New Word of the Year

I think I posted earlier about my Word of the Year being Faith.  It seemed like a good idea to focus on Faith because there are so many facets of Faith that I need to work on.  However, the other day I found a book that has re-directed my focus.

When we stopped at a Target in Port Charlotte, Florida, I wasn't really looking for a new book.  We had driven to Punta Gorda to try a seafood restaurant, then crossed the bridge to find a Target so that I could look for a cover for the new iPad we purchased at the Verizon store in Bradenton on Sunday.

The title of the book?  The Self-Care Prescription, but Robyn L Gobin, PhD.  My friend Karen from Michigan had selected Self-Care as her Word of the Year last year.  She was going through a divorce, was living in an apartment, then moved back to the house her husband had vacated, was teaching diabetes classes, and was working at the hospital and volunteering in the local theatres.  Self-care seemed to be a perfect fit for her, and she was seeing a therapist as well.

As I flipped through the book, I noticed several sections for focus:  physical, social, intellectual, vocational, spiritual, and emotional.  Those seemed vital to me.  I had already written about the need for friends in my life.  I have addressed the need for spiritual growth.  I am working on the physical aspect of my life with my membership at the Fitness Center.  But I need work on all of those areas more and explore the other three (emotional, intellectual, and vocational) I hadn't even thought about.

Hmmmm...

Maybe I had hit on something.

So the book was tossed into the cart, taken back to the retirement community where we were staying, and I started to read.

I found myself underlining several sentences in the introduction to the book.  Self-care is about making yourself a priority.   Yes.  Yes it is. I need to put caring for myself first because I am important. If I am not at my best, I can't be good for others.

Giving yourself what you need to be happy, healthy, and fully present for your life.  How did I get through the holidays?  I muddled through.  I was tired.  I was close to tears most of the time. I just wanted them to be over.  I didn't enjoy them much.  A little.  Not much.  Right now, if I stop to think about memories from Christmas, I can't really think of much that was fun. It seemed like work, and  I was so worried about everyone else being happy or enjoying everything that I just wasn't happy myself  and I didn't enjoy it.  I don't want my life to be that way.

And most importantly...these things:  Self-care is not always fun or relaxing, and you won't always 'feel like' doing it.  Sometimes self-care involves forgiving yourself for past mistakes, setting boundaries in relationships, making that medical or dental appointment you've been putting off, saying no to a fun night out because you're sleep deprived, or choosing to walk away from a job or a relationship you have outgrown.  Yep.  I need to read that and read it again...and then read it again. It's more than just getting a pedicure or spending an afternoon under a blanket, reading a favorite book.

I like this too:  Self-care is about taking a serious look in the mirror and making changes that will give your life more balance, meaning, purpose, and fulfillment.  I like this as well because of the words:  balance, meaning, purpose, and fulfillment.  I focus too much on just one thing.  Or maybe two.  I need more balance.  WE need more balance.  I need more purpose.  I have a few purposes and a few things I like to do, but there is more that I am missing out on.  Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at the Fitness Center may be a little expensive, but I love going there.  Attending church more often in Delphi is the plan when we return home and I hope to find a small group or a women's group I can connect with there.

And finally this:  So many of us have bought into the idea that we are somehow weak if we're unable to solve problems on our own.  Many years ago a friend said to me after I had been sick, "Are you sick AGAIN?  What is wrong with you THIS time?" and it made me feel like I were a hypochondriac.  I felt bad even saying that I didn't feel in tiptop shape.  Also if I have issues that I just can't resolve myself and I talk about them, I have heard "well, maybe you need some professional help!  Is that what you want???" like it would be a negative about my character and personality to need some professional help with any issue.  And I surely didn't want that!  What a stigma!  But this author stresses that just like we need help with medical issues, or with financial issues, or with areas in which we are not well-equipped (like needing a plumber or electrician), sometimes we need help with our mental or emotional issues.  There is no stigma in that.  Or there shouldn't be.

As I said, I already wrote about needing more girlfriends, people to chat with.  Lunch dates.  Sewing sessions.  Hobby Lobby shopping trips.  Those types of things.  I recognize that and I am taking steps to work on adding more girlfriend time to my life.

But another thing I read in the chapter about Social Self-Care was setting dates for certain things.

Gary and I always like to go to movies, and when we moved to our new house we were excited about being able to just go to a movie without carving out an entire day to do so.  How many movies have we seen in Lafayette during the last 18 months?  Maybe 3?  4?  That is sad.  Why don't we take advantage of being so close to the theatres?

So what we are going to do when we return home is set our Movie Date Nights.  At least two a month.  We will pick two dates, mark them on the calendar, and we will go to the movies and out for dinner that evening.  Nothing (I hope) will get in the way of that.  Those date nights will be important and fun...and part of our social self-care.

Sound like a plan?  I think so!