Lack of Sleep? Maybe

 I have just been off today.  Really off.  

When I woke up for my first bathroom break at 1:00 a.m., everything seemed foggy.  Then I couldn't return to sleep.  I was wide awake.  I mean...really wide awake with mind racing and body tense.  If I had checked, I am sure my heart rate would have been high.  I felt really wired.

What was going through my mind?

Well, for one thing.....COVID.  I know Gary and I both had it.  I know that we have both been vaccinated.  But I also know that there are breakthrough cases and people are picking it up easily.  We haven't been wearing masks---they haven't been required so we haven't worn them except for one winery in Dane County.  We haven't been strict about sanitizing our hands.  We did a few times, but not after each and every time we were in a store or restaurant or stopped at a gas station.

To make that matter worse were two things:  Clay tested positive.  He refused the vaccine.  He had been in close contact with several people during the days he didn't feel well but hadn't yet been tested.  Then Karen tested positive also.  Her symptoms were lighter than his; since she had been vaccinated, the threat wasn't as great with her.  But still...my mind was racing.  What if we hadn't been careful enough?  What if we picked up something in Wisconsin?  What if we were one of those cases who had had COVID and thus the antibodies, had taken the two shots of the Pfizer vvacine, and still became ill to the point of hospitalization and ventilators and ICU...and death?  What if?  My mind was going wild!

Next thing?  Sister Clarice's death.  The siblings and I had a group chat yesterday which evolved into Mike's banter about canes and jumping the Nun Cult members. I know that Chuck Jansen has been the contact because he is Sister Martin's nephew, but it seemed like the real family had been forgotten about.  A check into his FB page verified that.  As thoughts went through my mind, something came to me finally.  This was NOT my battle to fight.  Yes, I am part of the Siemens family, but she is NOT my aunt.  If anyone would be working with Chuck to bring her back to Tipton for burial (which is not going to happen), or plan a memorial in Kokomo or Tipton, it won't be me.   I am not the relative.  Gary doesn't care.  He remembers Sister Clarice calling his mom on Christmas Eve, maybe the year before she died, maybe two years, and telling her she was dying.  Agnes was SO upset by that.  Of course she didn't die.  I am not sure what happened or why she called to tell her that or anything more about it.  But Gary remembers how upset his mom was and how that one phone call ruined her Christmas. Sandy won't be following up on planning anything, nor will Karen, especially with COVID now.  Mike is in Kansas, and even though he was talking big, he won't act on any of it.  If he does anything, it will probably be to send a huge flower arrangement with his, Angie's, and Nick's names on the card.  Besides that...we were the outcasts in the family because we were not Catholic.  Lutheran wasn't close enough.  The Sisters did not attend any of our weddings, those of the girls nor their graduations.  So there is that too.  Betty was contacted, but I don't see her, Judy, or Nancy jumping in to help with planning a memorial service.  Danny's and Frank's kids? Not likely.   So why am I worried about it?  Key word is the verb in that question.  I was, but I am not now.  It's not my battle to fight.  She isn't my aunt, except through marriage.  

I finally fell asleep around 4:30 and slept until close to 6.  Gary had to take the red Escape in to have the piece re-attached (it fell off when we first arrived at The Dells two weeks ago).  As a result I have been tired all day.  I slept for about 90 minutes when we came home from  Delphi.  I slept for about 30 minutes in the recliner before Owen came after school.   I was dragging while fixing chicken and noodles for Hilary and the kids for dinner.  It was hard.

I know I don't function well without sleep.  I know I need at least 7 hours of shut-eye a night.  And tonight will be the start of that new trend for me!  

I need sleep.