Out of My Control

 You know, sometimes life gets busy, and the routine is disrupted.

Last week Hilary and I went to Gatlinburg for a few days of fun during her Spring Break.  When we returned, Cooper and Lynnlee were stayed with us for a couple of days.  Blaine was here after work building a new lot.  Gary had a doctor's appointment, and we went out for late lunch and errands.  It was just a busy week.

So..the routine of daily devotions and Bible study didn't happen.  

I meant to keep up; I really did.  My books and Bible were packed with me on the trip.  But it just didn't happen.

Other things happened during the course of the week.  Not exactly 'things that happened' but rather things that were said or implied.

Little digs.  Comments made.  Rolled eyes.  Heavy sighs.  Pictures sent through texts.  Being talked 'over.'

Last night I was upset about those things. Being 'upset' might be too mild.  I was angry.  

In my mind none of the remarks, the eye rolls, the sighs, the comments were necessary, were needed, or were even warranted.  But they happened.  And they upset me.

Today, however, I feel better and I think that is because of a different perspective.  Possibly the reason is reading the devotions that I missed out on the past week too.  

I also shared with a friend last night and she reminded me that what we do and the decisions we make are ours.  If we are comfortable with those, then what others say or think is not important.  That only shows that they don't agree, that they want to manipulate us, or that something is bothering them.

And that, I have come to realize, is very true.

Does it matter why we didn't go to Key West?  No.  My doctor did tell me that I shouldn't fly because I had had issues with my feet and lower legs swelling for two months.  He felt that a change in medication and not aggravating the situations would be helpful.  That included NOT flying and if I traveled by car, frequent stops to walk around and stretch my legs.  He also felt that travel to southern Florida was dangerous for me since I hadn't had both doses of the vaccine yet.  Key West was a 'hot spot' and he wasn't sure about the protocols being enforced.  He said that Gary would probably be fine, but he was concerned about me.  Since I had already tested positive for COVID in November, I wasn't too interested in being infected again.  I took his advice seriously and Gary and I decided not to go on the trip.  Another consideration after my visit to the doctor was the issue with Gary's legs.  He had numerous blisters forming on his legs, his arms, his torso.  They were popping and bleeding.  Sheets of skin were peeling off.  I wasn't sure how he was going to manage all of the activities we would be doing in Florida plus wearing shorts.   His legs were unslightly; wearing jeans would just rub against the blisters and make them worse.  It was better not to go to Florida until he was healed.  The main thing is...it was our decision.  We made it.  We don't regret it.  

Going to Gatlinburg was a spur of the moment decision.  It started in a discussion during breakfast at Stone House, checking with Megan about her availability,  then grew into finding a room in Pigeon Forge, making arrangements for kids, and packing for the trip.  It was a fun trip.  Hilary and I both had a great time.  There were smiles and laughs and a few tears but generally just a good time.  She was happy. I was happy.  The only people it should matter to was us.  No one else.

Another 'spur of the moment' trip grew out of a mention of Waco, Texas and the Magnolia Silos.  That would be a fun trip to take, a girls trip.  That little gem grew into a celebration for my 70th birthday with my daughters.  We are going to Waco, Texas in June for my birthday.  That is what I wanted to do.  As we were talking about it, Gary said we would pay for it (panic!) but that has worked out also.  When he was looking in the hutch for something else, he found three bonds that I had been given for graduating from Purdue with my masters degree.  I checked the current value and found that the amount was just about enough to cover the plane tickets for me, Megan, and Hilary.  And...Ann and Bud gave me the largest bond.  If she knew that we were using the money for this trip, she would be SO happy.  No..she would want to go along!  It was just meant to be, right?  Then Gary was able to convert some of our vacation club points to honors points to reserve a room for us at Homewood Premier Suites in Waco for three nights...so we don't have to pay for that either!  We checked calendars for baseball, pig and goat shows, Disney trip, and decided on June 3-6 for the trip. Gary will watch Cooper and Lynnlee while Matt is teaching summer school and the other three kids overnight while Blaine is working.  This is what matters.   The arrangements that are needed have been made.  We chose the dates that work best for us.  We decided on the place to go for MY birthday.  Eye rolls.  Negative comments.  Neither of those are necessary.  Why?  None of it concerns anyone else except us.  And to repeat, it is MY birthday and MY decision on what I want to do with MY daughters.  

Something that Hilary and I were talking about while away.....why does it matter what people put on their FB pages?  I am not talking about propaganda or political opinions (although these two things would still be applicable).  I am talking about the 'checking in' posts or pictures of food in restaurants or a particular dish that was made in one's kitchen. What is wrong with two people smiling at the camera while posing in front of a landmark such as the sign at the entrance to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park?  While I agree that posting everything that happens in one's life or airing dirty laundry or bashing other people is not a good idea, it is truly up to the person to decide what he or she wants to share.  And if Freda wants to post pictures of every plate of food that she eats in a day, then that is her prerogative.  If Johnny shares pictures of him and his wife in front of the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial and the Vietnam Wall and the WWII Memorial, then why can't he?  My feeling is that if someone doesn't like what I post or thinks I post too many pictures of food or documents too much of what I am doing or where I have been, then don't follow me anymore.  Unfriend me if you don't like seeing it.  I like seeing the 'memories' pop up each day of things that have happened in the past or pictures that have stirred up so many moments that I might have forgotten.  Too many of my friends and relatives that I don't see often have told me that they appreciate seeing the pictures I post of the girls, the kiddos, our house, the places we have been so they can keep up with what is going on in our lives since we don't personally see each other that much now (former classmates, cousins who live in other states, former colleagues, friends from where we lived). I am not going to stop just because a few people criticize my posts or feel like I post too much.  Also I heard one comment about my posting 'all of those Bible things' and had to smile because there are so many others who have sent messages or told me in person how much they enjoy reading those devotional pages.  Several have asked for the name of the book so they can buy their own copies.  Since I don't share my faith much and it is difficult for me, I feel this is a way for me to reach others.  And I won't stop doing it for just that reason. 

As I was trying to catch up on devotions this morning, I read one that indicated that we should not live for ourselves, but instead live for God.  We should show love.  We should be positive. We should trust in God that He will guide our decisions.  Since I had been mulling over so many things that had made me angry, I tried to put them into a different perspective.  Gary and I made the best decision for us and God opened the doors for that decision to be made.  Hilary and I needed the time away to refresh, renew, and rejuvenate.  That happened.  The girls and I will celebrate this birthday (which I have been dreading) with a fun trip that will be paid for without having to juggle our finances.  Being able to share my faith on FB has been a good thing...one that has given me and others hope.  I don't see negatives in any of these things.

Negative people will always try to pull someone down who is happy.  Often those people who feel the need to criticize, make mocking comments, or cast negativity onto a situation are unhappy themselves and want others to feel the same way.  Not going to happen here!

Their thoughts, feelings, and comments are out of my control.  And I refuse to let the bother me anymore!