Sometimes my mind....

...works in a negative way.

Ok...so since we have returned from Florida a few weeks ago, several people that we know (or know of) have died.

As Gary told me yesterday, people die every day.  Sometimes the people are those that we know, or know of, and it just happens.

First --Sharon Witt.  I know we haven't seen her for YEARS, but she and Norm were part of our Lions Club life when Leo was a District Governor and then Indiana Council Chairman.  They would always attend the same conventions and meetings and we would always chat.  Their children, Becky and Allan, had been students of mine.  When we were first married, it seemed like they attended many of the same weddings we did.  They could really dance well together -- that stood out to me.  I can still see them dancing, cheek to cheek and hands held straight down.  They definitely had their own style.  She died, according to her obituary, in Sebring, Florida, and we had just been there the week before her death.  We could have stopped to visit with her had we known.

Next - Tom.  The guy who hired me at Ivy Tech.  My friend.  I wrote about him in a post before.

At the Fitness Center just after Tom died, Megan the Trainer told me that Charlotte, Charlie's wife, had passed away.  Now I didn't know Charlotte, but Charlie was part of our 8:30 group and he is always so nice and friendly, conversational when we rode bikes before our session, and he was just a very nice guy.  I felt bad for him because I knew his wife had been ill for several months and that family was very important to him, judging by his talk of his children and all of his grandchildren who attended Purdue.

At the end of that week Hilary stopped to drop off Owen for the evening while they went to an event at Purdue and told us that Grandma Walker had died.  I think I wrote about her death earlier also.  She was the last of the five great-grandparents who had attended Landon's adoption party in 2010.  She was a sweet lady, but she was 94 and had lived a good life.  Being in an assisted living facility long-term was not fun for her. She will be missed by the family

Wendy our realtor from Francesville texted me that Amanda whose fiance bought our house last June had been diagnosed with leukemia.  They had taken a trip to Cozumel the week we were at Disney World.  After their return she went to the doctor for some test results, was diagnosed with leukemia and was hospitalized immediately so treatment could begin.  Within a couple of weeks the cancer had spread to her brain, and she died on Valentine's Day.  Her memorial service was yesterday.  She had been living in our old house with her daughter and John, who bought the house.  I didn't know her, but just because I could picture her and her family living in the rooms where I had spent 40+ years of my life made me feel sad for her and those she left behind.

Then I opened up the Frain Mortuary website to check on obituaries and saw Chase's name and picture.  A former student who graduated in the last class I had at West Central.  One of my Student Council members.  Dead.  I wrote about him also a few days ago.

All of those deaths have bothered me.  All of those people have been on my mind, even if I hadn't seen most of them for some time.  Even if I had never met them.  I still felt that connection. And they died. 

Older people who had lived a good life.

People who had been ill.

A person who collapsed in front of his class.

Young people afflicted with disease.

And my mind went off in all directions, scared about adding more names to the list.

What if something else happened to someone in our family?

What if out of nowhere one of us was diagnosed with a horrible disease?

What if there were a collapse, followed by sudden death?

What if...

What if...

 What if....

And my mind affects my body.

So the aches began.

The pains in my chest.

Sudden jabs of pain in my forehead.

Listlessness.

Fear.

Every twinge.  Every muscle that moved.  Every twitch.

Until....we went to the ball games yesterday.  I spent the entire time we with Karen, Clay, Amanda, and Chris feeling fine. Well, except for my knee that hurt.

No pains.  No shortness of breath.  No jabs in my chest.  No twinges. 

Is it all in my head?  Probably. 

I also attribute it to having nothing else to focus on right now.  No big projects.  No trips coming up.  No events to plan for.   Just random days with no big plans. 

I need to be busy.

I need to have a focus.

I need to get my mind onto other things and forget about all of these people dying.

Right?