Muddled Memory

When we visited with Mom over the weekend, we noticed that her memory is muddled which is a definite sign of dementia.

I had decided before we visited her a plan for conversing.  She knows so much about the family history and since Megan is working on geneology, this would be a great topic for conversation.  And it worked.  Mom talked and talked about the Cattells, the Clemsons, the Ritchies, and as much as she could about the Kerns.  She added in a little about the Hendersons, but not too much.

However about other things she rambles and is confused.

Three cases were these:

When I taught high school classes, one of the issues we had for a couple of years was the students, especially the boys, wearing hats to class.  Most of the time it wouldn't have been an issue, but when big cowboy hats appeared and students couldn't see around them for note-taking or videos, when guys were pulling down the bills and sleeping during class, or when I couldn't see their faces when I was trying to help them with homework, something had to change.  "Hats off in the classroom" was the policy I adopted.  It was very simple - take the hat off before class started and place it under the desk or out of the way, then retrieve it when the bell rang.  I never took them.  I didn't touch them.  I didn't put them into my possession.  That lasted just a year or two, then there was a school wide "No hats" policy, and the problem was resolved.  Mom's version is different and I have heard it twice in the last couple of months.  She was telling the nursing assistants that I used to make my students put their hats in a box in the hallway, then their parents would get mad, and the parents would come in and yell at me.  None of that happened.  On Monday when she was relaying the story, I just smiled and shook my head and mouthed "That didn't happen" to the two gals standing in the doorway, and they understood.  Just let her talk. Correcting her wouldn't serve any purpose.  And overall, does it matter?  No.  It doesn't.

Mom was talking about Megan's wedding for some reason and recounted my anger before it started.  She said that I was so mad that I walked to the front of the church and pounded on the podium because the music was wrong and the programs weren't there.  I stopped her and told her that never happened, and she continued with Fred causing problems because he wanted his girlfriend to sit in the front of the church.  Gary chimed in then and explained that she was mixing up the two weddings, that Fred's 'girlfriend' was actually his wife, and that I was not yelling and pounding the podium before Megan and Matt's wedding. In fact we didn't think there were even a podium at the front of the church for either wedding!  She insisted that we were wrong and that it did happen because she remembered it happening in our church for one wedding or the other.  But it didn't matter.  She would ask Greta because Greta would confirm what she knew.  So what did I do?  Change the subject back to genealogy again.  She is just confused.  Does it matter?  No.  Will she ever be convinced that she is wrong?  No.  Does it make me mad?  No.  I know it didn't happen.  Gary knows it didn't happen. It didn't.

The final thing, for this post at least, is her visit to Dr. Gesler.  While Dr. Sardar was out of the exam room, she was explaining to us how she could take care of her bruised hip on her own.  She could rub cream on it.  She could take Tylenol.  She knew that one morning she would wake up and the pain would be gone.  In fact she had just been to see Dr. Gesler in the last 6-8 months and he said the pins were fine in her hip and nothing was wrong with her.  After she mentioned the Dr. Gesler visit a few times, I asked "Did Greta take you to that?  I don't remember her telling me about going to see Dr. Gesler."  Her response was this:  "No Greta didn't go with me. I went on my own.  I got in the pick up and drove myself to his office to see him and he said the pins were fine and I was perfectly fine."  Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mom.  So I said, "That couldn't have been in the last 6-8 months, Mom.  Dad's truck was wrecked nearly 3 years ago so that would have been before that."  She stopped.  She didn't understand.  She started to say something.  "No it was just a few months ago."  "No Mom. It was probably three or so years ago."  She stopped.  Then she said that time goes by so fast and she really couldn't remember because it seemed like it just happened.  Once again, dementia.  The look on her face was confusion.  I knew that dementia was working.  Is it a big deal that she said that?  No.  For many dementia patients, this is the norm.  They lose track of time, and some events that happened years ago seem like they just happened.  The big giveaway with Mom this time was the look in her eyes and the uneasy silence, then the act or trying to recover.

Muddled Memory is something we will have to deal with each time we visit Mom.  She will be confused.  She will insist that something she recalls just happened or that it happened the way she said.  The key is to smile, accept it, and move on.  Gary had to remind me of this with a couple of 'looks' and a slight jab to my leg when she was talking about Dr. Gesler.  Just nod and smile and move on.  If she had said it in front of Dr. Sardar and he were noting it on her chart, then that would have been difference.  But just casual conversation?  Not important.