A Little Bit of a Struggle

Here it is.  Sunday afternoon in late August.  For the past 10 years I have spent most Sunday afternoons (or evenings if we have  been away during the day) thinking about my plans for the week, grading whatever was needed to be returned, and checking Blackboard for messages from students with weekend questions or the submissions in the online course(s).

No need to do that now.  Not any of that. 

In a way it is glorious.  Freeing.  Lifted pressure.  No feeling of 'well, I didn't get that done this weekend, did I?' like usually happens.

But in a way, it is sad.  Well, maybe not sad.  Just different.  I am not used to this.  My mind is not thinking 'retirement' yet.  My mind is still focused on that schedule of grading the Pod submissions, thinking my way through the Monday morning class, checking my Rochester bag to be sure I have everything I need for Tuesday morning, and making a list if I have forgotten anything so I can be sure to add it to the bag on Monday before I leave my office. The other things I always did were to think about meals for the week (not that they followed that plan but at least I had an idea) and to plan my clothing choices (how do I rotate my black pants and brown pants and what is the weather like and which shoes are comfortable for the long teaching days and will I need to come home after class and pick up Gary and change, THEN go south for another activity).

It still feels like summer.  The flowers. The grass. The temps. The open windows.  The fans running.  The hot nights with sporadic sleep.  So in that respect, these days aren't so different.  Just a continuation of the last couple of months.  But the leaves are falling.  There is the 'look' of fall with the overgrowth of weeds in certain areas and the hanging boughs of the trees that always happens in late summer.  Nothing is as fresh as it was. 

Another difference is that Megan is now on her school schedule.  Hilary is on her school schedule.  I have no school schedule any more. Everything that we plan with the kids involves bus times, pick up times, drop off times, and, soon, practices.  But not for me.  Just them.  That is a good thing (for me) but it is a hard adjustment (for me).

So for a while I am going to struggle.  I have been assured that soon I will forget all about my teaching schedule and I won't think about the need to grade anything. I will be out of the habit of checking Blackboard and my Ivy Tech email several times a day and one last time before I go to bed, just in case someone needed help (and they often did).    It just hasn't happened yet.  But it has been just a week, and I am sure eventually I will forget about how my days were scheduled.

But for now, I am still thinking that at 9:00 on Tuesday morning I will be at Rochester teaching the high school seniors and that I need to check BB for submissions in the AmLit class and that I should re-read "The Passionate Shepherd to His Love" and "The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd" before we go over those in ENGL 112 this week.

I have retired.  That is a good thing.  It is, isn't it?