Just Scared

Ok...up until yesterday, I wasn't really too scared about what was happening here.

There is a deadly virus making its way through the people of our country---and around the world.

Statistically right now the effects haven't been as bad as diseases from past years, such as H1N1 or SARS or Ebola. 

The thing is...no one knows how widespread this will be and what will happen over the next month.

I have decided that I am not watching the news anymore.  The commentators this morning were predicting that at least 50% of Americans would be affected by this.  That would mean at least 5 people in our little family would have it.

Much as I try NOT to think of myself as one of the elderly, I guess I am in that category now.  I am 68; Gary is 69.  What I heard was that people over the age of 60 were particularly susceptible.  That means us.

Also those with underlying conditions could be prone to the disease.  I have had pneumonia twice.  I had bronchitis in December/January.  Gary has had a persistent cough and is diabetic.  Does that mean we are prone to this?

We decided NOT to go out to eat anymore.  We are trying to avoid stores and crowds.  We stayed home from church today.  We were out late on Thursday evening for groceries.  We haven't been out of the house since. 

But people are coming to us.

Hilary and Blaine have been out and about.  They are careful, and they sanitize.  But they are out and about.  We are watching the kids while they work.

Megan and Matt have to go to school tomorrow.  They asked if I could watch Cooper and Lynnlee while they go to school and pick up what they need for the next three weeks.

Are any of them sick now?  No.  But they could have been exposed and be carrying the germs and passing them on to us.  I hope not.

Karen and Clay were here last night.  They are both working. I know that Karen is taking precautions because of her health issues.  We did sanitize everything after they left.  But it still scares me.

Then this morning I felt like a cold was coming on, but that is a normal feeling for me.  Usually after a shower my nose opens up and my sinuses clear.  I did take a Mucinex this morning though, just to ward off anything that might be starting.

I am so afraid that we will be sick.  I am so afraid that Gary will be coughing and have a fever and insist that he is ok.  I am afraid that I will get it.  I am afraid that we will call the ER or Urgent Care or the doctor and there will be no help for us.  We will just be left to die.

I am just afraid.

But I can't live each day like that.  I have to think positive, right?  I can't be looking for trouble.

I can't ask Gary each time he coughs if he is ok.

I can't be terrified of feeling warm and having a fever.

But I am .

I am scared.