Sometimes You Just Need to Cry

I know I do.

Sometimes I just feel so exhausted or weary or frustrated or scared and nervous, that I just want to cry. I think a good cry would release the tension, let the emotions flow, and cause the pressure valve to deflate.

When I say "I need to cry" or "I feel like crying" the response I get from Gary is this:  "There is no reason to cry" or "There is nothing to cry about."

He just doesn't get it.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I was upset about some things that happened with the prospective buyers of our old house in Pulaski.  I was sad because Tessa had lied to Hilary and Blaine and therefore had to cancel her overnight with us during Spring Break.  This was sad for me because we had gone shopping at the Rossville Quilt Shop for fabric and at JoAnn Fabrics for a cute little sewing box and supplies for our 'sewing lessons' to make a quilt for Paisley and Rose (her American Girl Bitty Babies).  Now, because she had lied to her parents, she had to be punished and that punishment included not coming to Mamaw and Papaw's as planned and cancelling the sewing lesson to make a rag quilt for the dolls.

Actually this hurt me too because I was so looking forward to spending time teaching her how to sew straight lines and explaining how to put together the rag quilt. 

Then the house.  I just want the house to be sold.  It is an old house.  It was an old house when we bought it over 40 years ago.  But it isn't a terrible house, and it is much better than the one that Gary's folks were living in.  The prospective buyers keep finding things that they insist are wrong and they want fixed or great amounts of money taken off the purchase price.  We are not willing to do that.  We want the appraised value of the property, and I really don't think that is too much to expect.

It comes down to the feeling that I have often - why is it that when we want to buy something, the price can never be lowered if we think it is too high and the seller has a 'so what?  If you don't want it at this price, go somewhere else because someone will buy it for what I am selling it for."  But when we are selling or trading in a vehicle or getting rid of things at Mom's house for instance, there is always the attidude of 'what you expect me to pay is too much and I won't do it so lower your price if you want me to buy it."  Something isn't right about this.    Anyway...we countered their proposal and we haven't heard anything.  I am trying hard to 'turn it over to God' and not worry about it.  What will happen is going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it.

Yesterday afternoon I was still tense, I needed to cry, and I was fussing around the house, at loose ends.  Hilary, Tessa, and Owen came.  Blaine was coming by after work to do the pig chores.

Owen was sitting at the dining room table, eating a nutrigrain bar.  Tessa was sitting beside him, looking forlorn and eating nothing.  Why?  Because when she comes to our house she always wants to eat and she usually gets into trouble for it because either they have just eaten and she wants more, or they just tried to eat dinner and she refused to eat her food then came to our house and said she was hungry, or she wants to eat and they are planning to eat dinner when they return home so this would ruin her dinner.  Owen, on the other hand, eats when he is hungry and to get him to eat, we have to give him food on demand.  That is just the way he is.  She doesn't understand that---and why would she?  She is 6.

The kids are sitting at the table.  Owen is eating.  Tessa is unhappy.  Hilary is frustrated. I am about to cry, and I just feel like I need to go someplace and be away from everyone and sort out my feelings.  So I say 'I want to go to Barnes and Noble."  Blaine pops in and says to Hilary, "Why don't you go with her?" 

So this is what happened.

Hilary and I went to B and N.  Blaine took Tessa and Owen home and fed them.  Landon was at Patricks' house across the road visiting Wyatt for an overnight.  Gary stayed home and watched tv.

Hilary and I wandered around B and N for probably a good hour, if not more.  She went to a section she liked.  I went to mine.  We bought 'pink drinks' from Starbucks.  We wandered around the store separately.  We met up, and separated again, and met up again, and finally we were ready to check out. 

Then we went to McAlisters for dinner and ordered dine in for us and take out for Gary and Blaine.

She talked.  I listened.  She was near tears.  I listened.  I talked.  She listened. I didn't cry, but I did feel the release of emotions that I really needed.

I compare those pent up feelings to a pressure cooker or, in today's terms, an Instant Pot.  The ingredients are put into the heart and the mind, they simmer and brew, then boil and are ready to explode.  I can picture Mom's old pressure cooker with the bobble on the top of it, and the bobble starts to twists and turn and jump around on its post until the mixture inside is cooked, the heat is turned off, and the pressure finally escapes.

That is the way I feel sometimes. 

If the pressure isn't released, then I will explode, lash out at someone, be in a bad mood, and let's face it, my blood pressure will skyrocket.

Hence...(and I love that word, by the way)...a good cry is my 'bobble' for when the tension builds.

I can feel the pressure release. 

I can feel  my body relax.

I can feel my blood pressure lower.

All from a good cry.

And I can't discount the power of prayer too, because I have been praying fervently for God to take over these issues and let HIS will be done.  I can't do anything about any of it.  HE is in control.

A good cry.  A lot of prayer.  Answers to all of my problems!