Fear? Anxiety?

 School is in session again.  The Rossville crew has been attending school for a week now.  The CP group is in their second day of the new year.  Everyone is super cautious, wearing masks, wiping down everything with antiseptic cloths, and practicing social distancing as much as one can in a school.  There seems to be a feeling of waiting for 'the next shoe to drop' or in this situation 'the first case to be reported.'

I just don't know what to think.  I really don't.

I am nervous about someone in our family being sick with this virus.  While I know that many of those infected have mild cases or just need to self-quarantine for two weeks, then they are fine, I am still leery because of the reports I hear frequently about deaths.  For example, one of my DWLZ friends has been reporting on a friend of hers and his journey with COVID-19 from his diagnosis a few weeks ago, through his hospitalization and use of a respirator and the need for dialysis because of kidney failure, to his eventual death this week.  It scares me that something like that could happen to one of us.

Then I read something like this:

I didn’t write this but yes....a friend and I were just speaking these exact words!

Is there someone out there who can tell me what our end game is with the Rona? 🦠

What is the magic formula that is going to allow us to sound the all clear? Is it zero cases? The only way that will happen is if we just stop testing and stop reporting.

Is it a vaccine💉? It took 25 years for a chicken pox vaccine to be developed. The smallpox inoculation was discovered in 1776 the last known natural case was in 1977. We have a flu vaccine that is only 40 to 60% effective and less than half of the US population chooses to get one, and roughly 20,000 Americans still die of the flu or flu complications. Oh, you'll mandate it, like other vaccines are mandated in order to attend school, travel to some foreign countries, etc. We already have a growing number of anti vaxxers refusing proven, tested, well known vaccines that have been administered for decades but aren’t necessarily safe! Do you really think people will flock to get a fast tracked, quickly tested vaccine, whose long term side effects and overall efficiency are anyone's best guess? How long are we going to cancel and postpone and reconsider?

You aren't doing in person school until second quarter? What if October's numbers are the same as August's?

You moved football to spring? What if next March is worse than this one was?

When do we decide quality of life outweighs the risks?

I understand Covid can be deadly or very dangerous for SOME people, so is shellfish, peanut butter and bee stings. We take risks multiple times a day without a second thought.

We know driving a car can be dangerous, we don't leave it in the garage. We know the dangers of smoking, drinking and eating fried foods, we do it anyway. We speed, we don't buckle our seatbelts, we take more than directed and quite a few of us don't think twice about unprotected whoopie, we just hop right in (or on.)

Is hugging Grandma really more dangerous than rush hour on the freeway? Is going to the bar with friends after work more risky than 4 day old gas station sushi? Or operating a chainsaw? When and how did we so quickly lose our free will?

Is there a waiver somewhere I can sign that says, "I understand the risks, but I choose a life with Hugs and Smiles, and the State Fair and Concerts and Homecoming."

✅ I understand that there is a minuscule possibility I could die, but I will most likely end up feeling like crap for a few days.

✅ I understand I could possibly pass it to someone else, if I'm not careful, but I can pass any virus onto someone else.

I'm starting to ramble and I apologize, but I'm struggling to see where or how this ends. We get busy living or we get busy dying.

When God decides it's your time, you don't get any mulligans, so I guess I would rather spend my time enjoying it and living in the moment and not worrying about what ifs and maybes, and I bet I'm not the only one.

(I didn’t write this above text and the original author is unknown but it’s as if all my thoughts were extracted and written by someone else! This is so spot on!)

And I am not sure what to think or believe.  While I agree with many of the points made in that post, I still don't want to think "Well, if we hadn't gone to that restaurant that evening or if we had just stayed home instead of making that trip to Ohio, this might not have happened.  We didn't make very good choices, did we?" and then it will be too late.

So what do we do?

I guess we continue to do what we have been doing.

We wear our masks. 

We practice social distancing.

We use hand sanitizer when we go places and return to the car.

We went to southern Indiana for our anniversary last weekend, ate in four restaurants away from other customers, wore our masks when we needed to do that, spent time with no one other than ourselves, and enjoyed a good time away from home for a couple of days.

But I don't want to do that all the time.

I am happy at home. I like being here.  We are fine in our new house and we have plenty of room outside to wander, sit, and enjoy fresh air.

The people who are most important to us we do see often.  Family.  

But I do miss friends.  I miss impromptu gatherings.  I miss inviting people to come here for brunch or dessert and catching up. I would love to invite Barb and Gretchen for an afternoon of chatting and food, but I am leery of doing that.

Sometimes I think life is just going along as normal, as it should be.  Then I remember that maybe we should just stay home.  Maybe we should re-think something before we do it.  Maybe we really don't need to go there after all, do we?

Just be safe.  Wear masks.  Keep our distance.  Sanitize. 

And try NOT to be anxious and NOT to be scared.

I am trying.  I really am.  It's just hard sometimes.