Falling off the Wagon - Big Time

It's no secret that weight is an issue with me. It always has been. It always will be.

No matter what program I adopt - Weight Watchers several times, the LCHF recently, some type of pills for a while, I lose, then the pounds return.  Why?  No will power on my part.  I just like to eat some things and the word 'moderation' just flies out the window.

Case(s) in point:

Hartlzers Ice Cream - oh my.  So good.  We just discovered this place on May 22 when we were driving to Medina to meet Greta and Kent for her birthday dinner.  We stopped on the way back and enjoyed the most delicious, the creamiest ice cream I have ever eaten.  And the flavors were so unique and all of them were good. How do I know?  I tried a different one each time we visited over the course of the next three months, sometimes two scoops, one of each of two different kinds.  DQ ice cream is bland to me now (which is a good thing) and Harltzers is in Wooster (another good thing) so maybe that temptation will be gone after August 24 (auction date)

Wreckless eating - Last night we celebrated Gary's birthday  a day early at Olive Garden.  The weight-conscious me would have ordered soup, salad, and breadsticks and ignored the breadsticks.  Yesterday?  Three items on the Italian Feast option - Chicken parm, tortellini, and fettuccine Alfredo.  Now I did give some of the tortellini to Megan since she didn't really receive what she wanted from her order, but still.  Too much. And I felt stuffed. And I ate a breadstick.  Plus I had pie after.  Bad!  Bad! Bad!

Mindless eating - a grab here, a pop-in-the-mouth there....all dangerous for me.  Like this morning.  I fixed myself a bowl of fruit, sprinkled with some granola cereal and topped with vanilla yogurt, my usual breakfast when I am doing WW.  Fine.  But after that, I took my bowl to the sink and saw two cinnamon rolls leftover from what Gary had fixed for himself, and I grabbed one and ate it without even thinking.  I do things like that!  Why?  Why can't I just walk away?

Walk away.  That is the key. I need to just walk away.  No more mindless eating.

Better planning.  Before I go to a restaurant I need to know what I will order and stick with it.  No side temptations.

Stay away from breads, potatoes, fries, breadsticks, biscuits, desserts.  All of those things are good, yummy, and I love them all.  But they pack on the pounds and I don't need that.

I am to the point where I am struggling with the big question "What do I wear?"  One reason is that I am tired of the same clothes since I seem to be packing the same things for each trip to Ohio.  The other is that some things are becoming a little too tight and the rolls in my mid-section are showing more.  I will not buy more clothes in larger sizes.  No.  This is a big sign to me that the pounds need to come off and soon.

Plus I visit Dr. O again in a couple of weeks and he will not be pleased with the weight gain. It is true. I am healthier, my BP is better, my knees feel less sore, and I have more energy when the weight is gone.  So it needs to be.

How did this happen?  Well, the above mentioned items.  Plus the other BIG reason.

Mom died.  The stress of dealing with deaths of three parents in 14 months has hit me. 

We have been cleaning out the house.  The constant trips back and forth to Wooster from Pulaski has taken a toll on my sleeping and eating.  Since we go for days at a time, usually 5-7 days at a stretch, every day we are there is a day of cleaning, sorting, pitching, re-arranging, deciding. stacking.  We have taken a few breaks - to go to Hartzlers (!!!), to drive over to see Phil and Glenda in Beloit, to have dinner with Dale and Karen, to visit with Ryan and Jen and the kids and enjoy ice cream around their fire ring, but the day is spent at the house, the night is spent at the house, and the house is full of stuff that needs to be sorted.  So sorting we do.  Even to sit and watch tv in the evening is to sit in awkward positions in the midst of boxes and crates.  Eating a meal requires moving stacks of items or working around more boxes to find a place to sit.  When we have all been there (Gary and I; Megan, Matt, and Cooper; Hilary, Blaine, Landon, Tessa, and Owen) there are more people to work around and more tasks to complete and more organization needed to get the work done so we can have the auction in August. Items moved from the attic to the garage.  Tubs moved from room to room. Boxes of books taken to the bookstore (several trips over several weeks).  Stacks of magazines taken to the recycling center.  More boxes picked up at Buehlers (we are getting to know the meat cutters really well there-they recognize us now!)  Dumpster filled.  Freezers emptied.  Fruit cellar cleaned out.  More trash and more trash.  U-Haul filled and vehicles filled several times for trips back to Indiana. 


The emotional stress takes a toll too.  As I wrote about before, my parents are dead.  Even when we return home, I am faced with the fact that my in-laws are dead too, each and every time we go to The Farm, which is frequently.  Death seems to be everywhere around me.  Now Agnes' brother died also and we will go to the funeral home again on Monday to pay our respects. Emotional stress.

Plus cleaning out the house is like watching my life flash before my eyes.  Finding all of the items from my childhood, from The Little Brown House on 62, from Mt. Vernon.  Some of those memories are good ones.  Some are bad and hard to handle.  But they are memories that have been popping up.  Memories I need to deal with.  And it is emotionally hard.

So what have I been doing?  Falling off the wagon. Eating.  Eating more.  Eating recklessly.  Not paying attention to what I eat and how much I eat. 

It has to stop. Now.  Today.  I know what to do.  I need to focus and just do it.