A Never Ending Battle

I am not sure why weight is easy to add to one's body and so difficult to remove.

Just the wrong spice (such as salt) or one ingredient (like sugar or butter) and add pounds and inches to the body.

However, it will take days of counting calories (or whatever one decides to do to lose weight) and countless hours to exercise to remove those same pounds and inches.

Forty-three years ago when I began teaching I weighed 115 pounds.  Really.

The weight at retirement is not 115, but at one time it was 100+ pounds over that.  Who am I kidding?  Several times it was over that.  Even during the two pregnancies my weight did not reach over 200 pounds.  So what happened?

Life.
Enjoying eating.
Hectic schedules and more quick eating.
Stress.
Just not caring.

That sums it up.  Twice I have started the Weight Watchers journey, the first time with 45 pounds lost and my Lifetime goal met and maintained.  The second time was a little over a year ago when I started again and lost 40 pounds over 9 months.

Both times I have become complacent, tired, uncaring, cocky and sure that I could just eat a few things I liked and it not matter.  Both times I have gained back weight.

This time, however, I am stopping it.  As in right now.  Stopping the carefree eating and not caring.

I MUST care.  I have to care.  It is imperative that I care.

Why?

Four reasons, to start with.  Landon. Tessa. Cooper. Owen.  I want to watch them grow up.  I want to play with them.  I want to enjoy the time with them.

Two reasons.  Megan and Hilary.  I love my daughters so much, and now that I am retired I want to be able to help them when they need help, go with them when they ask, and be an asset not a liability when we are together.  Plus I know that struggling with weight is common for all three of us, and I don't want to be a bad influence in the journey.  

One reason.  Gary.  We have been married for 40 years, and I have taught for 43, with all of our free time scheduled around the school calendar.  Now that I have retired, I want to enjoy time with him, traveling, working in the yard, relaxing, and someone who struggles with just walking because her knees are sore from carrying around extra weight is not fun.

One reason.  Me.  I feel better when my weight is down.
I look better when my weight is down.
My clothes fit better when my weight is down.
I can breathe easier when my weight is down.
My knees don't hurt when my weight is down.

Since we have come home from the trip to Disney World, I haven't gone to WW meetings. I have stepped on the scale just once and I had lost a pound from the last WI before we left for the trip.  

I have been lapsing on recording points.  I have taken chances and eaten things that had been taboo on my list of 'safe foods' to eat.  How many times have I eaten French fries?  Buns?  A few bites of dessert?

Yes I can eat a chicken sandwich on a slim bun with spicy mustard for lunch and be ok.  Yes I can eat a chicken breast for lunch and be ok.  Yes I can eat an ear of corn and be ok.  But I can't eat all of those at one sitting and be ok.  I am slipping.  Big time.

No more.

Today Gary and I went to Cracker Barrel for brunch.  The special was one of my favorites:  Granny's French Toast Breakfast.  Yum.  I was tempted.  Oh my.  That sounded so good. And I told myself this would be my last yummy meal before I started in earnest on the WW journey again.....tomorrow.

I sat.  I looked at the menu.  I thought about it.  I made the decision.  If I kept saying "I'll do it tomorrow...." then I would be in so deep that I would have to start over again...and buy new larger clothes (which I can't afford to do)...and be disgusted with myself (which I don't want to do). 

The fruit and yogurt parfait with granola was really good (so good that I bought some granola at the grocery this afternoon).  The scrambled egg-beaters were really tasty.  I like turkey bacon and those three pieces were really tasty.  I did eat one of Gary's biscuits with the fried apples on the two halves. Yummy.

Dinner tonight was Tater Tot Casserole (thanks for the idea, Hilary), sweet corn, cucumbers, and slaw.  I had one small serving of the casserole, one ear of corn, a spoonful of cucumbers, and a spoonful of slaw.  Then after dinner Gary cleaned up the kitchen and I walked with Leslie, two miles.

I MUST get back into this routine.  I MUST take off the excess pounds that I have added through July and most of August.  I MUST make better food choices.  I MUST exercise more consistently.

Looking back at the reasons why I eat too much - none of those are important (except my life).  Stress should be reduced since I am not teaching any more.  Hectic schedules should now be relaxed.  I DO enjoy eating, but I enjoy eating healthy too.  I feel more sluggish when I overeat and my stomach becomes more upset.  My health is much more important than extra portions of food and unhealthy food choices.

I can do this!