Moms

Gary's mom was diagnosed with bladder cancer in April.  She chose to monitor the tumors and, as long as he could, the doctor would 'scoop out' as much of the tumor and try to control the effects and the pain as best he could.  She has had a couple of 'scooping' procedures, has been hospitalized for other issues with her kidneys, and is trying to adjust to the decline in her strength.

Today was particularly difficult.  I hadn't seen her since our stop after church on Sunday since I went to Wabash and Logansport on Monday and was with Cooper on Tuesday and Wednesday.  This morning she looked so frail and small in the recliner, and she wasn't responding well to us.   Blaine had been at the house early this morning, and he was concerned about her as well.  She did eat half of a grilled cheese sandwich that Gary fixed for her (crusts cut off so it would be easier to eat) and a dreamsicle. She drank iced water.    But she never moved from her chair, and she was obviously hurting.

As I was driving home, tears came to my eyes because it seems like we are losing her.  She wasn't listening well, she was confused about some things, and she seemed so tired of just....everything.  I was hoping that she would have enough strength for a nice Thanksgiving and be able to see Mike, Angie, and Nick.  I was hoping that we would be able to celebrate Christmas with her.  Now I am not too sure of either of those.

Soon after I arrived home, Greta called.  She was in the Wooster  ER with Mom.  Mom had pressed her Life Alert button because she thought she was having a heart attack.  Long story, because everything with Mom IS a long story, but the bottom line is that the blood enzymes were elevated which indicated that she had had a heart attack.  She was being transferred to Canton Aultman for a heart cath and probably a couple of stents.  Greta said she was 'holding court' in the ER, talking non-stop to anyone who would listen.  She was totally against going to Aultman because the doctors there were not any good (because she had been told last fall by one of them that she couldn't drive any more).  Greta thinks she is afraid that the doctors will say that she shouldn't be living by herself or should move into assisted living...and she will fight that tooth and nail.    Anyway, she hasn't been taking her baby aspirin as she was told to do because she didn't think she needed it.  She didn't use the nitro pills that are by her chair when she was having chest pains because she forgot what they were for.  She didn't tell Greta that she was having chest pains since Monday and she always said "I'm fine!  Everything is a-ok" when she called twice a day to check in on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday.  She was doing her usual thing - pointing at Greta and calling her 'this one' and saying that she yelled at her in the ER and that Kent told her that Greta and I were 'at each other's throats' about the World Series (which is not true on either count - he didn't say that and we aren't ) and calling me 'that one in Indiana' and telling the EMT at the ambulance whose 4th grandchild was just born this morning at Aultman that she had a grandson with red hair just like hers. 

Totally different.  When we left the house today,  even as sick as she is, Agnes is yelling 'I love you guys' over and over.   Mom hasn't talked to us since mid-September and doesn't really care whether she does or not.   Agnes is fighting for her life and tries to do what is needed to  feel better.  Mom doesn't want to follow the doctor's orders because she knows more than they do and they have to be wrong about various aspects of her health care (like taking the baby aspirin).   Agnes knows she is failing.  Mom proclaims that she does everything for herself and is very active, even though she rarely leaves the house and hasn't walked to the back of her yard in years. 

Dilemma today - go to Ohio or stay here.   When I talked to Greta, the decision was easy.  Stay here.  Agnes needs me (and Gary).   Mom doesn't.  Greta will be there.  If something major happens and I really need to be there, she will let me know.  But Agnes needs us right now.   I can't take the chance that something might happen to her and we were sitting in a hospital room, listening to Mom prattle on and on about how stupid the doctors are at Aultman and how she knows more than they do.