Prayer Journal #6

 "I'm sorry, Father, for thinking that everything in my life is up to me.  I see now that this mindset has caused stress and stolen my joy.  Grant me the grace to let go and trust others to do some of the things I have been doing.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

This prayer was part of our devotions for today, so it is not original with me.  However it fit me very well.  It fits people I know very well.  

I slipped into the idea that I had to be responsible for so many things in my life.  Of course I am responsible for me, for my children when they were younger, for what happened in my classroom, for the duties of my position at school and later at the college.  I was responsible for some things in our marriage.  On the other hand, though, I felt like I had to be responsible for so many things that I could have asked for help with. 

I remember when I was first the co-chair of the North Central committee.  I felt pressure of needing everything to run smoothly, for our school to shine in the evaluation, for the visiting committee to feel like that they were special visitors, for our faculty, students, and community to know that I did everything I could to present West Central in the best possible light.  Otherwise I would fail and forever be known as the one who couldn't pull it off.  My first co-chair didn't do much of anything.  He didn't plan, organize, follow through, think ahead.  It was frustrating for me.  The second time we were evaluated I was asked to chair again, and this time the co-chair was from the elementary and we worked well together.  However everything I did at school I felt was scrutinized, so I wanted to be sure it was the best it could be and I did more than my share of the work.

That followed in my home life too.  I was always so nervous when we entertained because I didn't want others to criticize me or want to go elsewhere instead of to our house.  I couldn't ask anyone to help with prep work or food or paper products or anything because I felt like I had to do it all.

Why?  Some of it came from criticism from my mother on everything I did.  There was always something wrong and if I lost control over any aspect of a project, then I would be open to more criticism.   Does that make sense?  Probably not.

 One thing stressed in the devotion today was to focus on blessing others, doing things for other people, thinking about what other people need.  If we do that, then the focus won't be on us and our stress will lessen. If we can delegate some of our responsibilities, then we can have the time and opportunity to bless others.  And who knows? Maybe accepting a responsibility or challenge might be a blessing in disguise---just what someone else needs to boost self-esteem or take the mind off of other issues?

Trusting God is another reason to delegate.  He is in control and He will be sure that we have what we need when we need it.

Goal for me?  Let go off the control.  I'll be tested on this soon too!   I realized yesterday that Father's Day is this Sunday.  No one has mentioned getting together to celebrate.  Gary said he really doesn't care, and I am not going to mention it.  Why?  Delegating the decision for celebration and the method of doing it to the ones who made him a father!  

We shall see how that works!