Making Myself Nervous

I am not sure why I just can't be calm and confident when it comes to entertaining.

We began hosting the Thanksgiving dinner in 2006, the first year I was at Ivy Tech.  I offered to host and before I could finish speaking the words, my dear mother-in-law jumped at the chance to NOT have it at her house.

Hosting the big family dinner at our old house presented challenges.  Not too much dining room space for a sit-down meal, which is what I preferred to have.  Not enough counter space for everything.  Fortunately I had just about the entire week off from classes so it was easy for me to cook in stages and have everything ready.  But on the Big Day?  Crowded was the word.

Gary always insisted that no one came to check the house and no one cared about the crowded conditions.  Clay even said later that he never thought it was too crowded. 

But I did.  There would be a huge pile of shoes by the door to step over and around.  Tables had to be moved after the dinner to clear a space for card playing and Tripoley.  There were enough seats for most of the family, but we had to use both rooms and that meant that some people sat in the fireplace room chatting and others were in the living room watching football and others were in the kitchen/dining room playing games. 

The coats had to be on our bed upstairs because we had no room in the closet.

The toilet handle had to be jiggled because if it were not, then the water would just keep running in the toilet and running out as fast as it went in.  Then it wouldn't flush.

The last year we were at the old house, Mike, Angie, and Nick stayed with us.  I wasn't prepared, really, but we made it work.  Lack of communication was what happened.  Showering presented another challenge with the water situation.

The only three years in those 12 that we did NOT host the dinner were these: the one when Hilary, Blaine, Landon, and we went to DisneyWorld for Thanksgiving, the year I was diagnosed with pneumonia and the doctor said "NO THANKSGIVING DINNER FOR YOU!", and in 2016 when Agnes died and we had one last Thanksgiving dinner at the old house.

It was no surprise then that Rebecca, our realtor, learned quickly that having a bigger kitchen, a larger dining room large enough for at least 18 people, and a nice sized living room and family room were criteria for our new house.

In fact each time we would look at a possibility, she would ask if I could see hosting Thanksgiving in the kitchen and dining room and if I knew where we would put the Christmas tree.  For you see, hosting the large Siemens Family Christmas on Christmas Eve was something that came to us too after Hilary declared she did NOT want to host the family gathering any more.  Two years were enough for her, and we totally understood the disruption in her house with extra overnight guests, readying the house for 22 of us, and trying to plan their own gift opening around the overnight guests and Blaine's work schedule.

So here we are.   Last year I was SO excited to host both events.  Mike, Angie, and Nick had rooms for themselves.  We had two nice spare rooms that we made sure were ready for company.

We have two bathrooms, one connected to the master bedroom upstairs and one on the main floor, both with showers.

The water pressure is superb.  The water supply is even better.  We can run the dishwasher, the washer, take a shower, and flush the toilet, all at the same time and still have water and pressure!  Talk about being spoiled now!  We have yet to run out of hot water.

Overnight guests are no problem; in fact, Karen and Clay, Greta, and the kids have stayed several times over the past 19 months.

There is plenty of room in the dining room for two tables.  When the leaf is added to our dining room table, it will seat 8, maybe 10 if the extra two are children.  There is plenty of room for another table to be set up between the dining room table and the island.

The island is perfect for appetizers and desserts.  There is plenty of counter space for all of the food to be spread out.  The new refrigerator holds much more than our old one so cold storage is not a problem either.  Plus there is an oven with the stove and another built in double oven if needed.

So what is the problem here?  Why is my heart racing and my chest hurting?  Why am I so tired? 

Part of the problem I know is not being able to see correctly.  With the cataract surgery on Tuesday, the vision in my left eye is much better, but the right eye is still the same.  That throws off my eyes working together.  When I wear my glasses, the right eye is a little better, but the left eye is messed up.  So I just can't see--and I won't be able to see well until after the next surgery on Dec. 4 and when new glasses are ordered.

But my chest hurting and just wanting to sleep?  The same thing happened with Owen's adoption party.  I was so nervous about everything, and it wasn't even my party!  Hilary and Blaine took care of the food, the decorating, the cleaning out of the Party Barn, the set up of tables, the mowing and trimming outside.  None of it fell to me.  None of it was my responsibility.  It wasn't until the party began that I relaxed.

I finally told Gary that I was making myself sick and my chest was hurting and he was not happy with me.  He said that the house was clean, and it is.  Everything is ready.  And it is.  The food just needs to be prepared.  And it will be when the time comes. So why be nervous?

The bedrooms are ready with clean sheets and air fresheners to sweeten the smell up there.  The bathrooms are ready.  I still need to mop the floor of the main floor bathroom but I won't do that until Wednesday morning. 

The family room is clean. 

The living room needs to be swept and dusted, but that will be done tomorrow.

I need to clean off the kitchen counter, but that is a continuous duty. 

All of the groceries have been purchased and the menu items delegated.

All will be well.

So what is with me?

Why is my chest hurting....again?

Will it be like this when we are getting ready for Christmas too?

I need to relax.  I need to pray about the anxiety.  I need some help with my mind.

All will be fine.

It will be a memorable Thanksgiving for all of us.

Just relax, Beth.  Relax.