"Be Still, and Know...." Psalm 46:10

Moving on to Chapter 7 in Me, Myself, and Lies this evening.  How timely this one is also.  God seems to know just what we need and when we need it!

"Calm Down:  I Have Stilled and Quieted My Soul" is the title of this chapter.

Anger.  We all have it.  I have had more than my share of irritation, ire, fire in my soul and my attitude, eruptions, and nasty responses.  Usually I regret the words and the actions, but the expression of my anger seems to release the pressure valve of my emotions, most of the time to the distress of whoever might be in my path.

Many things that anger us are out of our control. Unmet expectations.  Frustration that we DON'T have control.  Things others say and do.  Bingo!

God has given us many things we can control, however.  How we spend our time.  Our choices. How we seek Him.  AND How we respond to those things out of our control.  Hmmmm....timely?  I think so.

Unanswered questions and dissatisfaction can tempt us to raise a fist to the heavens and shake it in anger.  Why, God?  Why?  A better approach would be to open one's hands and lift them to the heavens, ready to receive the peace, stillness, and understanding that only God can offer. Get that?  Exchanging a fist raised in anger to open hands ready for peace to come down upon us.  What a great visual!

So what happens when we can't get to that point?  What causes us to dwell in the pit of anger, wallowing around, trying to keep our heads above the murk, reliving all of those horrible moments and hateful comments?  Three things:

1.  The Negative Mind-Set - oh my.  How true is this?  Jennifer states on page 119 that "The way you think is either a pothole that keeps you from calm or a bridge that gives you access to tranquility."  The way I see it, I can wallow around in the thoughts of Mom making fun of me, calling me "that one in Indiana," discounting my college degrees and telling me that they mean nothing, insulting me over and over again, twisting my words and my actions into something they never were, lying continuously about me and to me OR I can choose to move on. Mom is gone. She will never insult me again.  I will never know why she did or said what she did, so why dwell on it.  It's over. HOW I choose to think about Mom and the circumstances makes the difference in my sense of peace and well-being.  Should I choose to continue to beat myself up about her and her remarks, especially knowing that there will never be any answers?  Of course not.  The time to move on is now.  I choose peace.  I choose to move on. I choose to build a bridge to move forward rather than a wall to encompass horrible memories, imprisoning me and my mind and heart.  BEGONE, NEGATIVE MINDSET!

2.  Anger over Adversity - again from Jennifer:  "Adversity is a difficult and demanding road to travel!  When  you allow anger to wash out your path, you will really wear yourself out.  And by the time you notice, you'll be utterly spent...lost on a detour from the way of peace."  This fits our situation right now to a T.  I do not want anger any more.  I do not want my path to be washed out and I definitely don't want to be worn out!  I have too much to do in my retirement to focus on things I just cannot change and that just don't matter anymore.  If I spend all of my time thinking about the 'why did she say this...' and 'how could she twist so much of what we told her into the stories she told others...' then I will waste all of my good energy just trying to survive. I would rather spend my good energy on having fun, enjoying life, soaking up the friendships and family moments instead of being a Negative Nelly.  I refuse.  I can't change what Mom said or the things Mom did or how she had been twisting things for years...but I can control my reactions to those things.  I refuse to be angry anymore. GOODBYE, ANGER!

3.Stubborn Defiance - "Absence of peace is not an 'I can't' circumstance.  It's an 'I won't' choice."  This one passage on page 123 speaks volumes.  As Gary has always said, "Can't never did anything."  How true is this?  I crave peace.  I need time to enjoy my life again. I want my calendar to be filled with activities with family, trips to previously unvisited locales, and fun times with friends.  If I tell myself "I won't be done with my feelings about how Mom made me feel for the last 40 years until....she has been dead a year," for example, then I am making the choice to wallow in the negativity and not pull myself out of it. If I think that there is no choice for me, then I need to remember that letting go of anger is possible..because there is no 'I can't."  There is an "I won't."  As Jennifer states, "Defiance, an unwillingness to let go of anger, hurts you.  It hurts you inside and out.  It hurts your self-esteem and your relationships with others. It hurts your present and your future. And you are far too valuable to live like that."  I would feel so horrible if anyone thought "Oh no...here comes Beth again.  She is probably going to tell me again how horrible her mom treated her and how awful her visits to her had been and  how she ignored her granddaughters and the bad things she said about her friends... and I just don't want to listen to it.  Again."  I can't do that to everyone else. I don't want to do that to me anymore.  I need to move on.  I can clean out the house.  I can arrange for the auction and the sale of the real estate.  I can tie up the loose ends. But I don't need to dwell on past events and conversations that have no meaning now.  Not any more.  I am too valuable for that.  My life is too valuable for that.

How do I make that transition?  By using 'water words' instead of 'gasoline words.'  These are words that calm, words that speak truth, words that I can store in my Thought Closet versus words that incite anger, that add explosive elements to memories, words that escalate hard feelings and bitter memories.

Water words soothe. Water words are full of grace and mercy. Water words do not condemn.  Water words encourage and cleanse.

What I need to do is choose.  Because that is what it is.  A choice.

Do I choose to keep a negative mindset?  Or Do I choose to move on and choose peace.  Now.  Not later.  Now.

Do I choose anger, over and over and over again?  Or do I shut the door and focus my energy on the better things in my life.  It is my choice.  I am so tired of being angry and upset that this choice is an easy one.  Do I choose to let it go,or do I hang onto the anger because I have decided that I won't let it out of my mind?  It's not that 'I can't let it go'; it is because 'I won't let it go.'  That just isn't the way I want to be.  I will not dwell on it anymore.

At the end of the chapter is an indirect quote by  Thomas Merton - " A man is not at peace with his fellow man because he is not at peace with himself, and he is not at peace with himself because he is not at peace with God."

I have traded my anger for peace.  I know that God is in control.  I am working hard to achieve peace with God so I can have peace from God, the peace that Christ brings. I need the peace for myself so I can be at peace with others. For I believe this...

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10