatoes/onions/sauerkraut meal I had made on Monday and that we ate that evening and on Tuesday.  

Yesterday we took Owen for breakfast at Cracker Barrel, and we ate there again this morning.  I put ribs in the crockpot yesterday and he enjoyed those.

I think we are both on the road to recovery.  I still feel refreshed, relaxed, and rejuvenated.  Other than being nervous for the doctor's appointment on Friday, I have been pretty laid-back the last few days.

For the first time in a long time, I feel relaxed after returning from a vacation.  We had a busy schedule in Phoenix, but there was time for relaxing by the pool, sitting in the hot tub, and taking naps.  Our pace, other than the day long trip to the Grand Canyon, was slow and easy. 

That is my kind of vacation!

Here's to rest and refreshment and rejuvenation!  There is nothing like it!

One of the reasons....

Two of the three weekdays so far we have had Lynnlee with us.

This morning we stayed with Landon and Tessa while Hilary took Owen to meet the pre-school bus at Rossville.  They were both sick, so we stayed with them while she took Owen, then brought Lynnlee home with us.

On Monday Megan had the flu, so we drove to their house to pick her up for the day.  Owen had an appointment at Riley and we thought it would just be easier to keep her with us than for her to go along and their having to get her in and out of the truck and fuss with her during the appointment time.

After Hilary returned home from the school. she took Landon and Tessa to Urgent Care since there were no available appointments with their doctor until 3:45 this afternoon.  She wanted diagnoses and to start medications for them this morning rather than wait until the end of the day to do that.  I don't blame her.

Somewhere in the busyness of this morning, she apologized for asking us to help out.  Silly girl.

Her plan was to wake up Landon just before she left with Owen, get him and Tessa in the van along with Owen and Lynnlee and take Owen to school, then get the three back in the house once they returned home.  Why do that when we were available to watch the three, then bring Little Miss home with us?

But she apologized.  She apologized for Monday also, saying they COULD have taken Lynnlee along and it would have been fine.

Yes it would have been fine.  And it would have worked for her to take the other three along to drop off Owen and she could have taken Lynnlee along to  Urgent Care.

But neither of us are sick (at least not right now other than my getting over a head cold) and she would have been more exposed to bronchitis and a sinus infection if she had gone with them.  No sick kids want to be put in a van to ride to a school when they have to miss a day and then ride back home and then get in again to go to Urgent Care---in 11* weather no less.

So when she apologized, then thanked us, our response was 'That is why we moved, why we are here.  Remember?"  Gary added, "If we can't, we will tell you."  And that seemed to be ok.  

Yes the alarm was set for 6 this morning and we walked out at 7:15 to go to her house to help.  But if we had lived in Pulaski, we would have been up at 5 and out of the house by 6 and I would need a nap for sure!

But now we can help, we can fill in when needed, we are close enough to be there in five minutes if necessary.

And the plus side of today is this ---another day with Little Miss Lynnlee and she is SO much fun at this age!

Latest Reading Adventures

I haven't read much lately, especially since we were staying with the Yaggie kids and most of the books I had on Overdrive expired and had to be deleted.

However, I did add a few titles to my Nook from Overdrive to start my reading journey once again.  Then wouldn't you know it.....I received two emails that two of the books I had on hold were available.  So I downloaded them quickly and have been working on them.

Of course it is easier to read when one has time and energy to devote to it.  The past few days have given me the perfect opportunity to use reading as an excuse for how I spend my time.  I picked up a head cold in the past week and it hit me hard on Thursday evening.  I decided, at Gary's suggestion, to just stay on the couch downstairs on Saturday, cover up with my cozy snowman blanket, and read and nap all day.

That worked!  I had started The Hate You Give by Angie Thomas a few days ago and was able to hit it hard and finish it. I mentioned to Gary and to Amanda today that when I start a book, my interest needs to be caught in that first chapter, sometimes even on the first page, and if it is, I am good for finishing the book in record time.  This was one of those books.

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