Negative Thoughts

I mentioned before about the Lent devotional I am reading, Zip It by Karen Ehman.  The Keep-It-Shut 40-Day Challenge.

The lesson so far has been, in a nutshell, to select our words wisely, to focus on positives rather than negatives, and to change our way of thinking which will impact the words that we write and speak and tumble around in our minds.

Today I'll try to tie two things together - negative words and talking to Mom.

I mentioned previously that part of my conversational plan with Mom was to start her thinking and talking about geneology and take notes for Megan's research.  That worked well since many older people have sharper memories about events and people from the past.  Plus Megan would be super excited about new information that she could add to the family research which has been her focus.

After listening to her for two days, I realized that everything she shared had a negative spin to it.

One name I questioned was an adopted daughter - raised by my great-grandparents because her parents didn't want her

The daughter on one of Grandma Greta's aunts worked in a bar and was a harlot

One aunt and uncle of Grandma's didn't have any children --- at least in the marriage. Of course he had lots of other women he supposedly visited frequently

Uncle Don was married to Grace.  And Clara.  And there were three more at least.  No names because he didn't bring them around too much and she didn't remember all of them.

Uncle Elbert and Aunt Dora had 8 children.  Jeanne Ann.  Mary Louise.  Barbara.  Ethel.  Gary.   Then there were Jeff and Susan who they SAID were their children but they were really Barbara's children.  Wait.  8 children. Oh yes.  8.  There were  (hushed tones ) at least three abortions.

Another aunt had to be illegitimate because she looked like no one else in the family.  Mom thought there had been a rape and the baby was passed off as the daughter when she really wasn't.

One of Dad's cousins didn't know who his father was, which was a shock to Dad.  During one visit he told Dad that he knew that Dad's aunt was his mother, but he really didn't know who his real father was.  Dad was shocked.

One of Mom's cousins lost one son in a car accident, another to a bar fight, another in Vietnam.

One man who was a Quaker was a big drinker and was drunk all the time.

Another woman had burns all over her arms (found by the funeral director after her death).

The son of one of the cousins was in trouble constantly and spent more time in jail than in 'real life.'

Another woman made pies by just dumping pumpkin into the pie shell with no seasonings whatsoever and was such a horrible cook.

One man didn't own any of his own property.  Plus there were some shady things happening with his finances when he was about to die.

Another man racked up such a huge debt at the hardware store that when his young son returned a left handed ball glove to exchange for a right handed glove, the proprietor took the glove and kept it.

I didn't hear anything about great cooks, happy families, fun times with reunions, good conversations, quilting parties, flower gardens, fun life on the farm, nothing positive.

As I thought about it, and through reading the devotions from Zip It, I know why I struggle so much with positivity.   Even though I tried so hard to be positive with my students, to help them succeed, and I hope to be positive with the girls when they were little and even now, I still struggle with being positive in my personal thoughts - about myself.  My merit.  My worth.  Could that be because of all the negative things I always heard as I was growing up? 

Mom has always focused on the negative about me, about Greta, about my family, about Dad, about the neighbors, about their friends,  and about life in general.  She still does. Why is that?  What is the good that comes from constant negativity?

To tie this all together - the study of Zip It so far has been enlightening in many aspects of my life, from organizing my thoughts, to conversations with Mom, and to focusing on the positive rather than negatives not only in conversations but in life.

And I also firmly believe that even though Mom will never change, I can control what I think and feel and how I react---positively.