"Words That Made My Heart Ache"

Yes, I am awake too early this morning.  I didn't go upstairs until 2 this morning to sleep.  Why?  I was working on ordering some things online, checking email, updating my gift lists, adding the finishing touches to the Christmas card letter...You know, important things like that. 

Yet I am awake at 7 a.m. and I know I am going to crash later today.  But something made me sit in the recliner instead of going back upstairs.

I am a morning person. I love the quiet of the early morning hours, watching the eastern sky brighten, and the hearing the day begin.  That is a topic for another blog post.....not today.
 
Today I checked my email and read the daily post from Proverbs 31 since the title caught my eye - the same one I used for the title of this post.

Wendy Pope, who is the author of Wait and See, also shared her thoughts in today's daily message.  Wait and See is the current OBS, one which I have enjoyed but also one which has been hard to follow because of time, which is ironic, and which is the subject for yet another blog post.

I seem to be digressing, don't I?

Anyway, her post was about getting older (aren't we all?) and noticing that at age 40 that she needed a large print Bible.  I remember the exact moment and where I was when I couldn't read the phone book in front of me at Mike's house in Waterloo, Wisconsin.  My first pair of bifocals were added to my collection of glasses.  As she was looking online for a new large print Bible, she read a comment about a used copy that looked like it was rarely used, and she felt sad for that person having never read the Bible.

Two things hit me with that statement. One is that for years *I* didn't read the Bible very much either. Not until that day in June 2002 when I found myself in Jim's office, in tears, ready to make a change in my life, did I really start to focus on God's word more than just listening to it on Sunday mornings.  The other thing is that I never remember anyone reading the Bible at home when Greta and I were growing up.  There was a black Bible on the coffee table, like it was something for people to look at when they came to visit, to give the impression that "oh yes, they are a good Christian family." But I realize now a never-opened Bible on a coffee table doesn't do that.  Only a well-worn Bible by a chair or on a bedside table that is marked up with highlights, stars, and underlines shows that the Bible has been used and is still being used.  Moreso the effects of reading that Bible by the way a person lives his/her life is further proof that the word of God has penetrated the Bible owner's soul.

Why does this make MY heart ache?  Once again, for a couple of reasons.  One is that I missed out on so much as I was growing up by NOT reading the Bible regularly.  The changes in my spiritual life and the effects on my life overall would have been drastic.  I wish I had been developing that closer relationship with Christ and His word so much earlier.  The other is that one thing Greta and I talk about concerning Mom is a matter for prayer for both of us.  Mom never reads the Bible, at least not that we have ever seen.  She is afraid to die.  We are not sure that what her relationship with God even is because she has always refused to discuss it, saying that she believes what she believes, which is different that what other people believe and other churches believe.  She won't talk to a minister.  I have never heard her pray.  I doubt that if we open that black Bible that was on the table that it would show any signs of being read in recent years---or ever. 

While her relationship with God concerns me, I know there is nothing I can do to encourage that, just like there is nothing that I can do to make her take her medicines or stop walking up and down the stairs or eat properly. It took me a while, but I finally have accepted that there is nothing I can do to be loved by my mother.  What I can do is pray for her.  What I can do is continue to study MY Bible and learn more about the word of God and how I can live a life more like Jesus.  I can encourage my husband, my daughters and sons-in-law, and my grandchildren in their relationships with Christ.

As I was thinking about various reasons for selling a Bible that had been rarely used, I realized there could be a variety of reasons why it had not been opened, none of which are really important.  What is important is that it did prompt some thought on Wendy's mind and heart, so much that she wanted to share that with her readers.  And it spurred me to think also, about my own reading of the Bible, my relationship with God, and how I need to focus on my own personal spiritual growth more each day.

Yes....these were "words that made my heart ache."