Then there is Mom.....

While we are struggling with Agnes, Gary's mom, and trying to make her comfortable in the last stages of her battle with bladder cancer, my mom has a bad heart valve.

This is serious.  The valve is not working properly, and it is hindered the flow of blood.  This faulty valve caused the heart attack(s) last week.  There could be more heart attacks, and one of those could be fatal.  The cardiologist predicted that if the valve is not replaced, Mom will die within the next year.  Mom has been told this.

Several things have happened in the last few days that are just unsettling and mind-boggling.

One is....she was given medication to take every night before bed.  When the discharge nurse explained this, Mom said she didn't take medicine at night and wouldn't start now.  The nurse explained.  Mom protested.  Mom continued to talk (like she always does) and didn't listen to the nurse at all (and she has problems hearing which compounds the problem).  The nurse asked her to stop talking and listen to her. Mom continued to talk and protest.  On Monday Kent and Greta bought her a new pill caddy with the time splits, picked up her new meds, and arranged them so she would know which ones to take and when.  She refused to take the ones at night.  She doesn't take medicine at night, only in the morning. Kent was upset and frustrated with her (which doesn't happen very often).

Yesterday when Kent and Greta picked her up for the appointment at Canton Aultman, she had not taken her nightly meds.  The pills were still in the pill caddy.  She doesn't take meds at night, remember? Only in the morning.

Now I just don't understand that.  I am one who mentally records the time I take Tylenol to be sure I don't take another dose too early.  I am the one who keeps my two pill reminder boxes filled and checks them several times a day to be sure I didn't miss a dose. I finish medicine to the end, even when I feel better.  When Dr. Oletjen told me to take a smaller dose of one med in the evening with my Xeralto, that is what I do.

Another thing is something I heard of the conference call and Greta and Kent picked up on also.  The cardiologist said that he needs to be sure that the patient has a zest of living, a love of life, and reasons to have the surgery.  He asked Mom how she felt about 'living life,' if she enjoyed it, and what was important to her.  Her response was that oh yes, she had an active life.  She enjoyed her books, her reading of newspapers.  She was active and did yard work, working with her flowers, cooked for herself all the time.  Yes, she enjoyed having her things around her so that her life was full.  Of course my first thought was that she cooks with the microwave, will say that she nibbled on a few crackers for dinner, and the most 'yard work' she does is to criticize the lawn service for mowing off her hostas.  She can barely walk to the mailbox for her mail and the newspaper, and that is about the only time she goes outside.

You know, when people ask me about my retirement, I always tell them I want to spend more time with my grandchildren and helping out Gary's mom, being with Gary in the combine, doing things with my family, sewing quilts for them, traveling with them, being with them.

Not Mom.  She wants her books.  She loves her house.  She creates the picture of how busy and active she is at her house by herself.  There was no mention of wanting to spend time with her daughters, her sons-in-law, her granddaughters and their husbands, or her grandchildren.  No.  Just her books and her other things in her house.  Those are what are important to her.

I have been thinking about this week.  Gary and I have spent so much time with his mom, arranging for hospice care, taking care of her needs, washing soiled clothes and sheets, fixing her strawberry milkshakes which is the only thing that tastes good to her and that she can keep down.  She still has a sparkle in her eye, a good grip when she squeezes my hand, and a love for all of us (because she is always telling us how much she loves us). She wants to see her great-grandchildren (Cooper visited her last night; Landon, Tessa, and Owen will be there tonight).

You, know, if taking pills at night would be all that was needed to make her better and give her more time with her family, my dear sweet dying mother-in-law would jump at that chance.  The four kids mean everything to her and definitely perk her up each time they visit.

Then there is Mom.  She won't take her medicine.  She has had this heart valve issues for 40 years (according to the records the doctor looked at), but she never told us.  It has always been obvious that her things are more important to her than her family. She doesn't care whether she sees us or not.  She never calls, never writes a note, never asks about any of us.

Yes.. then there is Mom.