Uninvited - Week 5

This has been a hard week for me to really focus on the three chapters in Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst.  I couldn't sleep this morning, so I took the opportunity to read Chapter 14, "Moving through the Desperate In-Between."

The very first sentence is highlighted in orange, so Lysa must have hit home with me from the beginning on this one.  "It only takes a teaspoon of rejection to drown an otherwise very alive soul with sorrow." And that fits me perfectly.  One little remark, one movement away from me, one slight of some sort, and my mind conjures up all types of feelings of rejection.  What did I say this time?  What did I do? I re-hash every movement, every word, every look, something I didn't hear or maybe I read someone else wrong and now I would be cast aside....all of those fears come rushing at me.  Why?  I really think it is because I was so conditioned to walking on eggshells when I was growing up.  I was so scared to say something wrong, to be excited then have my happiness balloons quickly punctured, to not do something that was expected or to react the wrong way, and that condition is still with me. It's better.  But it is still there, lurking around.

As I continued through the chapter, I read "We must feel the pain to heal the pain."  Case in point is a few weeks ago.  While I can steel my mind against assaults that might happen, my heart is still vulnerable.  The difficulty lies in the feelings of what I should do and feel and what I actually do and feel.  The most recent encounter I now realize was a defining moment for me.  I did feel the pain during the visit.  It was hard for me to sit and not talk, to let the words bounce off and not respond at all, to listen to what we knew were embellished stories and probably lies, but I walked away feeling undamaged from the encounter.  My pain was healing.

But I also now realize these things from Lysa:  "Pain is the indicator that brokenness exists.  Plain is the reminder that the real enemy is trying to take us out and bring us down by keeping us stuck in broken places.  Pain is the gift that motivates us to fight with brave tenacity and fierce determination knowing there's healing on the other side."

Later Lysa writes:  "if we avoid the hurt, the hurt creates a void in us.  It slowly kills the potential for our hearts to fully feel, fully connect, fully love again.  It allows the rejection of a person to steal the best potential from every other relationship we desperately want and need.  It even steals the best in our relationship with God."

And because of the hurt, I strive to be a better mother and a better grandmother. In the healing process, which will never end, I am finding strength.  In the past few weeks I have truly enjoyed being with Landon, Tessa, Cooper, and Owen.  Not that I haven't before, but I feel like my focus on them has been stronger.  My grandchildren will not have an absent grandmother.  



 

Prayer is always difficult for me, and I think I would benefit greatly on a Bible study that focuses on just that.  But Lysa once again hits me with this "When I feel hurt, I get quiet. "  Oh boy, do I ever.  Then she follows with "To keep my prayers from feeling forced and insincere, I pray Psalm 91.....My favorite way to use Scripture-led prayer is to journal my way through them.  Record them as you pray them. Then personalize them by adding your own thoughts, personal requests, and inspired insights the Lord gives you."  This will work.  I like this.  I can do this.

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."