Prayer Journal #23

 "All that My Father gives Me will come to Me; and the one who comes to Me I will most certainly not cast out [I will never, never reject anyone who follows Me]. "  John 6:37

 This is another repeat of our daily devotions, this time about rejection.  The main lesson is that even though we may have felt like we have been rejected, maybe by not making a team or being chosen for a promotion or to lead a project, we are still safe and welcomed into the arms of Jesus because He will never reject us, not for any reason, not at any time.

Reading this devotion was hard because I have felt rejected and I know why. When one is told repeatedly that she is not good enough, that no one will like her for HER but only like her for their own selfish reasons (like having their children in school so that the children will receive better grades) or because of her association with others (as in being Gary's wife or the mother of Megan or Hilary), then those feelings of rejection stick and they are hard to overcome.  It was one thing to feel rejected as a child, but to feel rejected as an adult is hard. Just hard.  And it is even harder when the rejection comes from a parent.  Not coming to visit when invited.   Stating that having a hair appointment is more important than attending Grandparents' Day. Choosing the daughters of the hair stylist over her own granddaughters.  Visiting with other grandparents at the one Grandparents' Day attended instead of being with the granddaughter in her classroom to see what she and her class has prepared for their special guests.Mediocre responses to good news phone calls to then be replaced by enthusiastic sharing of accomplishments of other people.  

Even though I am an adult (and seem to be classified as a senior citizen) those feelings of rejection are hard to overcome.  Since we moved four years ago, my circle of friends has shrunk.  The COVID pandemic didn't help anything either.  I feel so often like I have no friends any more.  All of my 'old' friends are either busy with their jobs and their families or they forget that the road runs both ways and are too busy or think it is too far to make the trip to visit.  Legitimate reasons, I know, but I also feel that if they really wanted to get together, we would.  So I feel rejected.

I also hesitate to make new friends.  Most of the people we meet are connected to Megan or Hilary so they are of their same age group.  There was an opportunity to join a new small group at our new church, just for women, but the first two meetings are the two Sundays that we will be on our trip to SC and TN.  We will also be gone for two Sundays in October for the trip to the Gulf Coast.  Secretly, I was glad we will be gone because I fear rejection.  I am afraid that the ladies would ignore me, not include me in the conversations, and just make me feel miserable, wondering why I even tried to meet new people. I fear rejection.

Rhonda and I have been sharing devotions for four years now.  We have our own FB page that we post on. We post the daily devotion, then each of us comment and share ideas and thoughts.  We have talked on the phone a couple of times, but we have never met face to face.  We have joked that if we ever do meet in person, we will be talking non-stop.  However....part of me fears rejection.  If we do ever meet in person, will we still be friends?  Will we still share devotions?  Part of me is terrified that she would not want to be my friend any more.  Why would she?  I am not a person who is worthy of friendship.

So I am praying fervently for a change of heart, a change of feeling rejected.  I want to feel like I am worthy of someone caring about me, about someone liking me for me.  I am not a person who is worthless like my mom always made me think and feel.  I have a wonderful husband, two special beautiful daughters, and five fantastic grandchildren, plus two super sons-in-law and an extended family that is just great.  Plus our home has become a center for family gatherings which is very special.  And I know that Jesus is my Savior and His love is unending.  

Father, than You for always making me welcome in Your presence and for never rejecting me.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.