Mother's Day 2017

If my memory serves me correctly, the last Mother's Day I spent with my mother had been in either 1972 or 1973. 

Those years the Hendersons were still living in Mt. Vernon.  Well, kind of.  I was in college at Indiana State University.  Dad had moved to Shreve, Ohio in the late winter of 1973 to take a new job at Diamonite.  Mom and Greta were still in Mt. Vernon until after Greta's high school graduation.  I graduated from ISU on May 13, 1973.  That could have been Mother's Day, but I am not sure.  I do know that Mom was the only one who attended my graduation since Dad was in Ohio and Greta was at Kings Island on a band trip.  Mom was not happy about having to attend my graduation, but if she hadn't, I would have had no family at the ceremony.  She came.  I graduated.  We drove home. 

From 1974-1976 I was teaching at West Central.  It was too close to the end of the school year to take a weekend trip to Ohio, especially when I would spend some time around Memorial Day there.  That would be the time of Mom and Dad's anniversary and Dad's birthday and I would have more time before my summer school classes began at Purdue.

After 1976 not only was school being in session a factor in my not traveling to Ohio for Mother's Day, but Gary farmed and May is not exactly the time to be taking a trip anywhere!    It just didn't happen.  We would usually go to Ohio at some point in the summer, but not for Mother's Day.

Later farming was an issue, and even after I became a college professor and graduation was usually around my birthday, we still didn't make a trip to Ohio.

In fact I dreaded Mother's Day where Mom was concerned.  She never acknowledged receiving a card.  Greta would go to Petitti's and buy two hanging baskets to deliver on that Sunday, one from her and one from me.  She wouldn't acknowledge that either.   

I would call her,usually when the girls were around so that we could ALL yell "Happy Mother's Day" and chat a bit.  Once again when I heard about it later, it was always a call too late or too early or she was busy.

One phone call I remember was when Blaine called and we all yelled and chatted and joined in the conversation.  Later I heard that Blaine had called her but I didn't say anything. 

Nothing I ever did was right.  Nothing was appreciated.  Everything was ignored.

But then in 2017 both Greta and I were with Mom on Mother's Day.

Gary and I had been on a spring trip to Charleston, SC, then to Myrtle Beach.  Our trip was to end with a visit to Mom in the nursing home over Mother's Day weekend.

Well, plans changed a bit because Mom wasn't paying attention to the directives from the nursing staff at the care center.  Instead of ringing for help to use the bathroom at night, she decided to go on her own.  She fell.  She broke a hip.  She was admitted to the hospital.  She was not recovering well.

When we arrived at the hospital, Mom had sepsis.  Neither Greta nor I wanted to enter the room.  We stood outside the door and waved at her.  Finally Gary donned the gown, mask, and gloves and entered the room to help her with writing messages on a white board for us.  Communication was limited at best.  But she did know we were there.  She acknowledged our presence.  We told her Happy Mother's Day, and when I left, I told her I loved her.  I remember her waving one hand at me as I turned and walked away from the room.

That was the last time I saw her alive.

We returned to Indiana on Tuesday.  I could have visited her again on Monday, but I didn't want to.  I didn't want to try to enter the room.  I didn't know what to say.  I just didn't want to go.  So I didn't.  Each day after that Greta called me with updates.

One of the ministers at Greta's church visited her.  He talked with her.  He asked if he could pray with her. 

On Thursday evening the nurses said she had been agitated.  Restless.  They called Greta.

She finally calmed in the night.  And early on Friday morning she died.

The strange thing is....up until after dinner this evening, on this Mother's Day when I had been thinking about my two daughters and my mother-in-law, I hadn't remembered that Mother's Day 2017 was the first one I had spent with Mom....and the last one of her life.  It was the last time I ever saw my mom alive.